Hi everyone, I’d love some advice please.
We recently (4 months ago) moved back to my hometown to be closer to family. The plan made sense—more space as we could
afford a bigger house here and family support nearby (including help with childcare). But now that we’re here, I can’t shake the feeling that we might have made the wrong decision.
The place we moved from was much more cosmopolitan, and we lived in a lovely village with a really nurturing school and a great sense of community. I also made some lovely mum friends at the old school who were such a support to me, and I’m really missing them.
My 7-year-old has moved in Y2 and has settled a bit better than I expected at her new school, but I can’t see who she will be really good friends with yet. A lot of the girls in her class don’t seem to share her interests, and many of them are quite sassy, while she’s a much gentler, more sensitive child. This worries me because friendships were such a big part of what made her old school feel so special. I can’t help but feel she’s getting on with it at school because we made the decision to move.
I’m also struggling with the overall environment of the school—it doesn’t feel as nurturing as her old one, and some of the children seem a lot rougher than what she was used to. There weren’t spaces in other schools when we moved, and I’m not sure if they’d be any different anyway. My youngest is 2 and she’s too young to notice much change, so that’s less of a concern.
For me, the biggest struggle is that I don’t feel like myself here. I miss where we used to live more than I expected, especially my mum friends, the school community and diversity. I feel a bit limited here, and while I know we haven’t been here long, I can’t tell if this is just a natural adjustment period or if this move will never really feel right.
On top of that, my commute has now doubled—from 1 hour to 2 hours each way—on the two days a week I go into the office. We thought this would be manageable since I wouldn’t be working there forever, but I’m actually really enjoying my job, and there’s a chance for progression, which makes it feel like more of a sacrifice.
My parents and sisters are lovely, and it is nice to be close to them. But I got so used to being independent, and moving away from my hometown was a big part of that, and where I found my confidence and felt like I really grew as a person. Now that I’m back (after 20 years), I almost feel like I’ve gone backwards in time. I don’t know if that feeling will pass or if it’s a sign that this isn’t the right place for us long-term. Would I be crazy to move away again, even though family support is such a big benefit? We can manage without childcare but it’s nice to have.
My husband is more neutral—he’s not unhappy here, but he wasn’t as attached to our old home as I was. He’s taking the “let’s give it time” approach, which I do understand. I’m not rushing to make any big decisions, but I also don’t want to ignore my gut feeling if it’s trying to tell me something. I cry most days at the moment and feel so conflicted.
For those who have moved and struggled to settle, how did you know whether to stick it out or accept it wasn’t right? How long did it take before you felt at home—or did you eventually decide to move again? Have you moved away from family even though you have a good relationship with them?