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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister leaving us out

64 replies

LemonDuck223 · 30/03/2025 10:21

Don't know if i am being unreasonable but I feel a bit sad about it.

Dsis has invited our parents out for breakfast. Hasn't invited me and DS. We are quite a close family and last time we went for breakfast it was to that place and I was the one who arranged and made sure to invite everyone.
I'm a single parent and DS is still fairly young so can't treat me or take me out so we aren't really doing much.
So it's upsetting knowing they are all out whilst I'm sat at home with DS. I know people will say go out and enjoy yourself which I am going to head out in a bit but still doesn't detract from the fact dsis left me out.
Btw this isn't the first time and dsis and bil have form for leaving me out of things over the years. I just don't get it. I've really been there for dsis over a really tough month for her recently

OP posts:
ImmortalSnowman · 30/03/2025 11:02

Can't you see it as your mum does a lot for your sister and she's taking her out on Mother's Day as a treat and thank you for her help?

You say you don't make a fuss, but you are clearly jealous that your sister has a closer relationship with your mother because she does make the effort.

Your child is too young to so something for you, why haven't you arranged something special for you both to do? Single mums everywhere with young kids know they need to make the effort if they want a special Mother's Day.

Elizacat · 30/03/2025 11:02

Totally disagree with the majority of replies here. Perhaps other people’s family dynamics are strange but my siblings would always be invited to celebrate mum’s birthday, Mother’s Day etc together. If someone has multiple children it’s ridiculous and selfish to expect to monopolise a special day for a parent and potentially expect that parent to either not see their other children or do multiple outings in one day.

Personally I think Mother’s Day is nonsense and don’t put any importance on it but if your family does then I think it’s awful that you’ve been left out like that.

Original poster
LemonDuck223 · 30/03/2025 11:04

ImmortalSnowman · 30/03/2025 11:02

Can't you see it as your mum does a lot for your sister and she's taking her out on Mother's Day as a treat and thank you for her help?

You say you don't make a fuss, but you are clearly jealous that your sister has a closer relationship with your mother because she does make the effort.

Your child is too young to so something for you, why haven't you arranged something special for you both to do? Single mums everywhere with young kids know they need to make the effort if they want a special Mother's Day.

I wish i could explain the family dynamic. It's tough. My sister doesn't make an effort. She expects my dm to do everything for her and blackmails my mum emotionally if she doesn't do stuff. Eg. Silent treatment, not seeing grand kids. I obviously don't do that because well it's just not nice

OP posts:
ImmortalSnowman · 30/03/2025 11:04

AgnesX · 30/03/2025 10:58

It's the OPs mother as well....and being Mother's Day, they should have both arranged it or been invited.

Dsis has 364 other days of the year to see their mother on her own

Edited
Show quote history

There's nothing wrong with adult siblings taking turns to do something special for mothers day. Plenty of families don't have group mothers days.

ImmortalSnowman · 30/03/2025 11:06

LemonDuck223 · 30/03/2025 11:04

I wish i could explain the family dynamic. It's tough. My sister doesn't make an effort. She expects my dm to do everything for her and blackmails my mum emotionally if she doesn't do stuff. Eg. Silent treatment, not seeing grand kids. I obviously don't do that because well it's just not nice

Show quote history

Then you are being unreasonable to expect someone you think is selfish and not nice to include you.

Original poster
LemonDuck223 · 30/03/2025 11:10

I guess I'm also upset DM said yes to breakfast with Dsis and just kind of ignored me asking if she wanted to come out with us

OP posts:
entirelyunsure · 30/03/2025 11:12

OP, I totally get it! I’d be upset too.
EVERYONE on here would feel the same, despite not saying it. It’s a lack of consideration for your feelings. She’s your mum too. Totally understand.

entirelyunsure · 30/03/2025 11:13

LemonDuck223 · 30/03/2025 11:10

I guess I'm also upset DM said yes to breakfast with Dsis and just kind of ignored me asking if she wanted to come out with us

And I get that too. It feels like you’ve been blindsided. I would ask them both did they not think to invite you along?

Breakitdownplease · 30/03/2025 11:16

They sound a bit toxic and enmeshed in each others lives. Fuck them. Go and have a lovely beach walk with your son and celebrate being his mum. Treat yourself with whatever you fancy/can afford. A bunch of daffodils, a new book for later, a takeaway so you don't have to cook. The day is yours to do as you please. Happy mother's day 💐

commutemovequeries · 30/03/2025 11:21

The majority of replies here are just unkind. My sis and I would always ask/check if the other one had plans and everyone would automatically be invited if they could come, and we’re not local. If my sis were a single mum I would make sure she was appreciated today as well as my mum and would make sure she wasn’t left out. If I were your mum and had two grown up daughters I would make sure things were fair before agreeing to plans. It’s not unreasonable to feel hurt by this. I hope you get out for a nice day with your LO and can forget about it. Won’t be long until you’re getting homemade cards and ‘breakfast’ in bed.

pictoosh · 30/03/2025 11:22

I think it would have been nice of your sister to include you for Mothers Day.
From what you say it sounds as though her drama calls the shots, which is a shame. Very frustrating for you to see and feel sidelined by.

I don't give a toss about Mothers Day really but I think I'd be hurt by this.

saraclara · 30/03/2025 11:26

LemonDuck223 · 30/03/2025 11:10

I guess I'm also upset DM said yes to breakfast with Dsis and just kind of ignored me asking if she wanted to come out with us

Yes, I'm not sure why you're focusing on being angry with you sister today, rather than your mother.

