To think social media can be so harmful, particularly at times like Mothers’ Day?

[Newmeagain]

I should make it clear I am not on facebook, instagram, etc. But I probably spend too much time on mumsnet when I am not doing other things!

Today was going fine - teen dd made us a lovely breakfast before she went to her weekend job, while I got on with various household tasks. It’s just the two of us.

And then of course I come on mumsnet while having a cup of tea. And there are the usual posts from people getting jewellery from their husbands/partners, etc. I know I should just stay away from those threads but can’t help myself. It doesn’t make me feel great about myself.

Even on WhatsApp sometimes people use the profile picture to signpost holidays, gifts, etc. So it’s hard to insulate yourself from that.

I'm happy for you to compare yourself to me. I had zero gifts or cards from my children. I think one of them texted me happy mothers day.

They show they care for me all the time and they know that I give zero shits about all the commercial rubbish forced on us for mothers/valentines etc day. I'm glad they see it the same way. :-)

The smuggest people on SM that are praising their partner the most are usually the ones who are either shagging someone else or whose parter is shagging someone else. Or who's not shagging someone else but they're for the jewellery or money or whatever. Marriage/being a mother is a lifetime commitment. It's not about one day.

In fact, Mothering Sunday was originally about celebrating your "mother church" on the 4th Sunday of Lent. I get that a huge part of our population are not Christian now so that's not relevant but the reality is it's also given big corporations the PERFECT excuse to get us to spend more money on tat.

If I want a piece of jewellery I don't wait until Mothers Day/Christmas/my Birthday. I get it. I know I am worth it. And if my husband wants an expensive watch, same applies. Cos he's worth it too. Every day.

That's lovely, but you do know that people/children who buy cards, flowers, and gifts for their mum on Mothers Day, ALSO show them they care for them and love them all year round right....?

The two things are not mutually exclusive. Mums who receive cards and gifts and flowers from their children are not neglected by them all year round. Indeed, most people who buy for their mother are more likely to be the type who show love and care all year round.

OP your teen sounds lovely, I am sure many people would feel envious of your chilled out day with a considerate child.

Enjoy it :)

Absolutely, but if you don't get an overpriced bouquet of flowers on a day deemed appropriate by someone else - I really would refuse to get upset about it!

@Jinglejanglejangle · Today 18:08

The smuggest people on SM that are praising their partner the most are usually the ones who are either shagging someone else or whose partner is shagging someone else.

Yep. I have a neighbour who has been married to her DH for 20 years - 3 kids between 10 and 19, and we've been facebook friends for about 10 years. Hardly ever posted pics of her and her DH, or said anything about them together, or him...

Then suddenly mid-late 2023, she started posting all these super gushy remarks about her 'wubbly hubz,' and how amazing he was, and how clever he was building a big shed all by himself! Multiple pics of them together appeared - 3-5 a week, snuggling and cuddling, with #soulmate #myhubby and #mylovemylife and all kinds of wanky bollocks.

About 6 months later, another neighbour told me that she (the wife) had discovered her 'wubbly hubz' had been getting a bit fresh with the 25 year old blonde hottie in the office. Giving her lifts home, going to lunch with her, and going back to her flat when he said he was 'working late.' Went on for about 9-10 months. He said 'nothing happened' and she (the wife) couldn't prove anything, but he did confess to it being a bit of an emotional affair, as he was flattered that she fancied him, with him being 45 and all. #MidLifeCrisis.

So then came the 'look how amazing my marriage is' posts! And the 25 year old hottie was transferred to another branch!

Fair enough. To be fair my 2 DC each bought a £8-10 bunch of flowers from Morrisons, and Tesco. I wouldn't have wanted them to pay £30-40. The shop bought ones are nice enough.

You need to work on why someone else getting a present is such an impact on your life. How do you think that makes your daughter feel? That what she does isn't good enough?

You've answered your own AIBU. Pay no attention to threads about jewellery and the likes. people post for attention from others full stop. The day you had sounds lovely and normal. Without going into it, I'm a bereaved mum of twin babies who died at birth 17 months ago, currently expecting our third baby who will fill our broken house tbh. Days like today should be painful but I feel the loss of my baby boys everyday, not just today and I ignore all the posts that go up. Look at the lovely morning you had and forget about what people are posting. Breakfast with your dd sounds just perfect.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Your daughter did a lovely and kind thing for you today, much more in the spirit of Mothers Day than receiving lavish jewellery from a partner. Reading 99% of the Mother’s Day posts on here today, most women it seems would kill to have what your daughter did for them today. Many heartbroken that kids or husbands didn’t acknowledge or remember it.

Don’t worry about the partner thing, it’s not really that much of a thing for Mother’s Day. You have a daughter and you are her mother. She celebrated you today and did something out of love. I know you said you are sad that you don’t have a partner but there will be several posters on here that don’t have a mother and/or a child and/or a partner. Count your blessings and cherish the wonderful things you DO have.

I think a lot of social media is actually the opposite of this today.

Sure, MN is social media, but it's long-form, so discussions are going to be more nuanced, experiences are going to be more detailed. Plus, people are anonymous on here, so there is a lot of invention.

Short-form SM, where people use their real names and post identifying photos, such as Instagram, really go above and beyond to emphasise and acknowledge that days like Mother's Day can be very difficult for people.

For example, most posts I have seen today are along the lines of 'this post is dedicated to everyone who may be struggling quietly' kind of vibe.

People tend to be kinder and more thoughtful – or want to be perceived as such – when they are identifiable.

Social media is a choice no one is forced to use it, if someone is not happy with their life they need to work on that not blame social media, I use social media for what I get out of it if it any way has an impact on me I would stop using it so I get out what I put in, is seems more and more in society people blame everything and everyone else for their problems

I don't have any family, no partner, no children, and have never in my life been impacted by anything others have posted on sm. Honestly, why don't people just concentrate on what they do have in life instead of being upset by what others have.