People saying thank you for gifts

[thankyouuunext]

I wasn’t quite sure how to phrase the title, sorry.

I was wondering, if you gave someone a gift - whether it’s a physical item or cash, and they thanked you when you handed it over, later opened it in your absence but didn’t bring it up or say thank you again, would you take that initial thank you as a sign of their acceptance / appreciation?

Interested to hear your thoughts. Thanks!

Opened a gift last night in front of the giver and thanked them but after reading this thread, have sent them a message as well in case they think I am rude 😆

I only need the initial thank you

If they said thank you to my face that would be fine. Personally I’d always send a message after we’ve met thanking them for a nice time and the gift (or whatever is appropriate depending on the context).

My brother and his family NEVER say thank you for a gift and often don’t acknowledge it. It’s so frustrating when you have put the time and energy into chosing a suitable gift and it’s not even acknowledged.

Yes, I don’t need formalities. A thank you is a thank you.

When dc receive birthday gifts from friends at their party and I say thank you, I still also follow up with a message another day to say thank you. Honestly though, I could not tell you if I’ve received a single thank you for a present from others this year. Once the gift is given, out of sight out of mind. It’s the initial thank you that matters to me. I don’t care about the extra thank you later.

Same here. I don't think there is any reason to say thank you after the event too if you already knew what you were thanking them for. If anything, a thank you in person is better than over text.

Ah but you opened the gift in front of them and then said thank you in person so that’s not rude 😉

It’s when the gift is opened without the giver being present and then the recipient doesn’t thank them for it. IMO that is definitely rude.

I think a thank you at the time is enough. I personally hate the 'dance' of thank you notes, follow-up texts etc, to me they always feel like a formality that puts unnecessary pressure on everyone.

I have quite strong feelings about stuff like this. But I do feel I'm in the minority.

Yep, same for me. One thanks is plenty.

How many thank yous do you need?

As for manners, manners are meant to make things more comfortable between individuals, not less comfortable.

Those insisting that because their system of manners demands a particular sort of thank you ie written/texted when they have already received a verbal or non verbal one are rude in my own opinion.

If you give a gift, give a gift because you want to give it. If you expect something in return, even a particular type of thank you then that devalues the giving.

There would definitely be additional thank you’d & updates on how it was for a spa gift however with kids presents I think one is enough at the time of handing then a general thanks to all on the party WhatsApp afterwards. It gets a bit tennis thank you otherwise.

A gift was given and thanks received. I don't see any need for additional thanks at different times after. I do think it's always nicer to be opened in front of the giver when possible to share the joy.

Thank you at face to face handover time would suffice for me.
What I do hate though, is when I've posted a gift to someone or transferred money in lieu of a gift and I receive no acknowledgement whatsoever.
Apart from being bloody rude, I don't know if the recipient has actually got the gift or if I've transferred money to the correct account.
A quick text would suffice - I'm not looking for a huge fuss.

Gift receiving etiquette is a minefield these days! I’m happy with any sort of acknowledgement: when I’m handing the gift over, when they’ve opened it, whenever. But people are different. MIL’s SIL once handed over gifts to my children for Christmas. They opened them in front of her and said thank you. I mentioned that we had new school photographs of the pair of them and I would go and get a copy for her… She said to me, ‘no need to do it now - you can pop them in with their thank you cards.’ Why would I be sending cards when they have just thanked her in person when opening the gift? I guess it’s generational. Besides, buying thank you cards and popping stamps on them is rather wasteful IMO - especially when you have already thanked the person in person!!

My mate dropped my Birthday presents around the other day but didstop as i had a heavy cold and she's immune suppressed.

I said thank you at the time and then sent a further text saying thank yiu so much for my fabby presents. They really were nice so I wanted her to know that.

A thank you at the point of receipt is absolutely fine for me. It is rude when people don’t acknowledge a gift at all, which can sometimes happen.

If it was a box of chocs or bunch of flowers, something that can be seen at the time it was given, I wouldn't expect another thank you. In your case though, an expensive spa gift not open at the time- yes, I would expect at least a text saying thank you.

Due to distance, I post gifts to my god children as I don't always see them. It really annoys me when I don't even know if its arrived. Yes, I could pay extra for postage tracking, but I already spend enough on gifts and postage. I now ask, because I'd hate them to think I didn't send anything, but its also rude to not even text to say yes it arrive or Jimmy likes the lego, thank you etc.

This. They spent time selecting something you would like, so common courtesy would involve thanking them for the actual gift (once you know what it is) and acknowledging that you will enjoy the spa treatment, or whatever it is.

As long as they'd thanked me somehow, I'd be satisfied, but a written (email will do) thank you is always lovely.

I always make an effort to thank people because I know how much trouble things like hosting parties etc are, and choosing gifts too. It gives people great pleasure to be thanked and appreciated and it costs zilch. I'm always baffled by people who don't do it! It's one of the simple things which make the world better for us all.

Exactly.

When people say “It’s so rude” what they mean is,”I have a set of standards I live by and I expect everyone else to do the same thing, even though they don’t know those are my rules.” That feels rude to me.

OP was thanked for the gift and seems to be annoyed her gift wasn’t as good as the gift her friend raved about.

If for some reason I don't open something right away, I do send thanks once I have done. I still write thank you notes too.
I've stopped buying things and sending them to people who don't say thank you. It annoys me that I've spent time and thought on what to get, only to have no acknowledgement. I know the gift has got there because it's tracked, and I pay extra for gift wrapping.
In your situation I would be jolly annoyed too, as that's not a bargain from the Amazon discount page, @thankyouuunext

@BoredZelda oh wow, that’s really harsh. No need at all for a comment like that.

I know I’m in the minority but I don’t like receiving thank you cards, I’d rather not receive a text either. It feels performative and like the recipient is trying to make a point of how polite they are rather than actually thank someone for the gift. Also just another task and expectation for mums and women.
Maybe your friend doesn’t want the gift and that’s why they aren’t overly thankful? They may not want to get into an expensive gift exchange.

Yes! This is an excellent point - it does always seem to fall on mums/women to make sure that things like thank you cards are written and sent. And if they haven't been sent - it's always the mum who will be thought poorly of, never the dad!

I completely agree with that

For me, it's not about "necessity". It's about politeness and courtesy.

It's completely unnecessary for me to smile at the postman. It's completely unnecessary to say "morning" to the 6:30am labrador man. It's completely unnecessary for me to hold the door for someone.

But I'm polite. I was raised with good manners.

So I do these things. That would include sending a follow-up "Thank you" message to let the gift-buyer know I'd opened their gift and liked it. Completely unnecessary but basic courtesy for me.