TryForSpring · 30/03/2025 11:31

You've had some clueless and nasty replies, OP. I'm sorry. It does sound miserable of your sister, and of your parents. They, especially your mum, could have said 'let's include Lemon as it's Mother's Day'.

If you have difficult family dynamics there's little to be gained by posting on AIBU about it. Mainly bored people waiting to have a go.

Take this as an indicator to not provide so much support for your sister. Focus on creating more positive connections for yourself.

Theunamedcat · 30/03/2025 11:41

From unfortunate experience you will get used to this my mom is like this with my sister to the degree my mother used to take my daughter for the afternoon (to "give me a break") and have these gatherings with MY daughter I was never invited my sister was my aunt was cross with ME about me never attending and was mortified when she discovered I wasn't invited I knew nothing about it so i got one pity invite told I was too much trouble and too difficult (I told my daughter off for misbehaving and I bought my own food because I have a food intolerance) she never invited me again and stopped the gatherings blaming me for it

My mom gets a bunch of flowers delivered by courier now but she won't post it on Facebook unless my sister had bought her something 🤷‍♀️ so I'm guessing I will get a message soon from my aunt about forgetting mothers day I spent loads on her flowers next year I'm sending a card

unbelieveable22 · 30/03/2025 12:03

Some of the responses are nasty. Your sister seems to enjoy having the power to control your mother and hurting you in the process. Unless your mother can challenge her this will continue.
Rise above it and go out with your son and enjoy yourselves. Think about your relationships with family going forward. Do what is less stressful for you and your son. He will realise sooner rather than later that his cousins are treated differently to him. Protect him from that. Happy Mother's Day 💐

Justgoingforaweeliedown · 30/03/2025 12:20

Hi OP. I understand. We're a close family and tend to acknowledge most "events" together. On mother's day, I typically ask my sister what she's thinking before arranging with my mum then we come up with a plan. Sometimes she does things with her husband and pops into my mum after and sometimes we agree to go out together. It's perfectly fine for your sister to see your mum alone but I think when that's not the usual dynamic and you're generally quite a close family, I can understand why it'd be upsetting to be left out when it's just the two of you. I'd find it difficult if I asked my mum or sister what they wanted to do only to be told we're doing X together. You and your son should do something lovely and enjoy your day together.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 30/03/2025 12:54

@LemonDuck223 Perhaps I have displaced anger because my mum sees Dsis every single day. She helps with her kids etc. Where as I'm a single parent and receive no help and hardly see DM even though we don't live far apart. I understand now. she is the golden child so whatever she wants to do will always take priority with your mum. sorry. xx

user1492757084 · 30/03/2025 13:07

Phone and ask DM over for pancakes for lunch.
Pick her up.

Help your son make them for you three.
Teach your child how to make a really good pot of tea.
Set the table, including some flowers from the garden, and present your mother with a card.

Plan to play a card game or board game or watch a funny movie together.

I don't see how you can't improve your Mothers' Day.
Your DS was a bit thoughtless but you live close by so do your own thing.

TryForSpring · 30/03/2025 14:20

user1492757084 · 30/03/2025 13:07

Phone and ask DM over for pancakes for lunch.
Pick her up.

Help your son make them for you three.
Teach your child how to make a really good pot of tea.
Set the table, including some flowers from the garden, and present your mother with a card.

Plan to play a card game or board game or watch a funny movie together.

I don't see how you can't improve your Mothers' Day.
Your DS was a bit thoughtless but you live close by so do your own thing.

OP's much earlier explanation makes your post redundant:

"I did invite her out for chips and a beach walk and she said she didn't know as she had already been invited to breakfast."

WellsAndThistles · 30/03/2025 14:27

Do you have form for not paying your fair share of the bill when you go out together or is your child badly behaved?

lizzyBennet08 · 30/03/2025 14:27

Honestly I think you’re over thinking this. Your sister is treating her mom for Mother’s Day. It sounds like she got in before you so you mom had prior plans when you asked to meet up. Maybe it’s the back story but I don’t think anyone here has been unreasonable .

Cognacsoft · 30/03/2025 14:30

WellsAndThistles · 30/03/2025 14:27

Do you have form for not paying your fair share of the bill when you go out together or is your child badly behaved?

Can you not read op's comments?
Something wrong with your phone?

Cognacsoft · 30/03/2025 14:38

LemonDuck223 · 30/03/2025 11:10

I guess I'm also upset DM said yes to breakfast with Dsis and just kind of ignored me asking if she wanted to come out with us

I'd be upset too.
I can't imagine treating my 2 dc differently.
Spoil yourself op and just think fuck them.

TryForSpring · 30/03/2025 15:03

WellsAndThistles · 30/03/2025 14:27

Do you have form for not paying your fair share of the bill when you go out together or is your child badly behaved?

Do you have form for being a small-minded prick on AIBU?

HundredPercentUnsure · 30/03/2025 16:20

AgnesX · 30/03/2025 10:58

It's the OPs mother as well....and being Mother's Day, they should have both arranged it or been invited.

Dsis has 364 other days of the year to see their mother on her own

Edited
Show quote history

And OP has 364 days to better prepare a gift for next year's Mother's day, also. And 364 days to communicate better their expectations to be involved if ever DSis has the audacity to treat their mother again.

🙄

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