To wonder if ND child should get homework

[Wildworldandteacakes]

My child is 8 years old (year 3). We have always had great difficulty completing homework, but we have managed 'just', with alot of stress, and parental support. No child wants to homework, I can deal with the usual moaning and reluctance. My other child is NT, and does homework without issue, usual parenting methods will work eg. stickers and rewards. Even this isn't usually needed though.

For my ND child, it is honestly off the scale and not laziness, or a 'just cannot be bothered attitude.' I feel homework is having absolutely no benefit other than affecting dc's mental health, and causing him mental overload. After his school day he is too overwhelmed, on weekends we would need to keep him in for the full 2 days, and even then, it would he difficult for him to do it without becoming distressed. If we have been out absolutely anywhere on the weekend, homework is pretty much impossible because it is again mental overload. I have tried every trick in the book from being stricter, softer, and inbetween. I've tried to make it fun and to feel less like school, while "we" do it, no demands or springing it on him out of the blue etc. He knows he gets a week to do it, and I give him gentle reminders that it is there for when he feel up to doing it. I have extensively researched and taken every piece of advice. I'm honestly at a loss at this point.

Academically he is where he should be be in most areas, ahead in some, slightly behind in one (because he isn't interested, and cannot give it his full attention, no matter how he tries). When he is interested, he can focus for ages down to the finer details, obsessively so.

I'm looking for those who have experience with ND children completing homework. Do they have to it, or can the school make reasonable adjustments eg. adapting the homework style for the child. I had a word with his class teacher at parents evening whose response was: "They all have to do it, my kids have to do it, try getting him to do it on a Saturday so he is less overloaded, off the next day, split it up etc. I am at a loss of what to do here. We have already tried all of this.

Watching my child have a melt down, hitting himself in the face because he has do this homework, and feels he cannot do it is heartbreaking. He has autism, adhd, and what we think is a type of pathological demand avoidance (awaiting diagnosis next week) but it looks pretty concrete from what we have been told.

We generally did what we could and what we thought added the most value then ignored it. He was in a special class in mainstream so didn't have to explain and no punishment.

In high school it was similar and once he took gcse options we dropped a class and that free period twice a week was used for homework in school which he accepted much better.

Ultimately homework is for his benefit. Whether you do it is a tradeoff between stress and learning. If he doesn't do it he probably won't do as well in school as he would have, but he may also have better mental health. It's a balancing act.

My Y9 has some accommodations and doesn't do homework for all subjects so it's definitely possible. I've been lucky that all my children's schools understand the importance of their wellbeing as well as the academics and they have all had extra support and accommodations for SEN as needed. I'd suggest a meeting with the SENCO and explaining in detail the impact of homework on his wellbeing and on family life.

My DD11 has severe dyslexia along with autism. We do homework but often will do what we can for 20/30 mins then we'll stop. It can take her 2-3 times as long to complete, usually induces a meltdown and often it won't actually help (e.g. spellings just don't go in). Her self esteem is poor and it's a fine line to tread. Also find other ways of achieving the goal that work for her e.g. playdoh for spellings, or computer, or using visuals for maths.

Lots of difficulties to unpick that school don’t seem to understand. There’s a reason it’s known as a “ hidden disability”
In Y1 I remember our daughter ( ASD diagnosis and what was then a Statement) had up to 15 sheets of homework a week from her mainstream Primary. This caused her and the family a great deal of stress. She was exceptionally bright but lots of sensory overload ( SPD diagnosis too) She hated making any mistakes. I spoke to school and expectations were reduced.

In my professional career I have seen so many pupils who were like a coiled spring after school and as others have said “ school is school home is home.” They can compartmentalise.

He shouldn’t be made to use cursive script as this is notoriously difficult for those with fine manipulative difficulties. There should be increased use of typing or other methods of recording. Writing Wizard can be used for spellings and letter formations ( on a tablet)

I’d certainly meet with the SENCO to ask what adjustments can be put in place. He really needs his down time at home.
The NAS guidelines may help school.

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/education/homework/teachers

Spicy household here, children with ASD / AuDHD. Homework is a huge stressor, a lovely OT explained how they regard home as their place of relaxation. Both doing well academically (although one currently out of school), super bright and curious - did not impact SATs or ability to learn. Life can be so challenging for them, it was an easy stressor to remove - and schools in full support.

Homework is such nonsense, I genuinely believe the sheer volume of it means students don’t have time for focussed independent study in the evenings.
If you can I’d just help your DS out, don’t let it bleed into the weekends.

My DC (Y5, AuDHD) doesn't do homework. If it turns out to be necessary at secondary she will go to homework club and do it at school. It is not worth the distress it causes her to try to do it at home.

