Adult children moving back with Dad.

Fernandez54 · 2025-04-02T15:28:56+00:00

AiBU to not being happy with 23 year old son moving back in with my partner ? Context we have been together 3 years, when first met, his son was at university, he then ditched university, before her last year, said she had nowhere to live, Dad said he could move in with him, . He moved in and basically took over (I stay over about 4/5 nights a week) washing late at night, not cleaning or washing up, smoking weed in his bedroom, very temperamental. He stayed a year and then moved out to live in a shared house, that ends this summer and now saying he wants to move back in with Dad, he has said yes. I was planning to move in and as my daughter goes to university, but now I’m reluctant as just want some peace. Am I being selfish too?

Diarygirlqueen · 02/04/2025 16:34

Her dad has said she can move back and you havent officially moved in with him, so I would advise for you to stay put in your own home until this situation has resolved. I don't think he's doing anything wrong, except supporting his daughter. There is not many young adults today who can afford their own home.
You sound very negative towards his daughter.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 02/04/2025 16:39

But you don’t currently live there so I’m not sure you have any say in this.

BUT there’s no chance I’d be moving in either. Can you stay where you are, or get another place?

Brefugee · 02/04/2025 16:41

they can do what they like - but in your shoes i wouldn't be moving in with them

coxesorangepippin · 02/04/2025 16:42

Sounds like this might actually work in the dad's interests

frozendaisy · 02/04/2025 16:43

You will end up being the house cleaning elf
sounds dreadful
enjoy your peaceful home

Autumn38 · 02/04/2025 16:43

Yes he can move back into his childhood home if his dad says it’s ok. Not sure why you think you get a say in it.

Also there is no way in hell I’d be letting my home go with a uni aged child. Where is she going to go in the (very long) holidays??

Aligirlbear · 02/04/2025 16:44

On the basis you haven’t yet moved in you really don’t get a say , and even if you do move in it’s your partner’s house not yours / ours. Personally I would stay put in your own home as you don’t know yet how your own daughter will respond to university - will she love it and you never see her for 3 years apart from the odd fleeting weekend or will she get homesick / not like it and want to be home more often - how would that work if you have moved in with your partner ? Plus the stress of another adult child at home

Apricotfuzz · 02/04/2025 16:46

I'm too confused by the he/her/him/she. Is it two children?

nadine90 · 02/04/2025 16:48

It’s really hard for young people these days with ridiculous rent prices and CoL. Your daughter may also need to move back home during uni breaks and after graduating. Yanbu not to want to live with your partners adult son, but you don’t get a say in whether they move in with their dad or not. I’d think very carefully about how the dynamics would work with both your kids living with you.

Original poster

Fernandez54 · 02/04/2025 16:50

Autumn38 · 02/04/2025 16:43

Yes he can move back into his childhood home if his dad says it’s ok. Not sure why you think you get a say in it.

Also there is no way in hell I’d be letting my home go with a uni aged child. Where is she going to go in the (very long) holidays??

Who said I was letting my home go? Does it say that in the post? I’m not letting it go I’m keeping it that was always my intention 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:

Original poster

Fernandez54 · 02/04/2025 16:51

Apricotfuzz · 02/04/2025 16:46

I'm too confused by the he/her/him/she. Is it two children?

Sorry him it was because I mentioned my daughter and got confused. Tired from work

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Original poster

Fernandez54 · 02/04/2025 16:52

Aligirlbear · 02/04/2025 16:44

On the basis you haven’t yet moved in you really don’t get a say , and even if you do move in it’s your partner’s house not yours / ours. Personally I would stay put in your own home as you don’t know yet how your own daughter will respond to university - will she love it and you never see her for 3 years apart from the odd fleeting weekend or will she get homesick / not like it and want to be home more often - how would that work if you have moved in with your partner ? Plus the stress of another adult child at home

I’m keeping my home - and when my daughter came home I planned to stay with her at my house, if that makes sense

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Roastiesarethebestbit · 02/04/2025 16:52

I think you are being very unrealistic. Many young people bounce back and forth until they are stable. Getting your own place isn’t easy in your early twenties! It seems totally reasonable for your partner to allow their child to move back in, and totally unreasonable for you to plan to move in with your partner as soon as your own child goes to Uni, leaving them with potentially no home to go back to.

Timeforaglassofwine · 02/04/2025 16:54

I wouldn't move in on the basis for your dd going to uni. She isn't leaving home, she is just away for 35ish weeks a year. Her home is still with you, and don't forget that each year her student loans are based on household income.

Original poster

Fernandez54 · 02/04/2025 16:54

Diarygirlqueen · 02/04/2025 16:34

Her dad has said she can move back and you havent officially moved in with him, so I would advise for you to stay put in your own home until this situation has resolved. I don't think he's doing anything wrong, except supporting his daughter. There is not many young adults today who can afford their own home.
You sound very negative towards his daughter.

It’s his son sorry typo, we do get along that why I asked if I was being unreasonable, I am supporting it btw, these are just my personal thoughts

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Original poster

Fernandez54 · 02/04/2025 16:55

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 02/04/2025 16:39

But you don’t currently live there so I’m not sure you have any say in this.

BUT there’s no chance I’d be moving in either. Can you stay where you are, or get another place?

Yes I can stay where I am

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outerspacepotato · 02/04/2025 16:55

Your partner's son wants to move back in with him?

Do you actually live there or not? If no, you don't really get a say. Not your home. Staying over isn't living there. Planning to move in isn't living there.

You might want to put off moving in.

Original poster

Fernandez54 · 02/04/2025 16:56

coxesorangepippin · 02/04/2025 16:42

Sounds like this might actually work in the dad's interests

Can I ask why ?

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BeaAndBen · 02/04/2025 16:56

That’s his home, his Dad’s house. The twenties are often boomerang years these days with the housing market as it is.

There’s nothing wrong with this young man moving back home. However, I definitely wouldn’t be moving in if I were you, OP. Leave it another couple of years.

Original poster

Fernandez54 · 02/04/2025 16:57

Roastiesarethebestbit · 02/04/2025 16:52

I think you are being very unrealistic. Many young people bounce back and forth until they are stable. Getting your own place isn’t easy in your early twenties! It seems totally reasonable for your partner to allow their child to move back in, and totally unreasonable for you to plan to move in with your partner as soon as your own child goes to Uni, leaving them with potentially no home to go back to.

I have got a home, I wouldn’t abandon my own child, sorry I should of added more context to the post.

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takealettermsjones · 02/04/2025 17:00

Don't move in with him!

Els1e · 02/04/2025 17:00

YABU

Original poster

Fernandez54 · 02/04/2025 17:00

BeaAndBen · 02/04/2025 16:56

That’s his home, his Dad’s house. The twenties are often boomerang years these days with the housing market as it is.

There’s nothing wrong with this young man moving back home. However, I definitely wouldn’t be moving in if I were you, OP. Leave it another couple of years.

Thank you I just wanted to put it out there, I will probably just keep to our arrangement for now, until things settle. I’m not disagreeing with anyone here or their comments.

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Original poster

Fernandez54 · 02/04/2025 17:01

Els1e · 02/04/2025 17:00

YABU

Yes I think so, I will keep it as it is

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Starlight7080 · 02/04/2025 17:02

So can your child move back home when they need to ? If they needed to at say 25 is it OK?
Is it only OK if they make no mess or stick to a routine you have decided is acceptable?
He should be putting his child first . Or do you think he should put you first?
Do you put him above your child?