To think social media can be so harmful, particularly at times like Mothers’ Day?

[Newmeagain]

I should make it clear I am not on facebook, instagram, etc. But I probably spend too much time on mumsnet when I am not doing other things!

Today was going fine - teen dd made us a lovely breakfast before she went to her weekend job, while I got on with various household tasks. It’s just the two of us.

And then of course I come on mumsnet while having a cup of tea. And there are the usual posts from people getting jewellery from their husbands/partners, etc. I know I should just stay away from those threads but can’t help myself. It doesn’t make me feel great about myself.

Even on WhatsApp sometimes people use the profile picture to signpost holidays, gifts, etc. So it’s hard to insulate yourself from that.

Nobody's twisting your arm to force you to look at SM.

My dd has dropped a jar of sauce of the floor so I’ve been on my hands and knees scooping up tomato with shards of glass. I also bought myself
some flowers.

Does that make you feel better?

I couldn’t give a shit what performance other people are doing.

I think it’s a good lesson in accepting that everyone does things differently be it Christmas, Eid, Valentines or Mothers day or any other celebration.
Your daughter sounds lovely, making you breakfast and having a a weekend job, signs of a nice thoughtful teen.

What would you want to happen to solve this?

Your daughter has marked the day. Why does it matter to you what other people do?

This sums it up nicely.

I got a card from each ds, small bunch of flowers, and a box of forerro rochers which are my favourits. No jewelry, or anything.

I'm also mindful of my dear friend who lost her only child last year, and hoping she's getting through today ok

If you know you have issues with comparison, you should stay off social media and not actively harm yourself by going on. That’s just silly.

I haven't seen anyone on Facebook thing about getting jewellery but if I did it would make me eyeroll rather than be upset. Why would you want that much ridiculousness?

I couldn’t give a shit what performance other people are doing.

Exactly this. Ds got me a really pretty card and wrote a lovely message in it. I took us out for a fab lunch. We're now both half-dozing on the sofa for a couple of hours before he needs to head home. Perfectly lovely, low-key day with no one upset or feeling unloved / unappreciated.

It really is getting pathetic, all this social media grandstanding. I truly can't be arsed with it all.

Surprised at the posts and poll results (so far.) I agree @Newmeagain It's the same at Christmas. Happy clappy families, 12 around the table posting #FamilyIsEverything and the like, whilst other people sit alone as they have no-one.

Social media - even Mumsnet is not healthy for people who are bit sad, and lonely.

Just remember though @Newmeagain People on here could be making shit up. And as for Facebook and all the 'happy' families and 'happy' couples; just remember, things are not always as they seem.

I mean, why the fuck is a man buying jewelry for his wife on MOTHERS DAY anyway? She is not his mother!

DH bought me some maltesers and a £7 bottle of wine. And a 'happy mothers day wifey' card - and I didn't even expect that. I would think it odd if he bought me gold for Mothers Day.

As has been said though, your daughter acknowledged Mothers Day, so I am not sure what the issue is. Do you really believe that most women get jewelry for Mothers Day from their husband. (They don't!)

Hmmm. I got flowers from my sons and youngest left price on his card, last night. Eldest lad is going out with girlfriend and her mother tonight for a meal.
That’s it. Been into town, did a bit of shopping and went to the oriental supermarket.
Jewellery? Nope. Don’t need that.
Might do roast beef for dinner…..might not!
I do not see my mother because of horrendous abuse growing up, my life was pretty much ruined.
You do have to be careful of social media posts, you’re not being unreasonable with how you feel, though.
Be gentle with yourself OP; it’s just a day. Mostly commercial. But very nice that your DD made you breakfast. Isn’t that great?
I am grateful I have healthy and happy boys and we have a good relationship.
As @fruitbrewhaha says. I don’t give a shit what performance others are putting on.

I agree OP.

I find it very hard not to get affected by SM. I would love a partner and a family, but it’s not happening for me at the moment and when I open SM all I to see is happy family’s and it makes me feel shit.

So I’ve really limited how much time I spend on it.

The OP has a family. She has a daughter. I hope that daughter doesn't realise that her recognition of the day isn't enough to assuage her mother's discontent.

Flowers and gifts mean far less to me than time spent and a thoughtful touch, like breakfast, on Mother’s Day. Your DD has shown you her love and appreciation which is what this is all about, isn’t it?

I got a card and a small present from DD, but I’m at work today so she decided to spend the day at her father’s place instead. It’s fine. I am not a huge celebrant of marked holidays anyway, the forced fun aspect is particularly grating.

This. I wouldn't think of holidays or particularly expensive presents as part of mothers day personally

Every single couple I know with relationship problems have the most picture perfect, gushy, social media presence.

I think it's an escape from reality and and effort to convince themselves that things aren't as bad as they are in reality. It's a form of delusion.

Who the hell is getting jewellery!? Comparison is the thief of joy, your daughter did more than a lot would.

Do you know anyone in real life that gets jewellery for Mother’s Day? I sure as hell don’t. The internet isn’t real life

On mother's day my sm is full of people doing "thinking of you" posts about how hard it must be for people who aren't mothers on the day.

I do think it's nice to be thoughtful and conscious that some people will struggle on this day.

But it does annoy me that we only seem to do this on a day that celebrates mothers. It never seems that all the fathers on father's day have to make a display of thinking of all the men who aren't dads.

As mothers we often do a lot. If someone wants to get us a bunch of flowers or a piece of jewellery (I wish) once a year, let's just bloody enjoy it.

My 5yo daughter drew me loads of pictures of us and put out breakfast things so I wouldn't have to. It was lovely. Better than jewellery!

Honestly? The only 'perfect social media posts' I've seen today are from people who I know have many problems and it's all fake. Take it all with a pinch of salt and enjoy your day x

Stay off sm then

Anybody could find any social media post ‘harmful’, does that mean no one should post anything, ever, in case it offends because someone else doesn’t have what they have?!

I got myself a card for my girls to write (was free in a 3 for two deal) but it hasn’t been written. Did post a photo of me by a swimming pool this morning as we’re on holiday (not for Mother’s Day!) SM doesn’t ever show you the full picture

i think some people misinterpreted my post. I wasn’t saying that I was unhappy with my day or disappointed or anything like that. To be honest I don’t actually attach that much importance to Mother’s Day.

All I was trying to say that I think most of us are not immune to being impacted by what we see online. My weakness is definitely the fact that sometimes it’s painful to be reminded that I don’t have partner to think of me. I am sure there are people with similar struggles.

I am just glad that I was a teenager just before the internet and SM, as my teen years were not that easy and would have been so much harder with SM.