People saying thank you for gifts

[thankyouuunext]

I wasn’t quite sure how to phrase the title, sorry.

I was wondering, if you gave someone a gift - whether it’s a physical item or cash, and they thanked you when you handed it over, later opened it in your absence but didn’t bring it up or say thank you again, would you take that initial thank you as a sign of their acceptance / appreciation?

Interested to hear your thoughts. Thanks!

x

Yes.

Personally I would send a message once I had opened it because saying TY when it’s handed over is an automatic sign of politeness rather than something deliberate.
As for the kids, they have to say thank you when their friends bring the wrapped present to the party and then they write a thank you letter to be given within a week. I do not do it via my phone and it can’t be typed.

@Exasperated24
I appreciate the response, it is interesting to hear a different perspective. The reason for asking is because my friend does this. I had noticed this before but had not given it much thought until now. I usually buy her a gift on birthdays, Christmas etc. Her birthday was on Sunday and I purchased a spa gift voucher for a place she likes. It wasn’t exactly cheap. We had lunch on Monday, and I handed it to her when I dropped her off at home. She said thanks and then just left without further mention of it. I assume she’s opened the card and found the voucher.

I felt a bit hurt because she shared a photo with me yesterday of a gift her partner gave her, yet didn’t mention anything regarding the gift I had given her. I know it’s trivial and I absolutely do not give to receive, but it did bother me a bit. I definitely won’t say anything though.

Thank you when handed over is fine. Doesn't need a back-up one.

If you are asking, would I expect to get a more formal thank you later (whether a text, call or thank you note), then yes I would. I would do this myself and think it's polite. It's no time to just drop someone a text or call them.

Whether I would be irritated by a lack of thanks after they had opened it, would be referrable to what it was. If it was just a box of chocolates or a bottle of wine, I'd still think it was a bit rude but would be less bothered.

If it was something of high value or very personalised to them (tickets for something they'd love for example), I would expect a thank you afterwards that specifically thanked for the actual gift after they'd opened it. It's part of the joy of gift giving is knowing you made the person happy!

I would absolutely send another thank you commenting on the actual gift! But people are generally really fucking rude nowadays so I’m afraid this will be unusual 🤷‍♀️🙁

sorry I cross posted with your second post about what the gift was.

Hell yes. For a spa voucher absolutely would expect thanks that identified the gift.

Rude and ungrateful.

It's possible that she's waiting to use it to then thank you for the whole thing but you know her I suppose.

I disagree. You don't know what the gift is before you've opened it.

No. You;ve been thanked at the time. I wouldn't expect thanks again.

A gift definitely needs a proper thankyou. Just a text is all it needs, hardly any effort

It’s rude to open a gift voucher that obviously cost you a fair bit to a place she likes and not even mention it.

Mmm I gave my niece a birthday gift the day before her 21st no thank you or any mention or reference to it then or afterwards.

Then when she had her first baby. Her baby was sleeping at the time when I visited and she wasn’t busy with anything else. She may have uttered/mumbled a quiet barely audible thank you but she put my card and gift bag to one side. I didn’t receive either a thank you card, note etc afterwards and the next time I saw her she never referred to it either.

Our relationship has never been brilliant and I found her lack of acknowledgement rude both times. Prior to this I would get a thank you text with as few words in as possible. But now she is over 21 I won’t be bothering anymore. As I rarely see her or her baby.

@QuickPeachPoet That’s how I feel. Whenever someone gives me a card or gift, I always say thank you right away just to be polite. I often don’t know what I’m thanking them for though, so I usually follow up with a message to properly acknowledge the gift later on.

Not everyone views it the same way I suppose.

A lot of people have no manners nowadays

Agree with this completely.

When its handed over I'd say "Thank you so much, I'm really looking forward to opening this".

When I'd opened it, I'd text and say "Thanks so much for the [insert gift]. It was so kind of you and [insert verb - looks, smells, tastes] great. See you soon"

As PP said, people are rude fuckers these days though

If I received a gift and thanked them but didn't open it until later, I would certainly send a message of thanks when I opened it.

"Oh that's lovely. Thank you."

...is a complete expression of gratitude

If I didn’t open a gift there and then, I would message to say thank you once I had opened it. But if I opened it at the point of the gift being given, I would say thank you there and then (hopefully sounding gracious) and probably again when saying goodbye, and that would be it.
I would be happy with the same vice versa.

I would just say/expect a thank you at the time it was given

Why is it different to say exactly what it is? It's not like you're going to say "thank you for the X. I don't like it". You're just saying something extra for the sake of it and repeating the original thanks.

Fine if you want to but still unnecessary doubling up.

YANBU

This is called manners my children were taught to draw/scribble a picture to relatives on a thank you notelet when little then they would write a short card or phone up to say thank you. When older this changed to a text. It’s just manners, but appreciate not everyone has them but this was how I was brought up and my children have been brought up the same.

However, with DH’s family they rarely ever say thank you or acknowledge a gift if we send something in the post because they live far away we never know whether it has been received or whether they just couldn’t be bothered to text a quick thank you.

I have a friend who rarely acknowledges gifts and I used to find it rude but now I just accept it’s the way she is . I realised her non gratitude was not that she didn’t like the item when I saw her wearing / using them .

I've always made DC write cards for things received in the post too. But not for things handed over to them because they've done their thanks there and then.

I used to do it for all presents but MIL told me it was really unnecessary. I think it made her feel a bit awkward being double-thanked so I stopped.