to think grandparents do not have to treat their step grandchildren exactly the same way as their blood grandchildren?

[betnet]

Firstly, I am not advocating for step children to be treated badly in anyway.

But I think it is fine if grandparents do not give gifts or gifts to the same value to the stepchildren as to their grandchildren. If there was a divorce the stepchildren would generally not be seen anymore anyway.

People generally would not expect grandparents to give their non related stepchildren an inheritance. Those who advocate for stepchildren to be treated exactly equally, do you think they should inherit from non related grandparents?

I am talking about stepchildren in this instance where ones DD or DS has married a partner who has children from an ex partner.

Same for family holidays. Often grandparents will pay for a family holiday and want their grandchildren to join them. They should not have to pay for the step grandchildren also.

Stepchildren can end up with four sets of grandparents.

Well you've clearly made your mind up so I'm not sure what the point of the thread was.

You are obsessed with inheritance. You obviously don’t think you are doing anything wrong so carry on.

I was a stepchild, my mum died. My mums parents would never have bought presents for my stepsiblings. My dads parents were dead.

Likewise my stepsiblings Grandma didn’t buy for us. We had our grandparents they had theirs.

in our case though the only living grandparents were of the other parent and not of our married parents so if my dads parents or my stepmoms parents were still alive that may have been different.

it never bothered us, didn’t even cross our minds.

The problem is your daughter. It is disgraceful that her and her husband are paying for education that has not been extended to her children's siblings. How must they feel? She isn't paying, they are married

You sound vile, mean spirited and selfish

Not a straightforward answer as so many different variables such as whether SGC have regular contact with grandparents, how long they have been in SGC life etc

my parents have 4 GC and 1 SGC. There is a large age difference between the biological GC (younger ages) and SGC who is an adult. My parents have always acknowledged SGC birthday (still do) and Christmas but they’ve never given same value of gifts due to a different type of relationship they had with SGC. SGC had 4 other grandparents growing up so hasn’t missed out

YANBU at all

One poor OP recently got an absolute pasting because she was taking her DD and Son IL and her toddler granddaughter out for a meal, and suddenly her DD’s 2 SC were gonna be joining and OP was worried she was expected to pay.

She actually got called a cunt because she wasn’t skipping round clapping with joy about it.

If someone accepts SC into their lives then that’s their choice - but to expect third parties to shirk their natural feelings and behave like these children (that they never expected or asked to be involved with) like their blood relatives is unreasonable and borderline delusional. And unfair on the third party.

Let’s not forget - these SC, including the ones mentioned above, have their own sets of grandparents. They don’t need - or necessarily want - more.

Also let’s not forget if the couple split up then the SGP will likely never see the child again - why bother treating them like their own? Kids aren’t stupid and shouldn’t be treated as such

So he wasn’t willing to pay for his own children’s education but he expects his MIL to? What a cheeky bastard.

And as someone from a blended family, I’ve had several step grandparents and can’t even remember the names of some. I never expected anything more than an ice lolly from them. I had my own GPs. The idea they should be paying out significant sums of money is utterly laughable.

OP you’re doing a nice thing paying for your GC’s fees and these replies are bonkers, probably from people massively projecting

Really depends. On age of when the step child comes into family, the involvemen etc say a SC that’s only around every 14 days and is older, I wouldn’t expect grandparents to be the same. Younger resident children? Yea it would be cruel not to.

Honestly, the SIL had no business going on to have 2 more children when he already had FOUR to provide for. No. Not in this economy.

Your DD is just as bad for that but I guess she knew her rich mom would step in and fill the gap.

I don’t know if you’re aware, but your responses are becoming quite terse and belligerent.

You’ve had your mix of responses. You clearly think you are NBU.

My only piece of advice was to check with your DD that you aren’t inadvertently causing problems for their nuclear family. You say your daughter is on board, so all is good.
I don’t think there’s any point in continuing to argue about something that not everyone will agree on, ever.

Same here. She was my grandma (both my blood grandmother's died before I was born and my maternal grandfather remarried) in name and actions and far more involved in my life and my brothers' lives than either of our (blood) grandads.

My (step) grandma's will was divided equally between her son (child of her first husband, who had died before she married my grandad) and my mother, her step-daughter.

I don't think step grandchildren end up with 4 grandparents OP. I think usually the end up with none. Grandparents don't have to treat them equally but the world would be better if they did. The only difference I would make would be inheritance. If the step grandchild was likely to inherit from the 'other side' I would reduce the inheritance from me - but I'd explain all this whilst I was alive so as not to leave anyone guessing or upset.

I actually agree with you completely. If your DD and SIL separated then you’d likely never see his children again, why should you spend on them exactly the same when they have their biological grandparents too?

I think it’s extremely cheeky of your SIL to expect you to pay. When your DD was paying the school fees of their 2 children, did he expect her to pay for his 4 children too or was it not an issue then that his didn’t go to private school?!

If one of my DC marry someone with a child/children they would become part of my family but they wouldn’t be my grandchild/grandchildren.

Are you saying that your GC were going to private school already and your daughter struggled with payment and you stepped in. Or did you offer to pay for the outset?

I am one for step children being treated as biological children - but I think if you had said in your opening post both your daughter and her partner had agreed to you paying for your GCs private school - and now further down the line your son in law has started asking you to also pay for his four kids to also attend private school - that maybe you would have got some sympathy from other's!

To me if your son in law was not happy with you paying for your grandchildren's private school fees he should have said at that time rather than trying to add his four kids to your finances later down the track.

I agree with this. The step GC are part of the family but I am not going to invest in them to the same level financially as my own GC.

I stepped in when DD struggled with payments.

People keep saying step GC should be treated the same as GC yet most drawn the line at inheritance. Why? Including them in the will would be treating them equally.

Step children should be treated equally by their parents/step parents but absolutely nobody else has an obligation to do so. My brother has had several step children from 2 marriages, all of whom I’ve never seen again after he split with their mums. I didn’t treat them the same as I did his son. I bought them Christmas presents but I didn’t invest in the relationship like I did with my nephew, and I’m pleased I didn’t given what happened. Why would I need to - they all had their own aunties.

I think he was not quite so cheeky to expect her to stump up for his 4 kids as that would have wiped out a significant amount of her salary!

I guess he has seen the benefits a private school can bring. GC are excelling academically while SC are falling behind. No other measures have been taken for them such as tutors, extra support or classes etc.

Agreed. If I invest thousands into my step GC, I am unlikely to ever see them again in the case of divorce. I'd rather spend the money on the GC.

The step GC have a huge family to invest in them should they wish.