To wonder if ND child should get homework

[Wildworldandteacakes]

My child is 8 years old (year 3). We have always had great difficulty completing homework, but we have managed 'just', with alot of stress, and parental support. No child wants to homework, I can deal with the usual moaning and reluctance. My other child is NT, and does homework without issue, usual parenting methods will work eg. stickers and rewards. Even this isn't usually needed though.

For my ND child, it is honestly off the scale and not laziness, or a 'just cannot be bothered attitude.' I feel homework is having absolutely no benefit other than affecting dc's mental health, and causing him mental overload. After his school day he is too overwhelmed, on weekends we would need to keep him in for the full 2 days, and even then, it would he difficult for him to do it without becoming distressed. If we have been out absolutely anywhere on the weekend, homework is pretty much impossible because it is again mental overload. I have tried every trick in the book from being stricter, softer, and inbetween. I've tried to make it fun and to feel less like school, while "we" do it, no demands or springing it on him out of the blue etc. He knows he gets a week to do it, and I give him gentle reminders that it is there for when he feel up to doing it. I have extensively researched and taken every piece of advice. I'm honestly at a loss at this point.

Academically he is where he should be be in most areas, ahead in some, slightly behind in one (because he isn't interested, and cannot give it his full attention, no matter how he tries). When he is interested, he can focus for ages down to the finer details, obsessively so.

I'm looking for those who have experience with ND children completing homework. Do they have to it, or can the school make reasonable adjustments eg. adapting the homework style for the child. I had a word with his class teacher at parents evening whose response was: "They all have to do it, my kids have to do it, try getting him to do it on a Saturday so he is less overloaded, off the next day, split it up etc. I am at a loss of what to do here. We have already tried all of this.

Watching my child have a melt down, hitting himself in the face because he has do this homework, and feels he cannot do it is heartbreaking. He has autism, adhd, and what we think is a type of pathological demand avoidance (awaiting diagnosis next week) but it looks pretty concrete from what we have been told.

My children went to schools where non completion of homework was punished from year 3 onwards. Punishment was doing it during lunchtime homework club (after eating )

If you decide to stop doing homework then make sure he’s not being punished at school or you’ll end up with school refusal next.

My nd child is now an adult and really struggled with homework, I approached the teacher and the homework was altered to a manageable level, the school were great about it, speak to the school.

ex teacher.

schools can make reasonable adjustments.

this can include anything up to and including no homework at all.

at early primary most homework is reading and times tables or basic maths and there are obvious benefits from reading everyday so most parents do try very hard to make sure that happens.

into upper primary the relevance of homework varies. Some schools do big projects (make a castle type stuff) which doesn’t feed into academic achievement in a simple way.

others ask for regular reading and a maths sheet.

what is the homework? Is it obviously linked to reading/timestables/maths sheet? If so then I’d probably persevere.

if it’s research and write about the Anglio Saxons then less so.

Yes, dh and I are thinking that we should get the official diagnosises then have a meeting with the school SENCO. Class teacher is absolutely lovely, but hasn't been any help with this area unfortunately. I know they're really overworked. The school have other interventions in place for ds to help eg visual timetables, quiet place etc, but. nothing with homework. He masks a lot at school, then it all pours out when he comes home. Home is his safe place, where he can relax and he associates homework with school.

I think maybe Senco is the route to go down, just to get some support.

Thank you for your response. So, he is academically ahead in reading and spelling. Reading isn't an issue for him because he will choose factual books that he is interested in. Ds's hand writing is poor because he rushes, he is capable of neater handwriting when he devotes attention to this (although cannot join up as the school are insisting he does). Ds finds writing pointless and prefers to type, therefore he cannot focus on writing for long, and will rush it. Ds is a very good typer for his age, and can spell long words freestyle.
One of the sections of the homework he doesn't want to do is handwriting words out over and over again. It is a task where he is given a list of words, then has to cover them up and then spell it and write it out a few times in a row.
The other area he dislikes is maths; he finds it pointless because says everybody has calculators etc etc. Ds's mind gets over loaded with numbers, no matter how we break it down for him; he refuse to be shown. He doesn't mind SPAG, but prefers to write his own sentences, and hates when they have a set sentence that he has to put the pronoun in for example. He gets stressed about this.

