Unexpected inheritance..do I tell my partner?

[jellytiptop]

Hello, I’ve been on mn for years but have name changed for this post. I have recently discovered that my grandmother has left me some money in her will, all her grandchildren received £60000 and this was distributed to us this week. I haven’t told my partner of 8 years.

For context, we own a house together as tenants in common with both of us putting down equal deposits and splitting the mortgage and bills 50/50. DP is 37 and earns £65k pa, he has two teen children from his previous marriage who we have EOW and half the holidays, he pays maintenance, uniforms, allowance etc. I am 31 earning £52k pa with no children. We have a joint account where all household expenses are paid from and we both transfer the same amount each month, but get paid into our separate accounts. He has approximately £40k personal savings and also some shares/ crypto but I don’t know the value of these. I only had £20k until now as the deposit for the house are most of my savings.

Our relationship has been very difficult the past couple of years with my partners depression and impulsive behaviour making me feel that we aren’t in a stable partnership. He has always been very insistent on everything being 50/50 financially even when I was earning far less than I am now. I’ve just accepted it because I didn’t want to viewed as a freeloader and I could look after myself. Now I’m wondering if it’s really sneaky of me to not tell him I have this money. I would like to put some of it on the mortgage but then he would ask where it came from etc. Just wanting to know if it’s ok to have a secret bank account or what I should do with the money, we aren’t married.

If the DP in your scenario felt that the relationship was rocky and wasn't sure he wanted to be there, I'd advise him to keep it secret, too.

Plus, they aren't married and their money is separate. Neither needs to tell the other anything, as long as they are meeting their share of expenses.

When I inherited some money from my 2 aunties I told DH and he told me it was mine so to put it in my own bank account until I had decided what to spend it on. I spent it one lot on double glazing windows for our holiday home, gave a £1k each to DC and we all went out for a family meal. With the second lot I bought new doors for holiday home and bought materials so DH could make a lovely garden. I planted my aunties favourite roses there. When my Mum died and I inherited along with my sister's I told DH again and he saw how sad I was and told me to put it into my bank account until I was ready to spend it. I gave £1k to each DC and eventually put the rest down as deposit on a btl house. In 11 years the house has doubled in value and more than half of the mortgage is repaid. I think mortgage will be repaid by the time my 2dgc will be 18. I'm planning on giving it to them between them for a deposit for a house each. If DH eventually inherits from his Mum, the money will be his to do as he pleases with it. I think inheritance is different from other money because it comes at the expense of losing a loved one.

i'd put it in a private account and then see how things go and have a good think. DO NOT pay it into the mortgage.

Ok sorry there are a lot of comments but I am reading them all. Yes my Gran would want me to be stable and have the means to leave should I need to. I do think perhaps my Dp has been somewhat villanised here, yes it was perhaps unfair initially when we were renting as it was a three bed house which was obviously more expensive that what I personally need. I don’t mind paying the mortgage 50/50 I wanted an equal stake in the house which is why he has excess savings because I couldn’t match it if he used all of it for the deposit. He has been divorced so there was a settlement to his ex wife and he has two kids so needs to look out for their interests I completely understand and support that. I will insist that we get wills sorted and maybe a life insurance policy so if he died there would be enough money to pay off the house and give the girls their inheritance?

What I think I’ll do is tell him I received some money but not disclose specifics. I’ll put some in an isa this week for the tax benefit and then probably chuck some in my pension. I don’t know anything about investing so would need to research or get advice on that.

From the background you've given I'd put it away quietly just in your name and sit on it. Make sure you turn off statements via the post so he doesn't get to see paperwork. I use Marcus and they are just on line via an app with decent rates. If I were you I'd put in the max in an Isa for this tax year (before 5 April) and then put in the max in the next tax year. Then you won't pay tax on the interest.

I think you need to think about if this is the right relationship for you. Most, in a happy relationship, would share it.

I’m really sorry about his health and brain surgery. Unfortunately, many people who have brain injuries are not the same person afterwards. So the man you fell in love with may never be the same again, and you need to make a new decision about whether he is now someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. You are very young and have the whole of your life ahead of you, please don’t waste it.

in terms of the money, I’d squirrel it away in your own name. An ISA and some premium bonds would be low risk and tax effective as you’re getting close to being a higher rate taxpayer. That will enable you to buy him out if necessary, if not you can make longer term plans in a few years.

