Fiancés ex wife

[Chillednursey]

My fiancé is still very close to his ex wife, they have 2 grown up sons & I have my own so we are like a modern family. He deletes all messages from his ex wife & regularly I find snippets of information that he is still supporting her & acting in the husband support role. She has never met anyone else & is unlikely to, so I feel like she is forever going to be like a spare wheel?

Absolutely not, he wants to get married more than me (wants me to have the same surname) I’m really not bothered. All I asked for was to have the house we live in as our home (that I contribute to) in case he dies….I asked for nothing else. I don’t want half of everything at all & more than happy for his boys to have the lions share.

He wants you to be his, like property, but isn’t willing to share equally with you or give you the long term security that marriage is, let’s be honest, beneficial for? So he can get what he wants but only on his terms that you accept - let’s get this right - 1 tenth ?

Why is that all you’re worth, as his chosen life partner going forward into all the future decades you would presumably share together til death?

The very last thing on Earth that I would want to be is the stepmother to boys like that. I wouldn't want to be involved with someone who was so involved with his ex either so my answer would be to move on on my own.

Why does he delete stuff?

I moved out yesterday while he was away in London with work. My daughter came to help. The last straw was when I went in the safe to get my spare car key & logbook I saw a will that was dated October 2021 (5 weeks before we got engaged & together 5 years) that named his ex wife as a beneficially for 2/10 & 8/10 for his boys. He has since changed his will only 6 months ago so that I receive 1/10 & the boys 9/10. I haven’t seen that in full though. So I feel like he is always going to want to financially support the Ex wife. I am now at my sisters & thinking how to move forward as he is begging me to go back. I could stay here or move back in my old home with my grown up kids.

OP you sound really unhappy. Ask yourself how you will feel in (say) 10 years time if nothing has changed. It's hard now but before long you will be grateful you moved on.

You sound like a really lovely, caring person who deserves someone who will treat you with more love and respect. Please don't put yourself through any more of this shit.

You need to take time to decide what you want and whether that is a relationship with him.

His EW will always be there. If you want him, what boundaries do you want. Is he willing to agree?

The old will would worry me. Why was that not destroyed if there is a new one. That is what you are meant to do.

If he is begging you to go back, it might be a good idea to block him at least temporarily. Then you will have more space to think through how you feel and what you want to do going forward.

Even if he changed the will again in your favour you couldn’t trust him.

Move back into your own space, take back control of your life, and institute a break so you can think about how you want to spend the next 20-30 years of your life. It might be that this relationship has run its course but don’t be bounced into making any fast decisions you may later regret.