I honestly think ds suits a more creative freestyle kind of work. For example if I said type a project about the Egyptians I think he would love it. He has a passion for science, history, and coding. There was an AI app recently from school where he scanned a QR code, and it led to an AI educational app that allowed him ask questions about a particular area. The app replied with the information, amd then he would ask another question etc. It was a sort of fact finding mission.

ND parent.

It's such a broad spectrum I don't think you can generalise ND / NT, my ND child LOVES homework far more than my NT child. That said, you can ask school to make reasonable adjustments for your child.

In terms of your latest post about project work, I think it's a fine line. Obviously a trait of ND can be a propensity to a particular interest which can be detrimental to other aspects of school life - and actually, to get past the tricky bit of school, you have to do stuff you don't want to do. That's just life. That said, handwriting IS completely pointless to the point where our school no longer make you write out the spellings, it's all online. The old "handwriting test" isn't on the KS2 assessment anymore.

I'd be asking the teacher if you could do the spellings online using spelling frame or whatever and then handwriting through extended project work.

Edited to say maths would be non negotiable. But my ND would be ok with the trade. You do maths this way, spellings we'll be more flexible on etc.

Thank you so much. Yes, exactly. Honestly, the writing spellings out multiple times task seems like archaic 'rote learning' to me. I will ask, but they are just so focused on handwriting, and joining up.
It is good to know that some ND children are fine with homework; and of course, my mind is fried at the moment, apologies. I honestly think it depends on the kind of homework it is for ds, even then though, school overwhelms him to breaking point, and homework tips him over the edge.
I have told ds that everyone has to do things in life they don't want to do, even when they find it pointless. It just doesn't work with him. Maths timetables he gets really distressed about; he cannot concentrate on it. Other than holding him at gun point how do I make this negotiable? I'm wondering maybe if once I get the formal diagnosises that they will help with this area? I'm not sure if they'll suggest meds, but it is looking that way.

have you looked into specialist schools for your DS?
Unfortunately homework is part and parcel of a mainstream school but special schools might be a better environment for DS

I wonder if your ds is dyspraxic as well OP? Mine also has ASD had terrible handwriting and hated writing and it turned out he was dyspraxic. Forcing cursive on DS was a terrible idea that made his writing far messier, better if he had just been allowed to join up the letters that naturally join. DS is working as a software engineer now and does everything on a laptop no writing required - much too much time is wasted on having perfect handwriting in primary school IMO.

If DS struggles with maths beyond not liking it then it may be worth considering dyscalculia as well, it's not unusual to have more than one ND diagnosis.

You son sounds so much like mine though! Mine hated homework too, schoolwork should be done at school in his mind and he would see things as 'pointless' too. I would just do homework in a way that works for him, no one can be forced to do homework and it is not worth making all your lives miserable for. I would let him write his own sentences with the spellings or whatever in. Making up his own sentences is more worthwhile anyway.

I would 100% do the homework in a way that suits him. Then write at the bottom, 'ds decided to write his own really cool sentences using the words that were sent home' or something similar.

I don't know. Academically he is where he should be, and very bright. He is very sensible and well behaved at school, following the rules to the letter. He masks a lot, hates a lot of noise etc. I don't think it would be the answer for him. I believe just a few reasonable adjustments are needed.

My autistic child doesn’t do homework. He’s in Y7 and it all got too much for him. His school are fine with it and said it’s more important he feels comfortable coming into school (he also has poor attendance). We are planning after Easter to try and introduce English homework only.

ND parent here who found homework at primary a massive issue. School absolutely should be able to offer adjustments. In your case, your DS won't love this, but I'd say that in any area where he's meeting expectations or is ahead, that homework should be de-prioritised on the basis that it's not necessary and adds undue stress.

For us, getting him to start was a nightmare, but once he was doing it, he woul djust sit until he did it. So I'd aim for a time when we had time and things weren't too stressful, and I'd accept it would take us 45 minutes to even get started... so usually I'd be doing something else that was low concentration. eg I'd suggest that he got his homework out and I'd be feeding the dog. Then I'd come in and ask again, or get him moving again. Go off and turn the oven on, get ingredients out. Come back. etc etc. Until he was actually DOING it, then I'd sit down and do it with him.

A friend has a tutor who spends some of the time with her child doing homework.

