To feel sad that I got nothing for Mother's Day

mothersdayhmm · 2025-03-30T15:01:38+00:00

Two adult kids. Never missed a Mother's Day before. Not always here physically, but always get nice gifts delivered. Today, I got nothing. No cards, no gifts. One didn't realise it was Mother's Day until about 3pm : he rang me and was very apologetic. The other lives abroad and has sent something, but it won't be arriving any time soon, due to delivery problems. I know it's just a commercialised day, and this is the only time this has ever happened, but I feel really rubbish. Just watched my neighbour and her DD set off for their afternoon tea. Tell me I'm being silly? AIBU to feel deflated and a bit teary?

BeaAndBen · 30/03/2025 16:05

They do care, the one abroad has sent you something to enjoy when it arrives in a couple of days and your other adult child rang to tell you he loves you.

It’s disappointing when you’re apart from them and get nothing, but remind yourself that you are loved and thought about, even if it went a bit wrong this time.

Then take yourself to M&S and buy yourself a nice bottle of gin and some chocolates, and choose something good to watch tonight.

Have some virtual flowers from a stranger, too 💐

Fancycheese · 30/03/2025 16:07

I don’t think you are. But be warned that people will be swooping in on their brooms soon to let you know how pathetic you are.

Are you possibly feeling upset at the passage of time and the fact your children are now grown up and flown the nest? That does sound tricky! Could you make plans with a friend next year? Or buy a ticket to something so you’re doing something nice anyway?

It doesn’t sound as though it was intentional or malicious at all. I’m sure future mothers days won’t all be like this.

Lovelyview · 30/03/2025 16:07

It's fine to feel a bit sad but that's life - especially when your kids have grown up. Treat yourself to something nice and look forward to the present you'll be getting soon.

Original poster

mothersdayhmm · 30/03/2025 16:08

BeaAndBen · 30/03/2025 16:05

They do care, the one abroad has sent you something to enjoy when it arrives in a couple of days and your other adult child rang to tell you he loves you.

It’s disappointing when you’re apart from them and get nothing, but remind yourself that you are loved and thought about, even if it went a bit wrong this time.

Then take yourself to M&S and buy yourself a nice bottle of gin and some chocolates, and choose something good to watch tonight.

Have some virtual flowers from a stranger, too 💐

Aw, thank you.

OP posts:

Abbygabby87 · 30/03/2025 16:10

I didn't get my mother anything.

I rang her and wished her happy mothers day on a phonecall and she was happy with that.

Why is them buying you a present important? Do you think money equals love? It doesn't.

Original poster

mothersdayhmm · 30/03/2025 16:11

Fancycheese · 30/03/2025 16:07

I don’t think you are. But be warned that people will be swooping in on their brooms soon to let you know how pathetic you are.

Are you possibly feeling upset at the passage of time and the fact your children are now grown up and flown the nest? That does sound tricky! Could you make plans with a friend next year? Or buy a ticket to something so you’re doing something nice anyway?

It doesn’t sound as though it was intentional or malicious at all. I’m sure future mothers days won’t all be like this.

No, I'm not sad they have flown the nest. I'm used to it now, as they moved out 8 & 9 years ago. I know nothing was intentional, but I still feel a bit crap. I mean, it's not hard to get this right, is it? I can honestly say, I never once missed getting a gift to my own Mum on time. I also always get very generous gifts to them on time, for every occasion.

OP posts:

Darkdiamond · 30/03/2025 16:14

I live abroad and celebrate Mother's Day on a different day. When we first moved here, we did the UK mothers day but my husband missed it a few times as honestly it is so difficult to know it's coming up without all of the advertising in the run up to it. In the UK, you cannot escape that Mother's Day is coming up but when you're abroad, you really have to go out of your way to Google the date in advance and put it in your calendar. I know it's always in March so always looks it up as I'm terrified of forgetting it as I know how easily that can happen. Just wanted to put that out there!

Original poster

mothersdayhmm · 30/03/2025 16:17

Darkdiamond · 30/03/2025 16:14

I live abroad and celebrate Mother's Day on a different day. When we first moved here, we did the UK mothers day but my husband missed it a few times as honestly it is so difficult to know it's coming up without all of the advertising in the run up to it. In the UK, you cannot escape that Mother's Day is coming up but when you're abroad, you really have to go out of your way to Google the date in advance and put it in your calendar. I know it's always in March so always looks it up as I'm terrified of forgetting it as I know how easily that can happen. Just wanted to put that out there!

The one that didn't know it was Mother's Day lives in the UK! 😱And he was in town yesterday shopping!

OP posts:

Darkdiamond · 30/03/2025 16:19

mothersdayhmm · 30/03/2025 16:17

The one that didn't know it was Mother's Day lives in the UK! 😱And he was in town yesterday shopping!

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Aw I'm sorry. That is annoying.

offmynut · 30/03/2025 16:20

Another thread another mothers day drama queen.🙄
These threads are coming in like hot cakes today.

Original poster

mothersdayhmm · 30/03/2025 16:43

offmynut · 30/03/2025 16:20

Another thread another mothers day drama queen.🙄
These threads are coming in like hot cakes today.

Oh really, a drama queen. Hardly!

OP posts:

offmynut · 30/03/2025 16:44

mothersdayhmm · 30/03/2025 16:43

Oh really, a drama queen. Hardly!

