Never got acknowledgment on Mother’s Day

[ticklesmyback]

We’ve been married 4 years and have two dc under the age of 3 and the last 3 years since becoming a mother my husband has never gotten me as much as a card or a “happy Mother’s Day” and told him last year it really upset me and made me feel horrible like I wasn’t even worthy of being acknowledged on Mother’s Day when all I see on Facebook is every other mum I know getting flowers/cards and lovely gifts.

i told him last night how upset I was and he just sat in silence.

its always the same on Valentine’s Day, this year he nipped off to Asda at 10pm and came back with a bunch of poxy roses just because I mentioned how sad I was that he never bothered.

Same on our anniversary in jan, he never bothered either. It’s so upsetting and I really want to have a good cry today but can’t in front of the dc. Surely this isn’t normal and he’s just a scummy bastard!

Some people just don't do present and card giving.
What is he like the rest of the time ? Is he kind, loving and caring? If so then I wouldn't give it another thought.
My son is just not a card giver and he never expects anything on his birthday etc either . He just finds the organised gift giving meaningless. But he is the kindest, most generous and thoughtful person always there is listen to and help his family and friends. I would much prefer he was like that than someone who buys a card because it is expected.

I think the OP sounds emotionally intelligent enough to understand that.

I tend to agree.

I was simply responding to someone who implied that everyone who's on the receiving end of this kind of largesse ought to express their gratitude by responding in kind.

....indeed. But perhaps not the poster I quoted.

Why the fuck should she have to remind him? He’s an adult, apparently, who can look at a calendar or put a reminder in his phone just like anyone else. Way to go, supporting that infantile incompetence. I loathe it when women say other women should do more for hapless men.

DH and I don’t do presents for birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, Valentines or mothers/ Father’s Day.

We’re both really thoughtful with each other through the year and neither of us want gifts.

We often go out in lieu of gifts (a little holiday after Christmas, a festival for our anniversary etc.)

however… if you aren’t happy with the situation and have told him so that’s really awful of him!

You quoted me. I have a brain….My Dh prefers to stay at home, have a low key meal and watch a film. No way would I push him to endure anything he didn’t want to do.

Ah, sorry I didn't notice it was you.

And I'm sorry you're heartsick.

Some people like to make a fuss over ‘occasions’. Others don’t. You married someone who doesn’t. But surely you knew this before you married him?

exactly that. He usually beats me to it though, “I still haven’t got ticklesmyback anything yet!”

I used to and I definitely won’t be again unless he changes his ways.

I wouldn’t ever put anything on social media like that. He hates getting gifts or being made a fuss over that is true, but he knows I do and I like to make a fuss over the people who are important to me it’s how I express love.

What was he like when you were dating @ticklesmyback?

The opposite of how he is now.

Sounds like he was just romantic and thoughtful enough to get you to settle for him. Once he had you locked down with marriage and kids he could stop pretending to care.

Even if he doesn't like you much or give a shit about any of this, if he were a half decent dad he'd do it for his kids and to show a bare minimum of respect for you. My ex and I are not friends at all, he doesn't owe me anything, but on xmas/birthdays/mothers day/fathers day we let the kids choose a gift each, show them how to wrap it and show them how to fold a piece of paper and scribble something cute. It takes hardly any time or effort and there's no excuse not to really.

Why the feck should she have to remind him?!

He knows it upsets you but he still does it. That's a problem. I would try asking him why he doesn't do anything -- and not let him get away with no response. Does he just not care that it upsets you? Does he understand it makes it look to you and other people like he doesn't care about you? Does he put any effort or thought into trying to think of something beforehand?

I suppose potentially he could be worried about choosing the right thing to the point he can't decide on anything. But then you'd think he'd just buy something the day before at least and learn for next time.

And everyone is okay with this, or do they give him the side eye? It’s hardly a surprise…your birthday and Christmas happen on the same day. Every year. Without fail.

Does he buy his parents and their siblings their gifts or cards on time? (Please tell me you haven’t taken this over for him.)

I’d send him back. He’s clearly malfunctioning.
Either get a replacement or a full refund. .

”I’d send him back. He’s clearly malfunctioning.”

If only it were that easy @Swiftie1878 🙂

Yeah, they don't even come with a decent guarantee, you can't get a refund, and swapping them for a better model is frowned on.