Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Am I doing everything right re being off sick in probation?

55 replies

TinyLittleLion · 01/04/2025 07:32

Hi all,

I’m in a bit of a state and could really use some perspective. I started a new job recently and I really, genuinely like it—it’s the first job in ages that feels like it could actually suit me long-term. But I’ve ended up off sick during my probation period due to a flare-up of my chronic condition, and now I’ve been off for four days.

On top of that, I have CPTSD, cyclothymia, and there’s a possibility I have a personality disorder too. I’ve struggled with my mental health for a long time, and this week it all just hit me at once—physically and emotionally. It’s been like a full-on breakdown. I’m trying really hard to break old patterns (I’ve quit jobs in the past when this has happened), and I don’t want to quit this time. But I feel so ashamed and anxious about being off sick so soon.

I’ve contacted Access to Work and spoken to the doctor—I’m trying to do the right things and get support in place. But I don’t know what to say to my manager. I’ve kept my messages vague so far but they are aware of my conditions, just said I’ve been unwell. Part of me wants to explain and be honest about what’s going on… but another part of me thinks maybe I’ve already blown it, and I should just hand in my notice and avoid the embarrassment.

Has anyone been through something similar? Should I just message and explain that I’m having a flare and some mental health struggles, that I’m seeking help and really want to come back? Or is that too much? I’m terrified of seeming unstable or unreliable, but I also don’t want to keep running every time things get hard.

Any advice would really help. I just feel like a mess right now and I don’t want to give up on this job.

OP posts:

Cannaeberught · 01/04/2025 07:33

Honestly? In our work place I think reasons would be found for you not to pass probation. Sorry.

Cannaeberught · 01/04/2025 07:34

Perhaps you need to get he help before the next job

Hoggyhoghog · 01/04/2025 07:35

Sorry, I agree with previous poster if you are in probation and it’s not an acute injury they will likely be looking to let you go.

Can you start working in a self employed role where you can mitigate this cycle repeating itself? I know that will depend on your family finances.

Hapeaglowb · 01/04/2025 07:36

Does someone have to cover for you? If so I can’t really see how this would work right now - can you recover before you look for work. Agree with a PP - in my current company you’d be managed out unfortunately.

QuestionableMouse · 01/04/2025 07:37

Cannaeberught · 01/04/2025 07:34

Perhaps you need to get he help before the next job

Perhaps you should stop posting unhelpful ableist rubbish.

@TinyLittleLion if you're ill, you're ill. Focus on feeling better then go back to work and be excellent at your job 💐

Original poster

TinyLittleLion · 01/04/2025 07:39

It’s a contact centre job, no one needs to cover for me.

Fair enough, I didn’t really need the money I just wanted to do something for me and something I enjoyed but it is what it is, I’ll pop my notice over now.

It’s really I don’t know ironic that the government want disabled people to go back to work but then If they dare be disabled they’re at a disadvantage. Oh well, thank you for your replies everyone.

OP posts:

CountryMumof4 · 01/04/2025 07:39

I think it partly depends on how long you a) anticipate needing off this time and b) historically how many periods of absence/how long they were in previous employment. It does sound like you're determined to break the cycle and it's important that you get as much support as possible in place for this, and coping mechanisms for when you have flare ups. It's a tricky one when you're in probation as employers tend to be more understanding when you're an established member of staff. Obviously, we'd all prefer not to have time off during probation, but sometimes it can't be helped.

AgnesX · 01/04/2025 07:39

When you provide your sick line, ensure your protected condition is in it, and when you have your back to work meeting with your manager explain how it affects you and what they can do to support you.

Try not get overwhelmed.

Mrsttcno1 · 01/04/2025 07:40

I think it depends on your job, how important/skilled you are- how much they need you basically.

In my most jobs I’d agree with other posters that you’d probably be being managed out, they’d find a reason to fail probation. In my own place I have seen my employer be really flexible & understanding in similar situations where it was a person they couldn’t afford to lose & would struggle to replace though.

CountryMumof4 · 01/04/2025 07:42

TinyLittleLion · 01/04/2025 07:39

It’s a contact centre job, no one needs to cover for me.

Fair enough, I didn’t really need the money I just wanted to do something for me and something I enjoyed but it is what it is, I’ll pop my notice over now.

I don't think you should necessarily rush to hand your notice in just yet, OP. Maybe get through this week, get a doc note and try to get in next week if you're able, and then have a discussion with your manager.

ShhhItsJustMagic · 01/04/2025 07:43

You're trying really hard, that's so admirable, OP!

Concentrate on getting better, keep communication up with your employer and you'll be fine.

It's great you're enjoying the job, you've got this!

Sacmagique75 · 01/04/2025 07:43

I think some of these comments are unnecessarily harsh. Are you private or public sector? These days there are lots of protections in place. I say be honest about your health issues and that you are keen to come back. If it’s genuine illness, that is not a reason for them to fail your probation. A colleague I work with was off a lot in her probation with a chronic illness and has continued to have a lot of sick leave since. The management have been nothing but fully supportive to her and made all the accommodations necessary. I’ll be honest it was a little hard for me to see at first having come from a private sector role where you were made to feel bad for even one day off sick if you were literally at deaths door (resulting in me never taking any sickness leave even when genuinely needed!) but I can see how this is a much fairer and actually normal response.

sounds like you’ve struggled with your health and career over the years so if you’ve found a job you like, don’t let this ruin it and self sabotage. Despite what previous posters say, there ARE supportive managers out there. Wishing you well OP!

