To think my husband needs to get a proper job

[Rastyopolis]

My husband is ex army, been out 15 years. He's now a photographer, editorial, portraits, but hasn't earned much since pre covid, he's focussed on projects and won awards but they don't pay.

I'm the main earner, and we've just completed a house move and renovation in the last 2 years, I'm getting frustrated and tired of being the only earner. Yet I'm being unsupportive because I'm not helping him get clients.

Didn't you like the way the thread went last time you posted this?

Did you post this before? Its very familiar
If so the advice last time was to tell him to get a bloody job

You need to lose about 15 stone of deadweight from around your neck
Go and see a solicitor and get a divorce

Suggest he does school photography. It might help pay the bills.

I was married to a failed photographer. I gave him 6 months and said if he wasn’t contributing towards the mortgage by the end of it he’d have to go and get a proper job and the photography would have to be a hobby

He has a hobby, not a job.
tell him he has a month to get something sorted or it’s over.

It is sad when people can't follow their dreams or do a job they love but in the real world we need to earn money.

Is the issue that you don't actually have money problems? It's a much easier sell if you can't pay the bills.

Marriage counselling? If money isn't an issue it would be worth exploring what is - you feel taken for granted, you believe everyone should work 40 hours a week otherwise they're lazy, you're worried about losing your income or the example being set for DC if you have them.

Came here to post this. I reckon it’s the third time.

Yes he needs to get a proper job.

Have you told him?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5240119-to-think-my-husband-needs-to-find-another-vocation

Yes he does and yes he does.

Good lord, the other time is even the top thread in Similar Threads!

OP, can you update on what conversations you’ve had with him over the past few months around your previous posts? What’s his attitude now? What has he tried to do to get work (outside photography)?

I really wonder at the mentality of people who post this. Is it a desire to feel superior? Does it make them feel like an insider? Part of the cool gang?

After all, what is it to you if people post repeatedly about an issue bothering them? People only reply if they want to.

It’s perfectly normal for people to have repeated conversations on the same topic in RL.

If something is bothering someone they often want to reach out repeatedly to others. To speak about it more than once.

Let them do it. It’s not hurting anyone, and Mumsnet is not rationed.

So nothing has changed. Have you done anything about it since December when you last asked?

It’s actually very annoying to have the same person come back month after month starting the same thread for the same advice which they will, yet again, ignore. People take time to give considered advice and commiserate with the OP and then it is just ignored, they do nothing, then come back and ask the same thing. Why? It’s a waste of everyone’s time. OP isn’t going to do anything or take any advice so what is the point?

This. Posters do post considered, kind answers. Then they are ignored because OP wants something different. It’s annoying.

Yes, it is very very important to me to be part of the cool gang, its what I live for.
If any of the cool gang are reading this please could they let me know if me mentioning that OP has posted the same recently has secured me a place please?

I’m OBVIOUSLY one of the cool gang. Natch. You’re in Hop.

Don't know matey, but there's a fair few of us we could start a new gang 🤣🤣

It's not a case of wanting to talk about it more or anything it's exactly the same OP as previously, although I didn't realise quite how many times it had been posted.

People have clearly wasted a lot of their time thought and energy into trying to help someone who isn't even vaguely interested in the answers who just wants to post the same OP again and again.

It's weird

As an honorary member of the Cool Gang, I would add that last time, there were pages and pages of responses and TWO replies from OP. We are either engaging with a troll / bot post to boost eyes on adverts or everyone is wasting their time.

edit because I was too cool for correct punctuation.

I wonder if the replies would be the same if a man said to a women you need to get a proper job or i am leaving?

If you want to leave do so but he is an adult

No amount of posting about your situation is going to change it. No one here has a magic wand
Either accept it or do something about it!

Does he get an Army pension? Or is it solely your income?

Jesus. OP, I remember your last thread. We all said it then. He’s awful.

And he wants you to have another child, despite having an adult child and being in your 40s.

This guy is a joke. What do you want us to say?

Thank you, means so much (apparently)
AND I got a cool nickname, day made!

He really saw you coming didn't he!