Would this comment heard in a nursery concern you

[Eva98]

If a child was not behaving very well at dinner time, throwing their fork and the response from staff member was ‘throw that at me one more time’. I’m not a nice tone. It sounded to me like a threat

You heard it yourself?

Yes it absolutely would. I unfortunately live in an area that has, sadly, had its fair share of horrendous things happening to children at nurseries so maybe I’m on high alert. However I wouldn’t be happy with any kind of threatening tone from a nursery worker. Although undoubtedly they have a difficult job, threatening children you’re looking after is not acceptable!
I would suggest if they’re that bothered by a child throwing a fork they should not be in that line of work.

It would concern me but I don’t think it’s uncommon unfortunately.

Yes it would concern me.

Also, kids can be quite literal and could take ‘throw that at me one more time’ as an instruction.

That is awful.

Model the behaviour to children that you want them to repeat.

Always remember that children are not mini adults.

Patience and kindness first.

No, unless there were previous concerns it wouldn’t. Children need to be taught what is acceptable. For all you know, it might have been going to end as "Throw that at me one more time and I’ll have to take your fork away and feed you like a baby", or "Throw that at me one more time and you’ll have to go and sit on the thinking chair on your own for a few minutes while the other children who are eating nicely have their lunch", which would both be fine by me if it was my child.

How many times do you think it’s appropriate to have a fork thrown at you by a toddler?
Little ones these days have absolutely no manners or boundaries, because of idiots refusing to tell them off when they do something wrong. Throwing a fork is wrong.
The toddler needs telling

No it wouldn't concern me. If my toddler was throwing cutlery at staff then I'd want them to tell them off. "Throw that at me one more time...." and what? "I'll take the fork off you"? I doubt the members of staff was going to finish the sentence off with "and I'll kick your arse".

No but a professional would have finished the sentence.

She's not stupid, she'll know the child's imagination may be working overtime without her saying exactly what she means.

Yes, absolutely.

my kids are now older than nursery age and still wouldn’t fully understand this. They would take it as an instruction and be confused.

what a horrible way to speak, I would have to say something.

To be honest, my toddler wouldn't think too deeply about what the rest of the sentence may or may not be, she'd simply know she was in trouble and hopefully stop. Then focus on the next thing that she's concentrating on.

Well I mean throwing a fork at someone is pretty awful behaviour, I'd be more worried about nearby adults and children getting hurt by a flying fork tbh.

It depends. If you overheard 'if you throw that at me one more time' but didn't hear the remainder 'your mealtime will be finished' then it could perhaps be appropriate. But if that's all that was said, that sounds like a threat. As in don't you dare throw that at me one more time or you won't like the consequences. That's really not acceptable for a childcare worker to be taking out frustration and anger on a child. It isn't a helpful way to manage difficult, age appropriate behaviours.

In what context did you hear this? It's impossible really to advise without knowing. Are you another member of staff? A parent that walked by? Someone else?

That said on its own is not appropriate at all. It does sound like a threat.

“Throw that one more time and I will have to remove” etc would not be so bad if said in a calm tone.

It sounds like the staff member was getting frustrated at having a fork thrown at them. They should still respond appropriately though and should be supported by other staff to manage it effectively if they are not able to.

I am not excusing the behaviour whatsoever but it is very very hard working with children’s behaviours these days. Staff are overworked and underpaid and are frequently left to deal with increasingly difficult children without proper training and support.

But she didn't say it to your toddler.

She was unprofessional not to explain what the consequence would be.

Definitely not on

Yes. That would absolutely concern me and needs reporting. Poor little child.

It wouldn't particularly bother me, and if it was my child I would mainly be horrified that they would throw a fork at someone. It's possible that the staff member had already encountered the fork throwing by the same child during the same meal and already explained what would happen. It's not the best way to phrase it of course, but some children exhibit extremely challenging behaviour and perhaps they were just really stressed,

It would worry me yes, first of all as it's threatening but they're not exactly going to follow through with any threats while at work and second of all, it's confusing - toddlers don't understand sarcasm and 'I dare you' so they might take it literally.
No throwing, keep our forks in hands or on the table /taking fork off child

Me too so I'd take it off the child rather than issuing a weird threat that they're probably too young to understand

Staff member was irritable at having cutlery thrown.

Not ideal language but no it wouldn't concern me.

What happened next?

Throw that at me one more time and I’ll take it away as you clearly don’t want it strikes me as a perfectly reasonable comment.

Well quite. They’re human, not Mary Poppins. Welcome to the reality of nurseries

I find nothing wrong with that wording. It would not concern me in the slightest.

Yes, I worked in nurseries for years.

We would have finished the sentence with saying the fork would be taken away or they would need to leave the table for 5 mins to go and sit in the calm area.

It is absolutely unprofessional to not finish the sentence and leave the poor child wondering what will happen. You also never know whether other children around have come from abusive homes etc.