To think DH pretending not to hear the baby crying at 3 AM is some sort of Olympic level skill?

[Sarah820]

Honestly, I swear my DH has some kind of superpower when it comes to “not hearing” the baby at night. Baby wakes up screaming at 3 AM, I’m up like a shot, meanwhile DH is lying there like he’s in a coma. I nudge him, nothing. I whisper his name, nothing. I say his name a bit louder, still nothing. Then I full-on shake him and suddenly he’s all “oh sorry, I didn’t hear” ???

But if I so much as turn my phone screen on under the duvet at 11 PM, he’s wide awake moaning about the “glow” keeping him up. Make it make sense.

AIBU to think he’s just pretending so I deal with it, or do some men actually just have selective deafness when it comes to babies? Because I’m seriously considering playing a 3 AM air horn next time just to test the theory.

Unfortunately I think there is some science in this. I don't know how credible this article is, but it's not the only place I've seen it.

www.madeformums.com/news/why-dad-really-cant-hear-babys-night-cries/

I had this. He nearly got lynched by me and the other sleep-deprived new mother that he was bragging at!

He did help out in the first weeks when I was recovering from the births by doing the nappy change part and bringing baby to me, but by that stage I was BFing so no point in wasting energy waking him up. However recognition that I was up at least 2x 45 mins each night would have been nice.
And yes to the him being soooo tired 🙄

Currently enjoying the early teenage years before they develop independent social lives

My husband was the same, slept through it and I don't think he was faking (he's a hands on Dad and not a twat) I literally wake on a pin drop even though my DS is coming up to 5 years old, and I still hear him waking up in his bedroom first. Something must click hormonally when you've had a baby as I didn't use to wake so easily.

I did nudge him awake alot during the first 4 weeks when he was on extended paternity (shared parental leave) as I had a c section and needed help lifting the baby out of the snuzpod and we took turns changing him, however after he went back to work and I was breast feeding (and 90% recovered from the c section) I just let him sleep through.

Big hugs OP, newborn stage is hard work. Xx

I always heard the cat screaming at night due to our baby waking up. That’s how I got up. Otherwise, I never heard the cries. Much to my OH’s annoyance 😐

I definitely became attuned to crying. My youngest is 20 now and I am finally free of it, I don't really mind our neighbours' baby crying. But it took this long.
(The downside of that is that if I'm in a cafe or somewhere, and there are kids running a bit wild, I have no patience for that. When I had little kids I was attuned differently and realised it was mostly natural behaviour in an unnatural setting.)
DH snored his way through a lot tbh. I used to wake him up to do his share, which was what we agreed. He just never had the switch flicked that made him react to a baby's cry.

Oh that's interesting. I was having lunch with my Aunt and (female) cousin in a cafe last week. A newborn started crying and all three of us reacted like meercats, heads up and eyes swivelling to locate the baby. Totally instinctive.

It's inbuilt into women/mothers to wake up at the sound of a baby crying going back to hunter gatherer days. Men don't have the same, they as the protector are more likely than a woman to wake up from noise outside etc.

Before I had my babies I could sleep through anything, including huge thunderstorms. A baby crying wouldn't have woken me so I'd say it's entirely possible that your husband isn't faking it.

As soon as I had the 1st baby, the slightest snuffle would wake me up - biology is quite brilliant! By the time they were teenagers, I was back to sleeping deeply again. These days I'm a bit deaf as well but when I had a little puppy (in a crate beside the bed at night) she could wake me with a tiny squeak!

I see this all the time.

I guess we still have our cave person instincts buried deep!

I wear earplugs while I’m feeding her as his breathing annoys me 😆 he does make sure I have a thermos of tea and one of very cold coconut water though, so I have drinks through the night. But does make me growl when he tells everyone how tired he is after being woken up through the night; I didn’t realise someone could snore whilst awake!

Which hormones do that?