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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my ex for benefit fraud

58 replies

cadburyegg · 01/04/2025 18:31

I’ll give some background.

Exh and I broke up 4 years ago. Divorced for 1 year now. Originally he paid £250 a month maintenance. 18 months ago it was time to remortgage so I bought him out of the house. £100k was transferred to him. My solicitor said at the time, that £100k was very generous. But he is living in a small rented flat, and whilst it’s obviously not up to me how he spends the money, I wanted him to be able to buy a reasonable sized property for the benefit of our children who go to stay with him EOW (and a bit more in the holidays).

Anyway a month later he went self employed and stopped paying regular maintenance. I went to the CMS and they said he didn’t have to pay due to the benefits he was receiving. A few months ago they did their annual review and the situation is the same. I asked them to look into the £100k he had - a “variation” of income or something, again, they said due to the type of benefits he’s receiving, and the fact he has the children EOW, he doesn’t need to pay. Full disclosure, I do sometimes get something from him. For example in February this year he sent me £90. I didn’t get anything in March.

The things he says to me (I don’t ask) and his lifestyle suggests he isn’t struggling for cash. Last year he bought a new car and he went away 2-3 times for weekends away (this is what he tells me, I don’t ask). A few weeks ago he sent me a message by accident, clearly meant for someone else as he deleted it shortly after, saying that he’d been commissioned to do an expensive piece of work for a major company. He complains about buying ANYTHING for the children on his time. Last week I gave him a set of swimming things so he can take our dc1 to his swimming lesson on his time and he’s lost the goggles already. He text me moaning about having to buy more.

Several people on here have suggested I report him for benefit fraud. I haven’t because I don’t see how that would help. I wouldn’t get any extra money, I’d probably get even less than I do now. I can afford not to get the maintenance, well I don’t have much of a choice do I, but I’m not living on the breadline. He has the children about 30% of the time, on average across the year.

Last night I asked him to look at the summer holidays and let me know when he would like to look after the children. He works term time only, but I have to book annual leave/holiday clubs. He responded saying he’d look into it but at some point he is going on holiday, to another country, which is one of the ones that the foreign office advises against travelling to.

I’m fucking fuming. I feel like something has snapped in me. How dare he go to another country that’s at risk, when he has young children. How dare he spend hundreds going on holiday to another country when he can’t even provide the bare minimum for his own children. So I am very tempted to report him now, but I’m worried it will come back to bite me.

talk me down please!

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 01/04/2025 18:37

How dare he go to another country that’s at risk, when he has young children.
That wouldnt bother me.

How dare he spend hundreds going on holiday to another country when he can’t even provide the bare minimum for his own children
That is what would anger me.

Somanyoption · 01/04/2025 18:37

You don’t say that he’s actually claiming any benefits

ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/04/2025 18:38

If you don’t no what benefits he’s on, what are you reporting him for? Who too?

Quitelikeit · 01/04/2025 18:42

You will find many men up and down the country have became self employed in order to evade child maintenance

it’s a common tactic

don’t think the CSA doing anything about it as they can’t prove it

Original poster
cadburyegg · 01/04/2025 18:50

The CMS have told me he’s claiming benefits. I’m assuming it’s universal credit or income support. A high amount of savings is disregarded for a year but £100,000 is above that and it’s been more than a year. You aren’t entitled to those benefits if you have savings of £16,000 or over.

OP posts:
IsawwhatIsaw · 01/04/2025 18:54

Quitelikeit · 01/04/2025 18:42

You will find many men up and down the country have became self employed in order to evade child maintenance

it’s a common tactic

don’t think the CSA doing anything about it as they can’t prove it

Yes, depressingly when I worked giving benefit advice I saw this time and again. Men going self employed, pleading poverty then buying expensive new cars, having expensive holidays etc.

Somanyoption · 01/04/2025 18:56

cadburyegg · 01/04/2025 18:50

The CMS have told me he’s claiming benefits. I’m assuming it’s universal credit or income support. A high amount of savings is disregarded for a year but £100,000 is above that and it’s been more than a year. You aren’t entitled to those benefits if you have savings of £16,000 or over.

Perhaps he has poured it in to his pension

he won’t be able to hide £100k easily

and by the sounds of it…. He’s certainly spending money very quickly

CMS told you he was claiming benefits?

Somanyoption · 01/04/2025 18:57

cadburyegg · 01/04/2025 18:50

The CMS have told me he’s claiming benefits. I’m assuming it’s universal credit or income support. A high amount of savings is disregarded for a year but £100,000 is above that and it’s been more than a year. You aren’t entitled to those benefits if you have savings of £16,000 or over.

How long past a year?

Nonametonight · 01/04/2025 19:03

If it's universal credit you could get child maintenance deductions straight out of his benefits (albeit not very much). It won't be income support because that's being phased out. Tbh, I think the person at CMS just couldn't be bothered

Somanyoption · 01/04/2025 19:05

So he had £100k a year ago

he’s bought a very expensive car, lots of holidays, and been paying rent and living costs for the last year? That will have depleted this £100k a LOT

Somanyoption · 01/04/2025 19:06

Nonametonight · 01/04/2025 19:03

If it's universal credit you could get child maintenance deductions straight out of his benefits (albeit not very much). It won't be income support because that's being phased out. Tbh, I think the person at CMS just couldn't be bothered

Unlikely

if the op is receiving zero via CMS it’s because he’s receiving zero benefits. Simple. As. That!