Ddakji · 01/04/2025 07:45

Don’t hand your notice in!!

They might well not pass your probation, but you should still carry on until that happens. The more in work you are the more you’ll find out what works and how you can help yourself.

Thereisntenoughgin · 01/04/2025 07:46

Don't whatever you do hand your notice in! Wait for the process to unfold officially. You never know OP, you might find them open to working with you. There might be support they can put in place. If you think you want to stay on, then dig deep and fight for it.

SoftPillow · 01/04/2025 07:46

Some sick days during probation wouldn’t be a problem for us, if the employee was otherwise reliable and met their goals / did the work well.

Could you go in today, tomorrow? What’s your plan for getting back to work?

Is there an adjustment that they could make that would improve things?

If you can’t see any route back or you can’t see a way in which you could reliably work for them, then yes, I might consider resigning in order to recover and get into a better place for another new role.

But, if you can see a way in which it could work, so that they have a reliable employee and you can balance health with work, then I would give that a shot first before making any rash decisions. Employers can be understanding, but they also need the work done.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 01/04/2025 07:46

I would tell the manager (or HR, if that's more appropriate) about your conditions and which are affecting you at this point. You mention Access To Work so presumably these count as a disability and that gives you some protection.

If you've seen the Dr, do you have a fit note? If so pass that onto your manager and let them know you'll be in touch towards the end of that [so you can update them - yes you'll be back, or no you're going back to the doctor].

In our place, we would extend your probation by the time you were off (not for a one day thing, but if a week or more). If you were off so long that you couldn't complete the probation, we would terminate your employment contract.

Hope you feel better soon 🌼

hopeishere · 01/04/2025 07:47

Don’t pop you resignation in! How long have you been there - weeks or months? Have you been managing the work ok? Otherwise reliable? How long do you expect to be off?

I guess if you don’t need the money that fine but as you say a sense of purpose is impietanr too. Have you thought about something like supported voluntary work?

TorroFerney · 01/04/2025 07:48

TinyLittleLion · 01/04/2025 07:39

It’s a contact centre job, no one needs to cover for me.

Fair enough, I didn’t really need the money I just wanted to do something for me and something I enjoyed but it is what it is, I’ll pop my notice over now.

That’s a slightly extreme reaction based on two replies! Yes that could happen but depending on how easy it is to recruit and if they’ve trained you and how good you are they may be more lenient .

Ilovelurchers · 01/04/2025 07:49

Please please please please please don't resign because of what people say on here - a website where there is an enormous right wing bias.

In my workplace you would be fine, as in any other which observes employment law and does not sack people because of things they can't help. God knows where the first few posters on here work, but I wouldn't want to work there..... Sacked for being unwell- fuck's sake!

I would be honest with your employers, and on your return to work talk to them about how they can support you get Feb your existing health issues.

Good luck.

Ineffable23 · 01/04/2025 07:52

I'd not assume sick days during probation were going to be a killer, especially as they are disability related. I would go with saying you have had a flare up of a long term health condition/disability, and are keen to work with them to get back to work. Maybe it won't work out but it's worth a try.

Jk987 · 01/04/2025 07:55

OP, I think some people on here are projecting and being harsh.

It's only been 4 days! How long do you think you'll need off? Why don't you book some annual leave to cover it. Or could you offer to take a month off unpaid?

Balloonney · 01/04/2025 07:57

I'd be honest with your manager, if your alternative is just handing in your notice then you have nothing to lose.

I have a chronic condition and have always declared it before starting jobs and because of this always had to have some sort of occ health consultation as part of recruitment; one employer then withdrew for ridiculous reasons, but none others have had an issue. It's meant when I have needed time and/or adjustments it's in my record, they know and I have an element of protection i guess.

Jellycatspyjamas · 01/04/2025 07:57

You really need to disclose your disability to your employer - there are legal protections in place but if they don’t know, they can’t support you and you can’t rely on those protections. Don’t resign, you might fail probation but you’ll have had 6 months in work to figure out the kinds of support you need to take into your next job. And you may not fail probation, in my workplace we’d be looking to support you through occupational health. You’ve found a job you like, at least give it a good go before resigning.

Youre doing the right thing looking at Access to Work, keep working on your recovery and go from there.

itsgettingweird · 01/04/2025 07:58

I wouldn’t be handing your notice either.

explain to your boss and explain the steps you’re taking. If you have estimated timescales provide them (easier said than done with a MH flare up I know).

vivainsomnia · 01/04/2025 07:59

Definitely don't resign! A discussion with your boss might be good. If you do, don't focus on explaining your disorders. Talk about how this job is the first you've enjoyed, really want to stay and then talk about the steps you are taking to avoid relapse. Say you feel positive that as you settle in the job, you will be able to fully manage your conditions. Good luck.

Flip

1 2 3