Loving a day to myself to catch up on work while on holiday with my family

[gmfh]

We are currently away on holidays and I am spending a blissful day in our airbnb by myself just catching up on work. Dh has taken the kids out for the day. It's so lovely not to have the noise, the demands, having to keep everyone happy. And yes, I have to do work - marking at that so not the most fun of jobs. Does anyone else enjoy just getting away from their family while on holidays?

Is he sulking because you’re working and he’s spending day alone with the children that you say are moany and arguing all day?

I’d be asking why and helping my spouse instead of being resentful especially if they’re touched out and constantly being asked for things when you’re right there.

Oh no he sulks because he usually does when it's the four of us together. The sulking is pretty normal. I actually thinks he finds it easier managing the kids without me and vice versa. As some single parents say - it's just easier to get on with it rather than having to negotiate everything with another adult.

The being touched out is because Dh has insomnia so doesnt sleep very well, as a result anytime kids are awake in the night which they are given the nine hours difference, it's on me. So I havent had a proper night sleep for three days now, the kids are more moan and difficult than usual as they arent used to the food, the place, the time zone.

Ok so this isn’t a happy marriage OP
You are preferring to work rather than be on holiday with your family
and your DH is preferring you to work and for him to be alone with the children

I feel really sad for you OP that you see marking as having a break 😔 Your husband needs to pull his weight more so this isn’t the case

I completely get working while on holiday - after all, if you were a completely financially stable freelance poet or artist or journalist, few would question that you suddenly felt the urge/need/inspiration to write or paint. In a job where you work for someone else, people are more inclined to wonder if you might be exploited - "oh, poor thing - surely you can tell your boss NO for one week!??!" But it's not always that simple, and often has nothing to do with a boss who would very likely say, "yes, go, disconnect - see you in a week!" You may need or want to work for any number of reasons; only you know if that's right and necessary for you or not. If you do need to work on holiday, my advice would be take advantage of the quiet and privacy to work hard, so when your family are back you can completely focus on them, because that's a big part of a holiday too.

However, this: catching up on work is the only time I can get a legitimate break feels bad. A holiday should be time to unwind - for you and for your husband. That's the main reason why people DO say "don't work on holiday - take a real/full break". (Don't underestimate that until you've tried it). If either of you needs time alone as part of the holiday, the other should be willing to facilitate that, knowing that it'll be reciprocal. It may take some discussion to figure it out, but it's worth it. If that discussion somehow can't happen, then I think you have more of an issue with your relationship, which is manifesting right now as a holiday issue but perhaps goes a lot deeper than that.

Maybe am doing holidays with the family all wrong but I've honestly never really felt relaxed or refreshed after ours. I mean it's just full on 24/7 child entertainment in different surroundings where kids are more likely to find things more difficult and alien, struggle to eat foreign foods, more travel and usually less sleep. Yes, it's interesting to go to new places and I dont want to stop travelling just because we have kids, but relaxing? Do people really come back from holidays with kids refreshed? Plus yes our relationship isnt all that great and at home we just get on with the tasks and maybe that does mask it a bit more.

But op your problem is not your kids

it is fact you are happier working than with your husband

and your husband is happier with you working that with him and the children

It’s a DH problem. At home, you can skirt around each other, and not face the problems. On holiday, you’re together 24/7 and you’ve nowhere to hide from it. He’s sulky and you’ve hidden away for the day, already.

I’ve been there with an ex, it was the awful holidays that made me finally realised we were just not compatible.

Why on earth are you doing holidays on the other side of the world with young kids who don’t like the food?!! At that age we took ours to eurocamp in France or various places in Austria. The food is similar and there’s no jet lag. You’re making things difficult for yourself. And yes, I’ve done some work on holidays, although never marking as I loath it, so I understand that.

Marking after 3 days without proper sleep! Glad you're not marking my work tbh 😕

Am awake enough to mark my students' essays - I get sleep just broken sleep while being kicked by two little kids ;-)

We do plenty of Eurocamp style holidays though even then my kids never leave us alone so whilst it's closer, it's not like I get to sit down by the pool and read a book. I have to watch, get involved and cheers them on 24/7. At home, my kids do actually occupy themselves but on holiday they want our full attention the whole time.

Seriously op … at 5 and 7 you shouldn’t be describing life as you do. Sounds more like 1 and 3.
sort the sleep
stop going to the other side of the world
Sort your marriage

If DH has insomnia, wouldn't it make sense for him to deal with any kids who are awake during the night, rather than you both being awake?

I'm glad you got to spend some time by yourself at least, even if you did have to use it to work. Hope you're able to enjoy some holiday xx

Well he’s also with them for the daytime too

So because Dh has insomnia, he's taken sleeping pills for sleep for the last 15years - so he actually isnt awake at night but is groggy and out of it if he does have to wake up in the middle of the night. I've always done the nights. The kids' sleep is usually ok at home but when they are away, they insist on sleeping in my bed because they are scared in new places.

So stop taking them to the other side of the world

it is almost as though you are trying to make life hard

Yeah I've got to be honest if your relationship isn't great, neither you or your DH enjoy being on holiday together, nobody sleeps well and the kids are demanding of your attention 24/7, I'm not entirely sure why you would keep booking holidays... Especially flying to the other side of the world...

Is anyone enjoying it at all?

So the problem is dh really? Why is moaning and sulking? Where has he taken the kids? I don't want time away from my ds and dg on holiday. We go to spend time together. Being happy to be apart from them and happier working is really odd.

Enjoy @gmfh… my ex and I are taking our boys 6,5,5 on holiday tomorrow. I’ve booked the Butlin’s style hotel, he’s booked the 5* with infinity pool up the road. He’s already offered that we swap for a couple of days so I get a break too.
Holidays are supposed to be a break…. good for you

I've just said pretty much the same. @gmfh I can't understand why you would fly to the other side of the world when you say you and your husband never get on when you're on holiday and you would rather be alone working?!

the kids are more moan and difficult than usual as they aren't used to the food, the place, the time zone.

Everybody sounds completely miserable. What a waste.

The husband has taken the kids out for the day! I think that's pulling his weight.

This doesn’t sound like a particularly happy or functional set up, to be honest - and I do understand what you mean about it being harder when there’s two of you, but this sounds beyond that.

I also really don’t think that having insomnia means you don’t ever do a single night with the children. Frankly, that sounds like he’s being lazy and it’s an excuse.

Wouldn’t it be a better idea to plan holidays your children will enjoy?