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Acting it.

whattogetforbirthday · 30/03/2025 16:48

get off Mumsnet now
get online now
order yourself something you would like … coffee machine, new clothes, a random lawnmower, book a hair appointment but whatever it is do something for you now and get yourself a lovely takeaway tonight with a cheeky glass of wine. Treat yourself right

Maggiethecat · 30/03/2025 16:52

mothersdayhmm · 30/03/2025 16:11

No, I'm not sad they have flown the nest. I'm used to it now, as they moved out 8 & 9 years ago. I know nothing was intentional, but I still feel a bit crap. I mean, it's not hard to get this right, is it? I can honestly say, I never once missed getting a gift to my own Mum on time. I also always get very generous gifts to them on time, for every occasion.

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I get in a humph about things like this. I really don’t want a gift but I want a card with some rubbish words on it and then I’m incredibly happy 😆
It’s ridiculous I know but I think my dc realise this by now.
Older one sent me a card with a cat on the front, I guess in homage to my fluffy friend, with her own words inside and younger girl baked shortbread and gave me tulips and some printed photos.
Was very happy that they took some of their time for me.

You are not being unreasonable. We’ve been hearing the ads for weeks. It doesn’t take much to send a card or small token in recognition. Having said that, if it’s not normally forgotten I’d cheer up and treat it as a blip.

DramaAlpaca · 30/03/2025 16:55

Just for a different perspective, I also have adult DC who don't live at home. I got messages from both of them and it's fine. I know they love me and they know I don't need or want cards, gifts and fuss. The one who does live at home will give me a big hug and a bunch of daffodils from the garden and that's fine too. We're all different.

But OP, if that's not your expectation and they usually do things differently I can understand why you'd be upset.

Here's a bunch of flowers from me

GreyAreas · 30/03/2025 17:06

One rang you and one sent something, I'd say that's a pretty good mother's day and sign that they love and care for you OP, although if they did forget it wouldn't mean they didn't. It's the expectation that ruins the day, DH has spent two weeks saying 'I wonder if they'll send you anything: and 'I wonder if they'll call' and tbh he's been driving me nuts because I don't want to care or somehow feel lesser if they didn't - stupid confected overblown occasion.

nightmarepickle2025 · 30/03/2025 17:16

I just don’t understand this gifts for Mother’s Day thing. You get gifts for Christmas and birthday. Mother’s Day is a card and a cuddle. Expecting presents as a grown up is a bit odd IMHO. Who needs more tat in their lives?

Veronay · 30/03/2025 17:30

I feel like these kind of disappointments are usually indicative that you're not happy in some other way. It is rubbish that in the modern day a lot of grown up children have to move away for work and whatever else. There just often aren't opportunities and things everywhere anymore, and it is sad that families are so far apart as a result. Hopefully you will see at least one of your children some time soon OP.

Nothanksiwillwalk · 30/03/2025 17:48

I really wouldn't think they didn't care. I don't associate caring with material things on one day of the year. Also don't compare with neighbours, we only see the external of other people's lives. You have 2 independent children who love their mum.

Someone has decided to cash in on a day to commercialise it. Don't let that define how you feel.

There is plenty of times when you've had nice conversations or had lovely time spent with your children, I have no idea why we have to force it into 1 day.

Do something nice for yourself because it's a Sunday and the sun is shining :-)

Original poster

mothersdayhmm · 30/03/2025 21:09

Nothanksiwillwalk · 30/03/2025 17:48

I really wouldn't think they didn't care. I don't associate caring with material things on one day of the year. Also don't compare with neighbours, we only see the external of other people's lives. You have 2 independent children who love their mum.

Someone has decided to cash in on a day to commercialise it. Don't let that define how you feel.

There is plenty of times when you've had nice conversations or had lovely time spent with your children, I have no idea why we have to force it into 1 day.

Do something nice for yourself because it's a Sunday and the sun is shining :-)

But you could say that about any celebratory day. Valentine’s, fuck it. Birthdays, fuck it. Christmas, fuck it. I am not going to lie, it feels really rubbish to be sitting here tonight in my living room with not one card or gift for Mother’s Day. It feels utterly shit. Not least because I always make sure that every special day is celebrated with cards, presents or cash etc. I am generous to a fault. If I’m being honest, I feel quite heartbroken.

OP posts:

Gustavo77 · 30/03/2025 22:42

That's absolutely ridiculous. Why do you want anything at all never mind so they're giving you because of commercial obligation.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 30/03/2025 23:42

They do care, and that’s what matters. I banned gifts from mine this year. I don’t want any more stuff!

MissyT987 · 31/03/2025 00:36

Your feelings are validated. We know it’s really just a commercialised day .However it’s nice for one day a year for them to say how much they appreciate you. It’s been another Mother’s Day gone , sometimes I do wonder will my son reach out to me after cutting me off 7 years ago! Went out with my parents and daughter she showed us what her and my son had got their other Nan . Very nice gift , I do feel hurt it’s not about receiving gifts or anything but it does hurt ,

Original poster

mothersdayhmm · 31/03/2025 07:49

nightmarepickle2025 · 30/03/2025 17:16

I just don’t understand this gifts for Mother’s Day thing. You get gifts for Christmas and birthday. Mother’s Day is a card and a cuddle. Expecting presents as a grown up is a bit odd IMHO. Who needs more tat in their lives?

Well I didn't get any cards and I didn't get any cuddles. Do my feelings count now?

OP posts:

whirlyhead · 31/03/2025 07:55

I will cheerfully admit I’ve never bought my mother a Mother’s Day card or even rung her on the day. We don’t send each other cards for birthdays either.

But I can understand if your kids normally do that it can be upsetting if they stop though it is easy to forget - my partner hadn’t noticed it was Mother’s Day until about 11am then hurriedly rang his mother!

I hope you spent some time spoiling yourself instead.