You think if a man posted saying his partner always insists on splitting costs 50/50 and they own a house tenants in common, and she has £40k in her own savings account, that we would tell him to share his £60k savings with her?

On what planet would that happen?

Before you type that out, how about you read the thread.

She has shared 50/50 buying the house.

HE insisted 50/50 on costs despite her earning a lot less and it being a home for their children.
Utilities, food etc.

So he insisted that she share those costs.
She should not have shared those costs 1/3 to his 2/3 would have been fairer as they do not share children.

Why should she pay for these extra costs?
He's mean and she knows it but has been extremely foolish and desperate to keep up with him.

Read the OP's posts.
She has lost her FTB status buying with him, a house that would have to be sold if he died.

Nothing was in this arrangement was good for her, just him.

He's older that her and no doubt targeted her spectacularly naive position on money.

She needs to wake up and get wise.
He has his stocks and shares on the back of her folishly paying for his children.

Yes, I am aware of that. My point was that the poster I was replying to suggested that OP had been treated unfairly by being expected to contribute 50% of the costs for 50% of the equity. I was suggesting that in order to get the 50% share, that she does indeed currently have, it seemed fair to me that she contributed 50% of the deposit, mortgage costs and maintenance/running costs.

He houses his children and feeds them.
She should not be paying for his children.

Which part of that do you find so hard to grasp?
They do not share children.
She has no business paying for his.

You were give this money by your grandmother. She wanted you to have a nest egg / safety net. I just put it away and say nothing. Your finances are separate. He wanted 50:50 when it benefited him. Keep the current arrangement. If you want to leave him your grandmother has kindly given you more options.

Don’t put a large lump sum from an inheritance in your pension at this point. You’re 31 and already at the higher rate point, so you’ll want to pay into your pension from your salary that is taxed at higher rate, anything over £50,270. That way you will maximise your tax relief by getting higher rate relief on the way in and probably paying basic rate on the way out. Keep this windfall in ISAs (if you’re quick you can get £40k in in the next two weeks if you haven’t got a 24/25 one yet). An equity tracker if you want to invest for retirement, cash if you want to think about your property position for a bit. Then the rest in a LISA or in premium bonds.

She has been paying more than half. She buys his kids things on her own.

Do nor tell him about he money. Put it in an account n your sole name and forget it for a while - by the sounds of your relationship you might need funds in due course.

Ok maybe 40k into the isa over the next couple of weeks then I’ll have think about the remainder. I do think I would like to give the girls a small gift into their account, maybe £1000 each. This is purely because I want to, irrespective of my relationship with their dad. They are good girls, smart and kind and we really get along so well, there are only 16 years between myself and the oldest so the relationship isn’t a standard step mother dynamic, more older sister or auntie type this has evolved especially as they have grown up.

By all means set aside £1000 for them each but don’t put it into their accounts yet. You can set up a separate savings account at your own bank and keep the money in there separate from your other accounts.

I know someone who used their child’s Child Fund’s Trust for their own expenses. Keep the money with you until the girls are adults.

If you’re going to invest, make sure it’s an online account and they don’t send you post. Presuming he doesn’t have access to your emails.

OP if doing ISA make sure you get 20k in before 5 April.

He has investments you don’t know about and he insists on 50 50 so it’s irrelevant to him in my opinion. I’d be keeping it.

I think you should keep your money snd not be gifting it to anyone.

Sounds good. Remember that your relationship with the girls is separate from that with their father, so I love the fact you want to give them something. They are 13 and 15 if my maths is right? At that age they would be able to choose to continue to see you, and you could pursue visitation rights if he tried to stop that.

Given your financial agreements, it makes sense for you to regard this as your money rather than shared. It's not sneaky of you to keep quiet about it becuase you're not obliged to tell him everything, but it must make you wonder about your relationship if you don't want to share your good news with your partner.
Are you happy with him in other ways? Do you think it's unfair that you have been sharing bills 50/50 and want to change that?

Inheritance is usually excluded from the marital assets when going through a divorce. The only exceptions is if the money has been made available to both parties - usually meaning it has been deposited in a joint account and used for joint purposes - and/or if the financial split would be very heavily unequal.

So what I am saying that is even if you were married your partner wouldn't have a claim on this money.

I personally, due to his poor attitude to joint finances - making you pay 50/50 when he was out earning you quite considerably - would not even be telling him about the money.

You don’t know how much he has in savings so there’s no need for him to know how much you have