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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unfair to DD’s

48 replies

georgeorus · 29/03/2025 21:42

Dd2s best friend is our friends daughter, we know her well and they are both sensible together. It’s no extra bother to have her friend over.

Dd1 has had all sorts of friendship issues, all partly her fault. She doesn’t have a best friend that she hasn’t had some sort of fall out with in the last year, we also don’t know any of her friends or their parents that well. It’s extra stress to have any of her friends over and wouldn’t trust her to be behave.

Is it reasonable to invite dd2s friend on weekend trip but not let dd1 invite a friend?

OP posts:
autisticbookworm · 29/03/2025 21:44

Is dd1 going to end up left out and upset? Is it worth it.

amy85 · 29/03/2025 21:48

Yabu

purpleme12 · 29/03/2025 21:49

Of course it's not reasonable

Bex5490 · 29/03/2025 21:54

I can’t see how it would be of any benefit to you? Is DD2 begging for her to come?

I guess it depends if DD1 gets on with DD2’s friend.

Would DD2 be less likely to spend time with her sister if her friend comes?

BallerinaRadio · 29/03/2025 21:58

I hope DD1 doesn't pick up on the vibes you give off here that she's to blame and is much more of a nuisance compared to 'sensible' DD2

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 29/03/2025 22:04

If dd1 is left out yes, if the three girls hang out and are getting along well then no

GenderFluid90 · 29/03/2025 22:07

If DD1 Is left out yes yabu. Also I'm not sure if you mean it but here's hints of DD2 being the golden child already

Eenameenadeeka · 29/03/2025 22:08

If DD1 is struggling so much with friendship, it might be nicer to do the trip just as a family and hopefully the sisters enjoy things together. If DD2 brings a friend, her sister might be left out, and if she's struggling with friends then it would be nice for her to not also be left out on her own family trip.

Hankunamatata · 29/03/2025 22:11

Won't dd2 be left out?

Original poster
georgeorus · 29/03/2025 22:12

Dd2 has been invited away with friends family later in the year so we would like to take her away with us too.

OP posts:
iseenyouwithkefir · 29/03/2025 22:14

I thought you were going to ask if it's Ok to let your DD2 have her best friend stay, perhaps for a sleepover, when you don't allow DD1 to have a random, unknown friend stay. In that case I'd say yes, it's OK - but stress that the issue is how well you know the friend, not whose friend it is.

For going away as a family - I'd say just go, no one brings a friend. Don't even bring up the possibility. If you've allowed them to bring friends on similar trips in the past, just say this is a special family trip/just "us" this time.

Original poster
georgeorus · 29/03/2025 22:15

Dd2 and friend would include dd1 if she wanted to be. They all got on well when younger.

OP posts:
Barrenfieldoffucks · 29/03/2025 22:16

No, of course that isn’t fair. One or none.

Tarantella6 · 29/03/2025 22:17

It would really highlight to dd1 how she doesn't have a friend like that, in the unlikely event she doesn't already compare herself unfavourably to her sister, you would be rubbing her nose in it.

purpleme12 · 29/03/2025 22:18

It just sounds like you know it's wrong but you're trying to talk yourself into the reasons to do it

Bex5490 · 29/03/2025 22:19

georgeorus · 29/03/2025 22:12

Dd2 has been invited away with friends family later in the year so we would like to take her away with us too.

So you’re kind of inviting to be fair to your friend as they took your DD2 away with them…

I get it, but I’d prioritise DD1 (even if she is difficult) over your friend and their daughter.

GenderFluid90 · 29/03/2025 22:22

georgeorus · 29/03/2025 22:12

Dd2 has been invited away with friends family later in the year so we would like to take her away with us too.

Problem is DD1 won't see it as returning a favour to a friend, she'll see it as her being left out.

Cherriescherry · 29/03/2025 22:24

georgeorus · 29/03/2025 22:12

Dd2 has been invited away with friends family later in the year so we would like to take her away with us too.

You are prioritising this other girl over your own daughter. Your daughter will feel like the third wheel and she won’t enjoy her holiday. Your posts keep putting your eldest daughter down. It’s clear that your youngest daughter is your favourite.

Dragonsandcats · 29/03/2025 22:30

That’s not fair. I feel sorry for your DD making her the odd one out.

Haveyoubrushedyourteeth · 29/03/2025 22:31

What age are they OP? I could see it working in our house if it meant that one Dd had one to one time with me, while the other was doing stuff with her friend.

One of ours would find it difficult to host a friend for a whole weekend though so would highly likely pick mum time as a better option. I would still give her the option mind you, it might help her cement better friendships going forward if someone went away with her?

minipie · 29/03/2025 22:33

I’m sure the other family didn’t invite your DD expecting a reciprocal invite. You don’t need to feel obliged to reciprocate especially given it will seem unfair to your DD1 and/or rub her nose in the friendship disparity with her sister.

BCSurvivor · 29/03/2025 22:35

georgeorus · 29/03/2025 22:15

Dd2 and friend would include dd1 if she wanted to be. They all got on well when younger.

"When they were younger"
But not now.
Of course you're being unreasonable to invite a friend for DD2 but not for DD1.

caringcarer · 29/03/2025 22:38

purpleme12 · 29/03/2025 22:18

It just sounds like you know it's wrong but you're trying to talk yourself into the reasons to do it

I thought exactly this too.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 29/03/2025 22:40

YABU. You should treat your daughters the same. Either they each get to bring a friend or neither does.

Endofyear · 29/03/2025 22:43

No it's not fair. Either let both DDs bring a friend or just go as a family. What are you doing to help DD1 get along better with friends?