My grandparents want to include me in their will. My mother is furious.

[Mammym2807]

My grandparents want to include me into their will, I am 34 with children. My mother who is in her 60's is furious and is demanding all the money go to her.

Is this normal? Should I tell my grandparents to not include me to salvage the family dynamic?

My parents are leaving everything to their grandchildren, and nothing to my sister and I. They say this is to avoid two lots of inheritance tax. I see the logic, and I’m glad my kids and my sisters kids will have a financial leg up. I am a bit hurt but wouldn’t dream of commenting or interfering. Your mother has no right to make a fuss.

Are you saying they ask for advice about their wills? I think that maybe you should explain to them that this might mean that the wills could be contested on the grounds that you influenced them. I don't think you should express any opinion and not discuss it with your mother either.

It's your grandparents money, so your mum has no right to give them grief about their choices.

I would suggest to them that she is not the executor of their will, though. Or at least not the sole executor. I doubt that she can be trusted (though I wouldn't put it that way). As I'm discovering, being an executor can be a total, stressful nightmare, so if they're determined to have her, put it that they should have a second executor outside the family to 'help ' her.

Let them sort it. Your mum is the one being unreasonable, she’s not entitled to their money. They can very well choose what to do with it.

70/30 in whose favour?

It is nothing to do with her.

I think you need to keep repeating this, ad nausem. To your grandparents and your mother.
It's absolutely their right to leave something to you if they wish to.
Make sure you remember how compus mentus they are right now, as your mother could well try to contest the will down the line and say that they were incapable and/or that you coerced them. Have your ducks lined up and cover your own back.

Let your grandparents do what they want. Suggest your mum isn't executor and they use a solicitor as executor.

Mine did this and the in-laws. Fortunately all their DGC's were adults by that stage and means would not attract inheritance tax for us and siblings.

TBH, I would tell them they need independent financial and legal advice

Every contact with you will simply fuel your mother's paranoia that you're influencing them

DHs family has a simple formula... 1/3rd to each child, then the remaining third split between the grandchildren.

Eta... they neatly seem to always have two children!

A woman who tries to control her own parents and would argue to get everything and for her own adult child and grandchildren to get nothing doesn't deserve a penny. If I was your GPs I'd be cutting her out of the will completely, she sounds nasty and self-centred.

I would tell your grandparents to get independent financial advice. That way you cannot be blamed by your Mother for any decisions your grandparents make. It is their money and she has no right to tell them what to do with it. It is also normal for grandparents to consider their grandchildren in their will too. It isn't like you are some random stranger to them.

If you give a young person a lump of capital, to help them buy a modest home, they will pay a lot less mortgage interest over their lifetime. This allows them to save more of their own wages. This in turn will enable them to get things cheaper by e.g. not having to take out consumer credit for big purchases like cars and electricals, because they have enough saved to buy outright.
They might then have enough in savings to help fund their own children through university and give them a deposit to get started.... so their children pay less interest during their lifetime.. and so on.
Provided you are sensible with any inheritance and use it to help 'future-you' rather than increasing your discretionary spending, your grandparents are almost certainly making best-use of their assets by sending them where they can do the most long-term good.
Also leaving it to grandchildren means it goes through fewer rounds of inheritance tax, so more of it stays in the family, if there's enough of it to make IHT an issue.

I hope this gets resolved, and the only way is to step out of it and leave them to it, despite the emotional blackmail they are putting on you by looking for advice.

On another note, I always fail to understand why anyone would tell anyone what's in their will! Am I alone in thinking this?

Even the executor doesn't need to know the terms, the witnesses don't need to see the full will, just sign on the dotted line in the presence of the testator.

Why do people do this and tell the terms. Better to do whatever you want and let the fallout happen after you're gone.

I think you’re right not to get involved. Your mother likely a much more complex relationship with them by virtue of being their daughter. Who knows what her reasoning is. Steer clear

I can see your mums point of view if I’m honest, she would be close to retiring I imagine and inheritance should go down each generation, and then when your mum dies her house:assets then go to you. Including grandchildren partially skips a generation, unless your mum leaves some to your children and not just you.

Tell your mother and grandparents

it not my choices, it’s up to them/you what you do - just don’t tell me please

• don’t get involved

70 to her /30 to me. She is already retired (early through choice) and has had huge help towards any o/s mortgage (as have I). I'm going to take the advice to stay out of it completely as we have a good relationship and she's a brilliant grandma to my children. It would be such a shame for money to ruin our family

Yeah 70% and she’s unhappy? That’s rubbish. She could like another 30 years. Your GP clearly want to make your life easier before you are old. It’s how you could need it more.

Is there a back story?

your mum must be very hurt that her parents have cut her out of their Will. That doesn't sound like a normal situation between loving parents and their child.

Just keep telling them that it’s their choice who they leave money to

They haven’t cut the mum out of the will read the full thread, they are wanting to share it.

OP, id tell them to do what they want to do and not to feel pressured by anyone’s opinions.

They haven't cut her out of their will. She gets 70% of their estate!

That’s all you can say. They are presumably very old and possibly not thinking straight. Maybe they could get advice from an impartial friend?