Unexpected inheritance..do I tell my partner?

[jellytiptop]

Hello, I’ve been on mn for years but have name changed for this post. I have recently discovered that my grandmother has left me some money in her will, all her grandchildren received £60000 and this was distributed to us this week. I haven’t told my partner of 8 years.

For context, we own a house together as tenants in common with both of us putting down equal deposits and splitting the mortgage and bills 50/50. DP is 37 and earns £65k pa, he has two teen children from his previous marriage who we have EOW and half the holidays, he pays maintenance, uniforms, allowance etc. I am 31 earning £52k pa with no children. We have a joint account where all household expenses are paid from and we both transfer the same amount each month, but get paid into our separate accounts. He has approximately £40k personal savings and also some shares/ crypto but I don’t know the value of these. I only had £20k until now as the deposit for the house are most of my savings.

Our relationship has been very difficult the past couple of years with my partners depression and impulsive behaviour making me feel that we aren’t in a stable partnership. He has always been very insistent on everything being 50/50 financially even when I was earning far less than I am now. I’ve just accepted it because I didn’t want to viewed as a freeloader and I could look after myself. Now I’m wondering if it’s really sneaky of me to not tell him I have this money. I would like to put some of it on the mortgage but then he would ask where it came from etc. Just wanting to know if it’s ok to have a secret bank account or what I should do with the money, we aren’t married.

Well before anyone starts getting off on their annoyance, perhaps they could think long and hard about why saying nothing is the wisest course of action.

as the poster before you said, “I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where I couldn’t share the news.”

Our relationship has been very difficult the past couple of years with my partners depression and impulsive behaviour making me feel that we aren’t in a stable partnership.

Do not tell him and put i your own account

20k isa
40k premium bonds

You not married so it is yours only
You might need this for escape fund

Good god no. Do not tell this man.

He’s extremely exploitative of your nature.

I think you need to park your people pleasing nature for a moment and step back and really think about whether this relationship with this selfish man is serving you. I suspect it is not.

Put the money in your savings. Keep it secret between you and your lovely grandmother. You may need it for the future.

The DP has been poor/ selfish with money
He has expected OP to pay 50/50 when she earns less
Their relationship has been rocky and sounds like it won't last.
Context is everything!

Do not pay off mortgage as it won't be accessible money.
If he dies tomorrow you may well need this to buy out his share and give to dc under his will or other purposes
Write your will too.

The point is though that she doesn't know the amount he has in stocks and shares. He could have that much and more than the OP.

Just sit on it for now OP. Don't make any rash decisions. It doesn't sound very fair where you have to pay the same amount on the mortgage when you earn less. Also because you're unsure about the relationship.

You are only 31 and the relationship has been rocky the last few years???

How many years have you wasted with this mean user?

6 years older than you and he insisted you pay 50/50 of costs going towards HIS children for years when you were paid a lot less?

He really targeted you.🙄

He wouldn't have what he has in stocks, shares etc., if he hadn't found a young naive people pleaser to house and pay towards his children.

And now you feel guilty about an inheritance and you are not even married.

Dear lord, typical mean man, they sniff out the ones that can be exploited.

I think the fact you don’t want to tell him speaks volumes about your relationship.

If you would be happy for him to keep this kind of information from you and would not be upset by it, then I think it is fine to keep it from him. If you would be upset or angry if he kept similar from you, then I think it would be somewhat hypocritical to do it to him. As you aren’t married, it changes nothing it you were to split as he has no right to your savings, just as you have no rights to his.

FWIW as you are not married, I think if you are to have a 50/50 share of the equity in the house, I think it is only fair that deposits, mortgage contribution and running costs are also split equally. I don’t view an insistence of equal shares in this case is unfair. Equally, you should not pay off the mortgage as that would not then be 50:50- unless he can and will match your contribution, in which case it is something to consider. I.e. if there is 120k on the mortgage, you put in your £60k and he matches it- all fair. I would not pay off £60k while he puts in nothing extra.

Though, as an aside, I do think if you feel that you cannot tell him about this situation I would say that says a lot about the state of your relationship and it is not a good sign. I think you need to discuss how you feel about the relationship and see if you can both agree to work on it, or you need to go your separate ways.

Nope, I wouldn't tell him.

Really think a out your relationship and what you want. Broach the subject of wills and get all of that sorted. As you are already tenants in common, this should be a bit easier.

Good luck.

I only had £20k until now as the deposit for the house are most of my savings.
Does this mean you HAD £20K in savings but it's been used for the house deposit? So now you have very little in savings while your partner has £40K in investments etc - that you know of, he might have more that he's not telling you about - so how has he managed to keep hold of far more than you while expecting you to go 50-50 with everything?

