to think grandparents do not have to treat their step grandchildren exactly the same way as their blood grandchildren?

[betnet]

Firstly, I am not advocating for step children to be treated badly in anyway.

But I think it is fine if grandparents do not give gifts or gifts to the same value to the stepchildren as to their grandchildren. If there was a divorce the stepchildren would generally not be seen anymore anyway.

People generally would not expect grandparents to give their non related stepchildren an inheritance. Those who advocate for stepchildren to be treated exactly equally, do you think they should inherit from non related grandparents?

I am talking about stepchildren in this instance where ones DD or DS has married a partner who has children from an ex partner.

Same for family holidays. Often grandparents will pay for a family holiday and want their grandchildren to join them. They should not have to pay for the step grandchildren also.

Stepchildren can end up with four sets of grandparents.

It can be incredibly hurtful as a child to be treated differently to your half siblings. It's not their fault that they're the 'step child'

However grandparents leaving an inheritance to a step grandchild is a different can of worms. I can see why they woukd choose not to. As long as they've been kind and treated them fairly while they were here it's ok.

I am not going to prioritise my step GC that are struggling over my own GC. It does not make sense to pull out my GC from their school to reallocate resources to the step GC to prioritise them.

They all the same can of worms. Treating them equally or not. So many people insist on SC being treated equally then drawling the line at inheritance.

They don’t have to treat them the same but it’s lovely when they do. Makes the child feel like a proper part of the family.
We have step children in our extended family and they are just treated as part of the family now.
it’s so much nicer than having various hierarchies of specialness.

Here you go:

DD and SIL have two children together who live with them full time.
SIL has four children from previous relationship who are there every weekend and school holidays.

Does that make any difference?

I will have my two GC for sleepovers etc but not the step GDC. I don't have enough space for 6 children to sleepover.

I will take my GC out for the day but not the step GDC. I can't fit 6 children in my car. I can't afford to cover the cost of 6 children for days out and meals.

I have known the SC for 7 years.

I don't have a partner.

Depends how close the families are. My step grandad was amazing. He was wonderful to my sister and I

Every family is different.
My Mum met my SC and was kind to them, but she never considered them her GC. The SC liked my Mum, but never thought of her as their Granny.
No one got upset.

Interesting you have not answered my question you're only here to make noise about nothing. Slow day in the office?

It does help. I have been on your side on this and I stand by it. I don’t think you should be expected to fund the other children's schooling and sil is looking at you as some sort of cash cow.

If children are sitting opening presents at Christmas, it’s pretty hard to have them opening different levels of gifts. For that kind of event, I think grandparents need to treat equally.

One trick for balancing can be a side gift. In lieu of a larger toy or gadget, our grandparents make a contribution to the university savings account. it’s very appreciated even by the grandchild now that she is old enough to understand, but it keeps things fair publicly.

You can be close and not fund the school fees for an additional four step grandchildren!

It completely depends on circumstances surely? You'd have some where it would be cruel not to, and some where it wouldn't make sense.

What I will say is that I had two step-grandparents (one on each side) and I was the main beneficiary of their modest wills. And I loved them, just the same as anyone loves their grandparents - why wouldn't I? They'd been my grandparents since the day I was born and I miss them decades later.

"SIL has four children from previous relationship who are there every weekend and school holidays."

What's the problem I don't get your argument. Why would you pay for them to go to private school if they live with their mother. It's not your business and if your son in law doesn't like it then he should take a stick and stick it up his entitled arse.

I’m remarrying later this year. I would want no further contact with any of my relatives that made a distinction between my biological children and future step children. It gets a bit more complicated where my eldest two are concerned, because they are already adults and in one case living independently with a partner, but as far as our blended family goes, my future husband would expect my teenage sons to be part of his family, too.

The only person who does not have to meet this expectation is my late husband; our finances are set up so that what he left me will pass to his biological children. I hope by the time that becomes an issue they will be grown up enough to understand that is what we are trying to do.

You're complicating the matter they are not your grandchildren. Their father should be spending time with them when they visit that's the whole point of the visit, surely?

Good luck my granny was a step mother and his children didn't like her despite the invites from relatives. You can't force all parties to like each other because you and your future husband found love.

Edit - Got a headache and didn't add info will have to lie down shortly

So my DD should not want any further contact with me because I only pay the school fees for my 2 GC and not the step GC? Yes I am making a distinction. I can't afford to pay for school fees for 6 children.

It is easy enough to buy the bigger gifts for my GC when the step GC are not around. I can't afford to spend the same amount for 6 children as I can for 2 children.

I would want you to discuss that with your daughter and her husband. Perhaps you could offer to maintain your current level of support and, if they choose, they make up the difference to send all of them.

If you were covering that expense before they blended families I can see it would be unfair to remove the opportunity from children who were settled…I’m not sure I would have sought to create a blended family with that level of inequality already established tbh!

The examples in your original post were centred on holidays and gifts…it would be petty and cruel to make a distinction between children who are being raised in the same household.

Is she holding you to ransom? What a piece of work she is. Sometimes a little distance is what you need she's trying to fleece you out of every penny you have. You need to fuck her off until she comes to her senses and stop funding the private schools. You are giving too much and they want more. If she wants all six children in private school then she along with her husband and ex wife need to go to work and pay for it.