My ND kids don't do homework at home. They're now at secondary school and attend homework club. If it doesn't get done there - ie if they have too much to do in 3 sessions, it doesn't get forced at home although we do remind them to check their school app. It's written into their support plans so they don't get sanctioned for it.

They both struggle with the logic of schoolwork when they're at home. Schools is for learning. Home is for chilling and fun. Occasionally ds1 will choose to do some (now y10) and we praise him for the effort. But we don't sanction for not doing it as it's counterproductive. Dd2 will do some when she's really bored!!

During primary school it was a lot easier to work homework into enjoyable tasks. Dd2 enjoyed reading anyway. Spellings were done through hangman and their maths was on a school gaming style app, where they were rewarded with coins to buy things for their avatar. I nearly withdrew dd2 from sats when their y6 teacher started pushing studying at home. Luckily the sendco was amazing and told dd2 not to worry, reiterated our message that the tests are more about testing the teachers than the students.

NT and ND should not be doing homework. None of my 3 ever has done it, even if their schools asked them to (all NT but SEMH needs). I’ve told their teachers they won’t be doing it and they’ve all been fine with it. At secondary school they’ve started doing some with clear boundaries on time.
At primary I think it shouldn’t be allowed.

(I’m a primary teacher with 26 years experience)

I would be using my agency as the parent to assert that it is not working for any of you, and that it’s not in his best interests.

Hes achieving well and happy at school, so you’re happy.

Dont let the school push you or him around. It would be different if he was struggling or missing large parts of the curriculum but he’s not.

You’re the only one who truly cares about him as an individual, the teachers will care to an extent but not in the same way. Watching him hit himself must be really heartbreaking.

I work alongside children’s mental health services and school avoidance and adolescence anxiety is huge. I’d be chuffed with his achievement so far given the additional difficulties he may face.

Asd has a motoric component.
One of the criteria for dcd diagnosis is " no other cause for the motor difficulties". Some paediatricians won't give dual diagnosis.

If hand writing is a significant issue (it is for DS) then it might be worth referring him to OT. In many places you can do this yourself.

An assessment may look at hand skills, strength, pen grip and posture .

This will identify physical difficulties and identify exercises or strategies to make it easier for him.

Many autistic kids have hyper mobile fingers which can make holding and controlling a pen difficult.

OT can also write a letter of support for using a keyboard rather than handwriting.
There is evidence to suggest that brains take in info better when it's written, but (and I'm not certain) that may be based on NT brains.

Government require cursive for sats, if you're in England which is why schools push it. I don't know how much leeway they have to make a special case in primary exams. It's much easier in secondary.

I don't think I said that they would naturally fall into place. If he is struggling with it now, then taking the load off now so that it doesn't completely overwhelm him is sensible. Then as he gets older, they can look to see how he is coping and when it might start to be something he can manage. Bit by bit - but 8 years is a long time away. Sometimes I see this assumption that if you make allowances at an earlier age then you're never going to bring it back, but we do it exactly that way for a lot of things. For example, taking exams is another skill which is important for GCSEs, but we don't expect 8 year olds to do it. I know they do SATS in year 2, but they are managed quite carefully so that children don't feel like they are in a pressurised "exam" situation, and then Y6 SATS are a bit more "exam" format but children tend to take them in their own classrooms rather than it being an exam hall kind of thing.

My DD is AuDHD. I keep a supply of chocolate buttons in the cupboard at all times and hand them out like dog treats. Read through your spelling; chocolate button. Read your spelling word out and use the word in a sentence (repeat for the whole list); chocolate button etc etc.

Her ADHD gets triggered by me verbally requesting she do things, but her autism loves a list a
to follow, so I will write a step-by-step list of instructions for her to follow for homework. It’s like outsourcing a lot of the metal side of the executive dysfunction so she can just do the thing.

Personally I think primary age is too young for homework, whether ND or NT.

My ND child has always struggled with homework. It was undoubtedly the most stressful part of our after school routine. I knew it was causing him so much distress but I was still forcing it on him because I felt it had to get done.

Looking back, that was the wrong approach — you really can’t force it. But I also don’t think you need to eliminate homework altogether. It’s more about reducing the load and finding strategies that make it manageable for your child and for you.

I don’t know about you but I couldn’t find anything practical out there to help navigate the homework challenge with a neurodivergent child — so I actually ended up writing my own guide from everything I’d learned through trial and error with my son. It’s made such a difference for us.

Happy to share some of the strategies that worked for us if it would help.

Reading perhaps should be encouraged- but parents should be doing that anyway ?