At secondary, homework club can be helpful - just FYI for when you get there. We don't have that at primary but DD (admittedly NT) quite often does her homework with a buddy at AFC and I have often wondered if it would have been helpful to send DS to AFC once a week and suggested he did it then.

Talk to the school about what opportunities there may be in the classroom to do homework. This can be a bit hit and miss, but DS's teacher would sometimes let him work on it during the school day. But I can't remember how that worked.

He doesn't need a special school OP, homework doesn't have to be part and parcel of any school as there is no obligation for them to set it and some don't.
Research has found that primary aged children get little benefit from it. Getting them practising their reading is vital IMO, beyond that most of it is a waste of time.

Thank you, that is helpful to know. That is how I feel too. Ds has 100% attendance this school year, by some miracle, which has been a huge effort. We are very fortunate he hasn't had any illness severe enough to stay off school, and have managed to get him into school. He was very poorly last school year, and I honestly think he had everything going then. He'll now follow his visual timetable, and will brush his teeth and put his trousers on. I have to do the rest, including shoes etc and basically make his school morning as slow and relaxing as possible, because he is already heavily preoccupied on going to school. I try my best to ensure he goes to school in as good a mood as possible. Ds feels the days are so long, and won't participate in after school clubs, but will do some at lunchtime. Just the fact he is at school to me is great, homework is just a nightmare.

I think you need a proper meeting with the teacher where there's more time to discuss, not parent's evening. Possibly with SENCo as well.

If he already has the Autism and ADHD diagnoses then it makes sense to go ahead with the meeting - are the school already aware, and does he have an EHCP?

Approach it less as "I don't think you should give him homework" and more like "We all want the best for DS; this is what I'm seeing at home, and I'm questioning the trade off of whether it is helping or hindering right now."

Thank you, I read that as well. The school have told us it is to prepare them for secondary school. However I believe it is causing nothing but distress to ds, he isn't learning a thing from it. The kind of homework in secondary school I believe he would prefer anyway. He also is just in the process of getting his diagnosises, and we're just figuring it all out. I feel there needs to be time to equip ds with the tools he needs to deal better with school life, nevermind homework, before he is expected to just dive in, when he isn't able to do so.

That is a really useful way of phrasing it @BertieBotts
We get all of the formal diagnosises next week, but he has already been fully assessed, school were contacted two years ago and advised by an assessor who came into school to observe and work with ds, to make some changes. We were then referred on to CYPS initially for autism, but from what their assessment, and from what school have written, they think that he has ADHD too. Our diagnosises are being given by a CYPS community practitioner, and also a Consultant child and adolescent psychiatrist. We have to take ds and it'll take one hour. We will then have the official titles.
School have a EHCP in place, he has a visual time table, headphones, quiet places to go, and a once a week intervention etc.

My DS doesn't have to do homework (secondary school). To them school is school and home is home.

In the last few years they've stayed later to do homework at school. But there's no punishment for what they don't do.

OK, that sounds good. I expect it will take more than a week to arrange a meeting with everyone at school so it would make sense to contact them and try to find a date in order to discuss the info you get next week.

I am less clear exactly how EHCP works because I am not in the UK but perhaps the homework point could be added onto it.

Is he planning to do GCSEs and/or A-Levels (or rather, if he's interested in particular jobs, do they require a degree)? There will be times in his education and working life where he has to do tedious tasks; you might be able to negotiate on amount of homework but later down the line he will need to find his way of getting through those tasks (e.g. would music or white noise stop him getting distracted, or could he do it in 30 mins bursts with a 10 min fun break).

I made the decision not to make DS do homework when he was younger for similar reasons. I could see he was far, far too drained and worn out for it. I figured I'd prefer he was rested for actual school.

Instead we had our own little research projects depending on what took our fancy at the time. We spent ages learning about morse code for example.

The thing is if he is 8 then he has 2-3 years until he will be at secondary. Getting him all stressed out about homework now is unlikely to help.

But he will also be older then.

Thank you. This sounds so similar to how ds thinks. He says he shouldn't have to be at school at home. It is black and white to ds; he is unable to see the grey. I am at the point where we have tried and tried; there isn't a technique out there that we have not tried. Every weekend he is in tears, and how is any of it helping. It is only growing resentment on his part against school. I am so proud of him, I have never seen a child try harder.
After the diagnosis/s, I am hoping school will take it a way, or at the very least let him do it in a different way.