I think that because he has expected you to pay the same as him when you earned much less and he has two dependents that you also pay for, you should put this money away (in an ISA and Premium Bonds, say) and have a good long hard look at where your life is going.

No, it is not sneaky. Don't even think about telling him. My dh and dc have no idea of my separate bank a/c with quite a bit money in it. I earned it myself, nothing to do with dh. You never know what will happen in the future - nobody gives anyone any guarantees - think of yourself. His children are already going to benefit financially if you die before him - he must have thought about it and he surely bears it in mind. If he dies before you - you will need every penny of your own, because you know what will happen with his children and his inheritance? Don't even think about telling him.

Can you re-finance with the new money you have & split the amount giving you freedom to pay off however much you want

Also remember to invest some even if just a share fund like vanguard ect. in case you need it later

Good for you though putting yourself first

Tenancy in common is a form of joint property ownership where each owner has a separate share, which can be of equal or unequal sizes, and their share passes to their beneficiaries upon death as outlined in their will or through intestacy laws, not automatically to the other co-owners

It's a good thing you are tenants in common as it makes things easier if you split / one dies or other life-changing event. I think you should keep this 60k separate, doing what he's doing with his savings and crypto - have you seen the value of bitcoin today? One bitcoin is worth thousands and thousands, at least the equivalent of your inheritance, OP! So no need to feel guilty, and given that he made you pay 50/50 when you were earning much less than him, and now that your salary's gone up as well as the 50/50 expenses split you are also paying for holidays and gifts for his children, I think you can safely feel you are pulling your weight and a bit more in this relationship.

You aren’t married.
Keep it to yourself and don’t even mention it.
You could act quickly and use the current years ISA allowance for 20k if you can act in the next few days, literally this coming week.
Then another 20k into the new ISA the following week for the next tax year, then Premium Bonds - just as examples.

@Podgeys1 Hang on- so you think OP should have an equal share in the equity of the property without putting 50% in? Why?

If she wanted 50% of the equity, she had to put in 50% of the costs- deposit, mortgage and repairs/maintence costs. That’s just sensible and if the genders were reversed a woman would be told that in order to protect herself (and her children’s financial interests) that if she is not married to her partner, then her partner could only get 50% of the equity in the property (or value, in the case of outright ownership) if he paid 50% of all the costs. Same applies. The only thing that might be unfair is 50% of food/electricity bills because if his children are there sometimes, then they will bring additional costs with them. He should meet those. But I doubt 4 days a week extra food and lighting/heating etc amounts to a huge amount extra.

If they had agreed OP was to pay less, then she would been entitled to a smaller share of the equity. That might have been fairer, but perhaps OP didn’t want that?

Tell him nothing, tell nobody anything Get that money into an account that nobody but you can access.

I do see them as my family and want us to all benefit and have a secure future.

He doesn’t see it like that though.

Don’t put £60k into the mortgage, invest it and don’t tell him about it.

It’s right that his half of the house go to his kids, but it’s not up to you to put all your life savings into this.

Do you have a will?

No I wouldn’t keep it a secret, you both earn good money so it’s not like you have to use that money for anything right now. If you want to pay it off the mortgage , is there an option to ring fence it? So if you ever part ways, it comes back to you? He shouldn’t need to ask for any handouts seeing as he’s in a good financial position.

I am in a very happy, long marriage. My DH was very close to his DM. After we got married, my MIL gave me some advice - that no matter the circumstances, a woman should always have a separate savings pot. She called it “Running away money”. So that no woman should ever be financially obliged to stay in a relationship.

When she died, she left me and my SIL a sum of money just for us for our “pots”. Even though we are both happily married to her lovely sons.

I have never needed to touch that money but her advice was spot on. My “pot” will go towards my retirement.

Keep the money @jellytiptop Keep it quiet. Money gives you choices.

It sounds like your MIL was a wonderful woman.

Pop it in savings and keep quiet. Doesn’t sound a stable relationship so you may well need it.

Nope.

id be adding that 60k to the value in your shared home and seeing what I could buy on my own.

you have a (dishonest) business partner not a life partner there

I agree with PPs, no need to tell him you aren't married. I'd put it in a savings account and transfer 20k per year to a stocks and shares ISA over the next 3 years and leave it in there for the future.

In the original post: For context, we own a house together as tenants in common with both of us putting down equal deposits and splitting the mortgage and bills 50/50.

Therefore Op is entitled to 50% equity, no question.