Never got acknowledgment on Mother’s Day

[ticklesmyback]

We’ve been married 4 years and have two dc under the age of 3 and the last 3 years since becoming a mother my husband has never gotten me as much as a card or a “happy Mother’s Day” and told him last year it really upset me and made me feel horrible like I wasn’t even worthy of being acknowledged on Mother’s Day when all I see on Facebook is every other mum I know getting flowers/cards and lovely gifts.

i told him last night how upset I was and he just sat in silence.

its always the same on Valentine’s Day, this year he nipped off to Asda at 10pm and came back with a bunch of poxy roses just because I mentioned how sad I was that he never bothered.

Same on our anniversary in jan, he never bothered either. It’s so upsetting and I really want to have a good cry today but can’t in front of the dc. Surely this isn’t normal and he’s just a scummy bastard!

If this is a pattern of behaviour, and it matters that much to do, surely you need to remind him in advance, rather than tell him when the day is over and he can't recify his omissions?

What is your relationship like in general?

Sorry OP, that is rubbish. Parenting two under threes is hard work and it's not much to expect that he acknowledges Mother's Day in some way. I could understand if this was the first time and he really hadn't picked up on it but given that you said something last year, he really should have known better.

Happy Mother's Day from me

Rubbish, she isn’t his personal calendar.

That's a horrible feeling. What's he like generally?

The fact he sat in silence and said nothing… doesn’t sound like a very kind or caring person

what a horrible example to set your children, time to leave before they are old enough to pick up on his lack of care for you

He’s not romantic or thoughtful in any shape or form. It’s not as if I want a bloody fortune spent on me, a simple card and I would be over the moon.

he does work hard to provide for us as a family and is a hands on dad, but he’s absolutely rubbish when it comes to our relationship. We haven’t had a single date night since getting married and at Christmas and birthdays he doesn’t even bother to buy me anything until weeks later.

im just so fed up today.

OP, you have known him a long time, so you either have to accept that gifts, cards etc are just not his style, or you do something about it. Don't be surprised when he keeps repeating the same behaviour.

What does hands on Dad mean in reality? I never hear the phrase used about mothers.
Does he fully parent, plan, organise day to day life?
It sounds like he doesn't like you very much, does he love, honour and cherish you, since he chose to vow to do that?

Such a hands on dad he helped the children make a Mother’s Day card for their mum because he knew it meant a lot to her….
that would be an example of a hands on dad…

Well when he’s here and not working he bathes, feeds and plays with the kids, does his share of housework, food shopping, just whatever needs done. What a pp said about him not liking me very much is perhaps true when I think about it.

You didn’t marry my
ex did you? He objected to all those days because he said they were too “commercial” and that it was his way of fighting back by not participating…

Who raised these people to not care about the significant people in their lives? It’s not on.

What happens at Christmas then? Everyone has gifts under the tree, but you? What do his parents say? What do your parents say?

And when your parents, his parents, or siblings say, “What did Mr @ticklesmyback get you for your birthday?” What do you say? “Nothing.”

can I just ask - why continue engaging with him and having children with him? he sounds selfish and awful but why not just take the steps to move on?

Please don't tell me you go all out for his birthday/fathers' day? I'm so heartsick of hearing what mums do for dads and then the dads don't reciprocate.

Very similar story to my DH! Two young kids, he's never bothered to do anything for Mother's Day since they were born, and this year it annoyed me more than usual, especially this morning when he came back with half price supermarket flowers and expected me to be happy about it (he was not trying to pass them off as Mother's Day flowers but still). I let it slide as he's otherwise very thoughtful and loving towards me day to day, does a lot of small things to show he cares and he's an amazing, hands on dad, I think he just doesn't 'get' things like Mothers Day and it wouldn't occur to him to help the kids buy or make a card or pick out some flowers or whatever, and to be fair I have told him in the past I don't want either tat or big presents for birthdays, Christmas etc as I have expensive taste and would rather pick out things I like when I do buy something. But if I had raised this as an issue in previous years and he still did nothing I'd be very pissed off, so I can definitely see why you are upset OP.

God this is depressing. Parenting her partner.

No. OP does NOT have to remind him, he’s a grown assed man who chose to get married and have children with her. She has expressed that this is important to her and he continues to let her down when it’s very little she’s asking for. He can remind himself, he’s not get child. OP is asking for basic shit here. It’s not her job to remind him. It’s his job to remember.

Yep - why should she have to bloody remind him? He’s an adult.

This is utterly depressing to read. He really doesn't care about your feelings.

OP, my partner got me a card and presents from the bloody cat. Not even married yet. No actual children. We are both (of course) fully aware the cat is not my child. He just did it as an excuse to treat me, as he has done every year (and he gets father's day gifts too).

Kinda feel your partner should be wanting to treat you too. Why wouldn't be want to? He's being a dick.

Perhaps he'd rather she didn't.

Not all of us like all that....

'Look what I've got you! Guess where we're going for dinner? Somewhere I've wanted to go for ages! I know all this makes you uncomfortable but it shows how much I love you! Well, it shows other people how much I love you, and whether or not you actually want me to do it is a pretty secondary concern, frankly. Be grateful! And do the same for me! I'll send you a list! And make sure it's all on Insta!"

Well use your words and speak up that you don't want it.

Ooh! Good idea! I'll try that!

....Nope. Didn't work. As it wouldn't. Because, as the previous post might have implied, it's a compulsive behaviour on the part of the giver and completely impervious to any pushback from the receiver.

Well you have a partner problem then. You're allowing them to trample all over your boundaries.

Was he romantic before you married him?
Did he recognise your birthday and Christmas then?