Am I doing everything right re being off sick in probation?

[TinyLittleLion]

Hi all,

I’m in a bit of a state and could really use some perspective. I started a new job recently and I really, genuinely like it—it’s the first job in ages that feels like it could actually suit me long-term. But I’ve ended up off sick during my probation period due to a flare-up of my chronic condition, and now I’ve been off for four days.

On top of that, I have CPTSD, cyclothymia, and there’s a possibility I have a personality disorder too. I’ve struggled with my mental health for a long time, and this week it all just hit me at once—physically and emotionally. It’s been like a full-on breakdown. I’m trying really hard to break old patterns (I’ve quit jobs in the past when this has happened), and I don’t want to quit this time. But I feel so ashamed and anxious about being off sick so soon.

I’ve contacted Access to Work and spoken to the doctor—I’m trying to do the right things and get support in place. But I don’t know what to say to my manager. I’ve kept my messages vague so far but they are aware of my conditions, just said I’ve been unwell. Part of me wants to explain and be honest about what’s going on… but another part of me thinks maybe I’ve already blown it, and I should just hand in my notice and avoid the embarrassment.

Has anyone been through something similar? Should I just message and explain that I’m having a flare and some mental health struggles, that I’m seeking help and really want to come back? Or is that too much? I’m terrified of seeming unstable or unreliable, but I also don’t want to keep running every time things get hard.

Any advice would really help. I just feel like a mess right now and I don’t want to give up on this job.

I’m hoping to go back tomorrow, I have a doctor’s appointment today and we’re discussing medication for pain management, migraines and insomnia and possibly a referral to CMHT and what medication they can prescribe.

I will message my manager and explain what’s going on and I’ll go back tomorrow, just to prove to myself I can and if I don’t pass probation then I don’t but at least I can say I tried.

Thank you for the nicer replies.

Please don't hand in your notice.

Do as in your OP and state you have a flare up and you are struggling and have accessed support.

Do you have any idea how long you will be off?

Your manager may be supportive. Please give them a chance.

Access to Work have a separate mental health bit. Have you accessed them?

Cross posts. Glad you are aiming to try again tomorrow. Good luck.

As a line manager, including of someone who has a chronic condition and semi regular flare ups, I would suggest:

• contact your line manager and explain what’s happening (I assume you have disclosed your condition already)
• work together with OH or HR to put in place reasonable adjustments that will support you being in the workplace long term
• express how keen you are to find a solution that works
• make sure you are on it/ doing your job as best you can when at work

My team member has had multiple days off/ appointments this year but she gets the job done/ is a valued employee.

Don’t resign, and yes I think honesty is usually the best policy so talk to your manager and explain and tell them that you really want to come back as soon as you’re able to

You canseof certify up to five days then need a fitnote. I don’t think suggesting noone needs to cover your work is helpful though. Clearly there is a job for someone to do and you are not there to do it. It is probably more important at this stage to follow the absence policy to the letter and communicate with the manager. A2W can only propose to put support in place and if that comes at a cost to employer they may not agree.

This.

Don't go into too much detail but emphasise that you have really clicked with the role and very much want to stay, but you have a long term health condition which is going to need some flexibility as a reasonable adjustment to enable you to work. Did you disclose the health condition during the recruitment process? They aren't allowed to discriminate against you for it but you do need to be honest about your capacity and if you don't have capacity to fulfill the job requirements then it's not discriminatory for them to let you go.

You need to think carefully about how frequent and how long these flare-ups usually are, and think about how you can reasonably structure your work time to maintain your health and maximise your value to your employer. Would working shorter days when you are well reduce the likelihood of flare-ups? If you had a flex-day arrangement where your contract is for 4 days per week on average, but you actually work 5 days when you can and "bank" the spare day to take a week or two off when you have a flare-up, would that work? Think about it from a professional viewpoint and what adjustments wouldn't cause problems or unreasonable expense for the employer.