JohnofWessex · 01/04/2025 19:09

What you are looking at is a lifestyle inconsistent with his declared income as far as the CMS are concerned.

You can report benefit fraud here

https://www.gov.uk/report-benefit-fraud

I might add that many criminals and benefit fraudsters are caught not because of the brilliance of law enforcement but because they have pissed someone off who knows what they have done

Report benefit fraud

Report someone committing benefit fraud - you can report anonymously.

https://www.gov.uk/report-benefit-fraud

Staceysmum2025 · 01/04/2025 19:09

He may well be claiming universal credits, but the award is zero because of the extra money that he has in the account so he has the best of both worlds.

Staceysmum2025 · 01/04/2025 19:10

However I believe under section one of the children’s act you can take him to family Court to get a variation of income on the basis that you actually do know that you have sent him £100,000 so he needs to send you somewhere between 12 and 15% of that every year For child support

Original poster
cadburyegg · 01/04/2025 19:14

The CMS letter literally says “X receives state benefits”.

OP posts:
Somanyoption · 01/04/2025 19:14

cadburyegg · 01/04/2025 19:14

The CMS letter literally says “X receives state benefits”.

And you still pay CMS when in receipt of state benefits

Somanyoption · 01/04/2025 19:16

If you are a paying parent and you, or your partner, get benefits, you will pay the flat rate of maintenance.

Original poster
cadburyegg · 01/04/2025 19:17

It’s a combination of him receiving benefits and having the children more than 1 night a week on average.

I don’t really understand why I’m having to argue this point, that’s not what this thread is about. I’ll post a screenshot of the letter later.

OP posts:
Somanyoption · 01/04/2025 19:19

cadburyegg · 01/04/2025 19:17

It’s a combination of him receiving benefits and having the children more than 1 night a week on average.

I don’t really understand why I’m having to argue this point, that’s not what this thread is about. I’ll post a screenshot of the letter later.

I believe he receives benefits
but if he does, he still pays maintenance
unless as you have updated he has substantial number of nights. And it must be more than EOW

HaddyAbrams · 01/04/2025 19:20

Good luck getting anyone to listen/investigate anything.
My ex moved in with his now wife and was allowed to reduce his CMS payments as she had DC. (I disagree that that's fair, but it's the rules). A few months later I found out he had moved out again, and send evidence to the CMS. They didn't care.
Then he quit work as his DP "couldn't cope" with her 2DC on her own, they then chose to have 3 more (odd decision if you can't manage 2).
I haven't had a penny in over 10 years, DC are adults now. I sent evidence numerous times to CMS to show he was working, they didn't care. He's been working cash in hand for most of it.

Edited to add: he never had to pay the £7 per week that is usually paid from benefits because they claimed carers allowance or something. The system is a joke.

Original poster
cadburyegg · 01/04/2025 19:28

Somanyoption · 01/04/2025 19:19

I believe he receives benefits
but if he does, he still pays maintenance
unless as you have updated he has substantial number of nights. And it must be more than EOW

Edited
Show quote history

I don’t really understand why you’re so invested in this and defending him. Classic. I said in my OP he has them approx 30% of the time. That and a combination of him receiving benefits means he doesn’t have to pay. I have no reason to be making it up.

OP posts:
Somanyoption · 01/04/2025 19:35

cadburyegg · 01/04/2025 19:28

I don’t really understand why you’re so invested in this and defending him. Classic. I said in my OP he has them approx 30% of the time. That and a combination of him receiving benefits means he doesn’t have to pay. I have no reason to be making it up.

Show quote history

Very odd
I am a single mother
not defending him
explaining why that £100k after a year of spending like water may be below £16k
shrug

Somanyoption · 01/04/2025 19:36

of our children who go to stay with him EOW (and a bit more in the holidays).

He must have a lot in holidays for this total 30%

do you use him for childcare a lot during your time?

Somanyoption · 01/04/2025 19:40

either way I’ll back away
I don’t think reporting him will get you anywhere given it would seem you already have reported him for having savings a few
Months ago and l nothing was done few months ago they did their annual review and the situation is the same. I asked them to look into the £100k he had - a “variation” of income or something,

Original poster
cadburyegg · 01/04/2025 19:47

HaddyAbrams · 01/04/2025 19:20

Good luck getting anyone to listen/investigate anything.
My ex moved in with his now wife and was allowed to reduce his CMS payments as she had DC. (I disagree that that's fair, but it's the rules). A few months later I found out he had moved out again, and send evidence to the CMS. They didn't care.
Then he quit work as his DP "couldn't cope" with her 2DC on her own, they then chose to have 3 more (odd decision if you can't manage 2).
I haven't had a penny in over 10 years, DC are adults now. I sent evidence numerous times to CMS to show he was working, they didn't care. He's been working cash in hand for most of it.

Edited to add: he never had to pay the £7 per week that is usually paid from benefits because they claimed carers allowance or something. The system is a joke.

Edited

God, 10 years.

The injustice of it just gets to me so much.

OP posts: