To think beige kids dinners are fine?

[reachermarry]

Scrolling FB today and seen a video come up from a mum of 2 and what she gave her kids for good during the day.

cereal for breakfast with option of fruit/veg

picky bits for lunch, on this occasion included a sandwich, Dairylea dunkers, a pack of fridge raiders, banana, an angel cake slice.

for dinner the child had, fish fingers, chips, peas.

for pudding was given a fromage frais and a mini Maryland bag of cookies.

Now I am not sure how old the child was as there was no mention, but the comments were horrendous, comments were saying how she should be done for neglect because of the ultra processed food she’s feeding her kid.

What’s your views on it?

I’ll start, I see nothing wrong with this diet, maybe breakfast could be a little more filling, perhaps an option of something else on the side, but that’s just my child, I know some kids don’t like big brekkies.

I can’t be the only one especially growing up in the lower/working class families, that had a diet consisting of quick save chips, and pizza/sausages surely?

If you read my initial post though you’ll see, she doesn’t have it everyday. She is given free choice as long as a fair amount of dinner has been eaten and will often pick out a Greek yogurt or a piece of fruit, will never say no to an ice lolly though

. But as this is Mumsnet I suppose an ice lolly is only okay if they’re homemade with soya milk and/or freshly squeezed fruit juice. But then no, because fruit juice causes damage to teeth the same amount as a pack of skittles.

weird world we live in, and an even weirder world on Mumsnet.

I said if she asked I wouldn’t mind, and not that I feel the need to justify my parenting on my child, but my child’s weight is fine, and only issue with teeth was when she fell at a playground and chipped her front tooth. But I appreciate your comment 👍🏼

But for now I’ll continue to raise my child the way I deem suitable, even if you think my approach is wrong.

I’ve never had any issues with any professionals thinking the way she is raised is an issue, so I think I’ll leave taking opinions from an anonymous poster online.

editing to also add - we do eat healthily, especially lunch and dinner. Dinner in usually a meat with a carb and veg.

aside from once a week where we have a treat day, usually because we have a busy weekend with days outs as that’s our family time, but if she says in 20 years she’s overweight because of the fully nutritional meals she’d fed but the odd twix after dinner really slammed her childhood, and gave her a bad relationship with food, I’ll deal with it then.

sunnysidedown.

reachermarys approach is actually proven by numerous studies to be correct. Children who are told some food is ‘good’ some is ‘bad’ and especially around limiting and demonising sweets are more likely to have issues with food later on in life including obesity and anorexia etc. we also know the ‘clean your plate’ club for children has a direct link to eating issues for adults.

I agree wholeheartedly with reachermary approach.

Well I’m sure you mum parented you in the way she saw fit too and now you blame her for you over consuming sweet things!

Of course we all parent our children in our own ways and as we see fit, but with an obesity and diabetes endemic affecting so many people, you would be wise to educate her on what foods are healthy and unhealthy and what a balanced diet looks like. At the moment, she is being taught that she can have chocolate and sweets whenever she wants at the end of the day - sorry but we’ll have to agree to disagree. Hearing “no” sometimes is a good thing.

Sunny I don’t think you understand, and maybe I haven’t gone into the full backstory, but I blame my mother because she refused us sweets and would tell us we’d get fat and be ugly because of it.

So yeah, I do and will continue to blame her, because that’s shit parenting to convince your children if they have a chocolate bar, they will be overweight and ugly to the world. Which caused us to be scared of these food products, until we got older and then over consumed such products.

my child hears the word no, when she asks for other things.
she also hears no if she requests a sweet treat but she hasn’t ate her dinner.
hearing no is a good thing, but I also won’t refuse her a food item, and I certainly will not allow Mumsnet to make me feel like I’m wrong for doing so

It’s not agree to disagree because honestly I don’t care for your opinion on the way I’m raising my child, if you parent your children another way, then that’s great! for you.

editing

Just wanted to add, she also does know what “ healthy “ is, but this isn’t by separating food into different categories, in my opinion there isn’t good and bad food, there’s food. If you have too much of anything it is bad, water, protein, fibre. You have a balanced diet of everything, including sugar. And this is what I have and will continue to teach my daughter. Not by teaching her “ this is good “ and “ this is bad “. I find it hard to believe that this is viewed as an acceptable way to teach our next generation how to view food. Diabetes and obesity is on the rise, but please don’t forget about other eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia, which is caused by under consumption. And the negativity towards food also goes hand in hand with those disorders too.

Thank you! There isn’t a right or wrong in this situation, I think people will continue to do so how they like, but as someone who suffered with the “ this is good “ “ this is bad “ style of parenting, I knew immediately it would be something I didn’t do with my child.

And many people forget about anorexia and bulimia! Eating disorders that stem from that style of parenting. Of course not every case is down to this, but it doesn’t help.

And also you’re wrong, she’s taught that after a fully nutritional meal if she’s ate a substantial amount she’s aloud to indulge in a sweet treat.

Anorexia and under-eating disorders are absolutely not rising in the same way as obesity and associated diseases are.

Diabetes is a cruel disease. Having to take insulin daily alongside a multitude of other medications. Losing eyesight. Foot health issues at the extreme having to have extremities amputated. The mood issues it creates with unbalanced blood sugar levels. Mobility issues. Risk of falls, heart attacks, strokes.

Some foods ARE bad. Chocolate is definitely bad. There’s no nutritional value at all, it’s purely a treat to eat on occasion.

You could eat unlimited pulses and vegetables and remain healthy. They ARE healthy and good foods to consume or over consume.

To deny these things just comes across as denial to me.

