My grandparents want to include me in their will. My mother is furious.

[Mammym2807]

My grandparents want to include me into their will, I am 34 with children. My mother who is in her 60's is furious and is demanding all the money go to her.

Is this normal? Should I tell my grandparents to not include me to salvage the family dynamic?

Nobody should tell anyone else what to do with their money. They can leave it to anyone.

My DM has said that she’s leaving everything to my DS because she considers DH and I as older parents are already well set financially as we’ve paid off our mortgage before having our DS.

My only issue with that is my DS is likely to still be a child when he inherits and the amount is large. I don’t really want him to have a such a sum as a teenager as that may not end well for him. I’ve urged her to try and structure it in such a way that he doesn’t just have a huge pile of cash immediately.

The issue is exacerbated further by the wider family structure which means that DS will get multiple inheritances in childhood or relatively early adulthood. It’s a quirk of our family structure that he’ll be ridiculously wealthy, far more so than anyone he inherits from including his parents. I just hope he grows up into a sensible level headed young man and can handle it all with no adverse impact.

My mum has 4 children. We all have houses. Some of us are better off than others so she spoke about maybe leaving 2 of her grown up children money and the better off children having what would be their share of the money left to the grand children. She has decided to leave it to her grown up children and they can decide whether to give it to their children or not. There may end up being nothing anyway if she needs it for care. If I was left any I would probably pay off some bills then share the rest with my children anyway so it’s odd that your parent is making a fuss about it. If my children inherited money I would be glad for them.

its your grandparents choice who they leave it to. They should say they don’t want to speak about it any more and they will leave it to charity if it’s discussed again and then leave it to charity/ you/ whoever they want.

'Should I tell my grandparents to not include me to salvage the family dynamic?'

NO.

It is your grandparents monies & it is to with it what they will (!).

Perhaps they are fully aware of your mother's highly ramped expectations & have the common sense to work round her to make sure that you benefit from their generosity & goodwill.

At no point are you to compromise your best interests to offset your mother's indignation.

Just ask (very nicely) that your grandparents use an experienced solicitor to draft their will to their wishes so that there is no ambiguity that your mother (& others) may exploit.

How odd. Surely lots of grandparents leave something to their grandchildren if they can afford it? It’s not like they’re cutting your mum out of the will and giving the whole lot to you.
My two siblings and I got £5000 each when my gran passed away and the bulk of the estate went to my mum, her only child. It seemed perfectly natural and I can’t imagine either of my parents kicking off over it. Is your mum “difficult” in other ways? I suspect she might be!

Your grandparents can (a) do what they want with their money and (b) not tell anyone what they have decided. In this situation, I would advise them to do that, but to include a letter of wishes with the will, to explain to your mother why they made the choices they did.

I would contact her solicitor and tell them she's being put under pressure. I would tell her that you want to have a chat with him to have an idea of what you're talking about. Then after talking to him you could say he has advised that she shouldn't discuss it with either you or your mum if it's making her distressed.

I suspect I've read your 'AIBU question' differently from some other voters.

I read "AIBU .... {to} tell my grandparents to not include me to salvage the family dynamic?"

It think YWBU to do this, but most people seem to have voted the opposite way which doesn't match with the comments at all.

I agree with those saying that the best advice is to persuade your Grandparents to get some independent advice and sew up the will very tightly (whatever they decide).

Your Mum pressurising them is not a good look.
But it needs to be clear that you haven't given the impression of pressurising them either.

Your dgp can do as they please with their own money and they don't have to tell anyone what they've put in their will. People will find out after they have died.