Although there shouldn't be a stigma, I wouldn't advise mentioning the MH/Personality Disorder aspects at this stage. Keep it about the physical illness.

Please don't hand in your notice.
You have a flare which happens.
Hopefully,it will GP in time. Get your GP to provide pain relief.contact your Consultant too.
Good luck,

Oh op 🥺

I know what a struggle mental health can be. Don't hand in your notice, and ignore the harsher comments - it's a positive that they know about your conditions! At a call centre, it's a more casual environment so don't write it off yet, they may be used to people needing time off due to their disabilities

Don't panic - either they'll let you go or they won't - you will be okay either way. But it sounds like a good place, so you might be just fine xx

I think my work would probably extend the probation on the grounds the absence means you haven’t had enough time to fully assess your suitability for the role. They are a good employer with strong focus on MH support.

my previous employer would have ended your employment.

if your employer isl like my previous one then it’s just not the company for you! There are great employers out there

And unless your employer were careful they'd probably be committing disability discrimination.

It’s seven days before you need a fit note which I’m hoping I won’t need and I didn’t mean no one needs to cover me as obviously the work needs doing and there’s more work if I’m not there but what I meant was no one directly needs to cover me like it’s not a job where you work on projects and someone needs to do it instead - I’m doing my bit to try and stay in work, if they don’t want to cover that, it’s fine as I’ll probably get support elsewhere but I’m just exploring all my options.

OP try and persist and be honest with them. Don’t let your PD traits ruin your chances. Eg impulsive decisions, black and white thinking, self-sabotage. Take a deep breath and fight your natural impulses. You can do this!

Are you having any therapy? I feel like it would be useful for you to have some kind of therapist to unload on and reflect on your decision-making each week as you start this new phase of life. Good luck!

Go back and explain. Don’t give up. Just start thinking about what self employed roles you could do just in case probation doesn’t go your way.

I am self employed and I dictate my hours and I explain to clients I am flexible and I expect some flexibility from them too. I always plan my work early morning as this is when I am at my best.

I do have passive income (not benefits) and a DH who also has passive income (not benefits) so we know we can manage if my self employed hours are down week to week or if I take a couple of months off.

I live with a chronic health condition.

Best of luck for tomorrow OP. Really
hoping it will all work out for you

I was just thinking exactly the same thing when I read the first few replies OP. I'd be fascinated to know if the people on here saying this won't go well are among those baying 'just get a job' at people with long-term conditions recently on other threads. It's good to see later posts are kinder in tone. You're obviously trying really hard to make this work OP, I hope it all goes OK.

This. 💯

There are supportive workplaces out there OP. It's seems in your position there is nothing to lose by being open and honest. But unless they know the issues they can't put support in place. I would like to think you'll get support and an extended probation to see if it works for both of you. Good luck

And just to add, if they're not supportive then you probably don't want to work for them anyway! But let that come from them. As you've said, at least you'll know that you've tried.

I was off sick week 2 of a new job - I got tonsillitis and couldn’t work as no voice
They just extended my probation a bit

If no one needs to cover for you, then how is there a job? Surely there’s work that needs doing?
I'm sorry to hear you’re feeling so crap but in all honesty I’m not sure how viable working for an employer is going to be. Could you look into working for yourself where you can be more flexible with hours / days etc?

With a contact centre you just do what you can if people are off sick, there isn’t a pool of people to cover

I’ve worked for law firms and their behavior towards sickness, particularly around my mental health, was disgraceful. You’d think law firms would know better but clearly not.

Hi OP. Sorry you are having a rubbish time at the moment. Based on my personal experience I would be reluctant to be open and honest about the mental health issues. I’m sorry to say that. I know how wrong it is.

if you don’t need the money, could you take some time off to concentrate on fully recovering? Or hopefully you’ll feel stronger after a week off x

Did you declare your disability when you applied? If so then they should help you rather than kicking you out. If not then please declare it next time

I told them afterwards - we received an onboarding form which asked about conditions and reasonable adjustment so I mentioned it on there.