Look, we live in a society where diet is typically shit. I certainly don’t eat the healthiest I could. But don’t pretend that offering your child chocolate every evening (if wanted) is positive, it isn’t. And I stand firm in believing that the only way out of the obesity epidemic, which is vital to our future, is to educate kids around what is and isn’t healthy and model that in childhood. Minimal UPF. Minimal sugar and sweeteners. More whole foods. More freshly cooked food. Alongside more exercise.

Anyway, your OP was about thinking someone’s ridiculous for highlighting a poor diet. And, in my view (which is what AIBU is about) YABU. She was right to say it wasn’t healthy.

Ok sunny, you’re absolutely correct, I’m in denial, over what I don’t know but sure! 😂

I never said they was rising, I said they was still around.

Listen you seem to be the kind of person who always has to be right, so for the sake of not getting the you’ve been quoted notifications, we will “ agree to disagree “

I disagree that there are good and bad foods, dark chocolate has a range of benefits outside the deliciousness.

But you continue to do you, I’ll continue to do me. And so far in my years of being a mother I’m yet to hear off a professional ( someone not behind a keyboard on Mumsnet ) that my way of parenting is so outrageous my child is guaranteed to grow up and slam my parenting because she was aloud a Twix bar 🫣

also may I add, kids who are taught they can NEVER have these food items will most definitely grow to an age where they want a McDonald’s, or a milkshake, or maybe even bring home a terrifying bag of haribos.

Atleast this way I’m teaching my girl what the food items are and when it’s okay to treat yourself to one, without her thinking that one chocolate bar will mess up her whole diet.

funnily enough this post was only meant to be about the video I seen, and I just think parenting is so hard enough without the criticism. Oh no sorry, the “ helpful advice “ 😂

that’s enough Mumsnet for today.

I’ve actually found this whole interaction a waste of time considering I’ve had a 9 pack of mars bars in the cupboard from Christmas.

That’s how long they’ve been in there untouched.

just to add a little fuel to the “ eats chocolate every day “ argument.

Just because it’s offered, doesn’t mean it’s taken. And that’s on BALANCE.

The problem is, the food in the OP was not balanced. You seem to be very defensive, and that's fine - we all have our hang-ups when it comes to parenting because none of us do it perfectly.

funnily enough this post was only meant to be about the video I seen, and I just think parenting is so hard enough without the criticism. Oh no sorry, the “ helpful advice “
Posting these things online is to invite opinions, though, from all sides, but also those qualified in health and nutrition. That food was not nutritious enough, and that is a fact. This isn't about hang-ups about one chocolate bar, but an entire diet that, if representative, will cause health issues.

No I appreciate that! but the OP wasn’t my child’s diet, it was a diet I’d seen posted online! :)

I am only defending my own parenting, which I should not need to do in the first place. Because I shouldn’t need to justify parenting which is working for me and my family.

all I said, was as a one off day, which is all I can see online I can’t see what this child eats the other 6 days a week, I wouldn’t say this warranted the child neglect comments. That’s all I said, as parenting is hard enough, and you said perfectly, nobody is perfect when it comes to parenting a child. There will always be areas of parenting I think I need to improve on, the same for everyone.

However my defensive side comes out when it comes to someone telling me I’m putting my child’s heart, teeth and weight at risk, none of which so far have had any issues, because she is allowed the OPTION of a chocolate bar, I think it’s ridiculous. And I will go down on the hill stating chocolate isn’t the issue, it’s over consumption AND under consumption of certain food products that cause unhealthy habits.

People who believe that kind of diet is neglect/abuse have never seen real neglect/abuse. It's actually shocking how people call it that.

No, it's not the best at all but the child's fed and cared for. Not being starved, made to eat dog food or beaten. That is abuse!

This is exactly my point! 🙏🏼

You shouldn't be using poor examples as the bar that should be set.

Otherwise you're essentially saying something like;

• it's ok to smack my kids, because some people beat theirs with sticks.

• It's fine for my to drive at 40mph through a 30, because some people do 50mph

• It's okay for me to steal someone's phone, because other people steal cars...

• It's fine for me to give my kids sugary cereals, highly processed foods, chips and biscuits every day all day, because some people make their kids eat dirt...

I’d get rid of Dairylea Dunkers and Fridge Raiders. Processed rubbish.

The rest is ok but needs more fruit and veg with dinner.

It's really unhelpful to assign moral value to food, and experts don't recommend doing it.

Some people really do have a natural sweet tooth and others don't. I've seen this in kids raised in the same family. The tendency to enjoy sweets is probably more common than not. It's also noted that kids from families where parents are militant about food have a tendency to go wild when not under supervision.

It's really quite ridiculous isn't it?
To me this diet is fine, mostly. But then I was brought up with this sort of food.

Your bar should be higher.

A small child eating sugar cereal, cakes, cookies, highly processed meats and sugary yoghurt in one day, and that is a normal day is not fine.

Children should have that amount seen in one day spread over a week...

You wouldn’t tell someone “I was slapped as a child so it’s fine” so why “I ate crap food so it’s fine “ - illogical especially as we understand way more about the importance of good food and diet - healthy weight, significantly reducing chances of all sorts of illnesses including cancer and diabetes

I know poor quality food is cheaper / easier but please where you can give a healthy diet with lots of fresh veggies and not much heavily processed food or simple sugars - it’s a gift of health for your child

Well so are the packet of mini cookies, fromage frais, and the angel slice cake !

I’ve followed and contributed to this post. There is nothing that has been said that has changed my mind that the the items in the pack lunch are a shit excuse for food and are actually detrimental to a person’s health in the long run.
I agree with you @wherearemypastnames that giving your kids good food it is a gift that will hopefully have so many benefits.