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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for some perspective re: toddlers ?

41 replies

Spacesea · 29/03/2025 19:19

Can anyone tell me what is "normal" for a 2.5 yr old little boy in terms of attention span / sitting still / behaving / etc walking etc?

Had a rubbish day today - we went to a play area which in hindsight was too far, over 1 hour involving train + bus, and without a buggy.
He was possibly a bit overwhelmed (lots of older kids), definitely overtired and also very hungry, but too excited to go to the cafe so while we waited for the food at the counter (didn't help they cocked up our order and it took ages) he kept running off and then whinging when I chased him and brought him back (was an outdoors setting). When we finally sat down, a man at the next table said to me "oh he's hard work isn't he" (and not in a jokey way) and I thought not really, he's 2!! (well 2.5)
Made me feel like absolute 💩
He was then really whingy on the way back (again train + bus and no buggy), refusing to walk and not wanting to sit down, then protesting when I held him and carried him but he was so, so knackered he fell asleep on the sofa within minutes once we got home. We had been out of the house for over 6 hours at that point. Was just a nightmare journey and felt like everyone was judging, it doesn't help that he looks at least a year older than he is.

The no buggy thing is because he isn't a fan of sitting in it. We do encourage the walking but man alive, it's like herding a drunken cat, lots of zigzag and back and forth and running etc - again is this normal ?
Are 2.5 yr olds meant to walk nicely in a straight line or do I live in coo coo land or is my child a menace ?

OP posts:
shellyleppard · 29/03/2025 19:23

I used to take the buggy for when my sons got tired. It is difficult with toddlers some days x

ADHDHDHDHD · 29/03/2025 19:26

Definitely take a pram next time! Totally normal behaviour I think. Don’t stress.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 29/03/2025 19:26

I think your plan was a little ambitious? My 5yo still wouldn't easily walk more than a mile, and would get tired at a walk, plus a bus/train ride and a play park in the middle of doing it all again.

Will he sit in the pram for shorter journeys? Can you stick him in a carrier?
Can you drive somewhere with him?

Young ones are difficult, what you describe isn't too beyond realms of normal. SEN aside, now is the critical time to introduce to him that he needs to listen, sit in a pram/sit through lunch, and generally do what he's told (in a nice and age appropriate way ofc!!)

EcruCardigan · 29/03/2025 19:27

It's normal, as is the unhelpful random man comment. Take the buggy next time.

Newtess · 29/03/2025 19:30

Mine had a backpack with reins on until 4. They wouldn't walk nicely or sit patiently until much older. I'd take a buggy for a day out.

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 29/03/2025 19:33

How about a trike or scooter with a seat, with a steering handle, if he really kicks off about the buggy? I bet you can get some clever folding ones these days.

Original poster
Spacesea · 29/03/2025 19:33

We've done lots of stuff with him that maybe wasn't appropriate for his age (some by choice, some out of necessity as no childcare), such as adult type socialising, lots of travelling mainly - long haul, city breaks (again no buggy), most of the times he's been good, sometimes it's been hard work but then what toddler isn't, it always gets to me as I feel I'm being judged and everyone is staring at my child being upset or misbehaving or needing entertainment when everyone else seems to have their parenting act together but my husband always says it's because he is so much younger than the average kid you see in those particular settings.

For example he is good in restaurants as long as we bring a colouring book or a sticker book or something like that, but in all honesty he wouldn't sit still for a whole longish restaurant type meal by just making conversation (fine for a quick cafe type one)
I mean would a child that age be expected to ?
We would never use a phone / tablet etc.

No SEN concerns, he's an extremely happy and sociable little boy.

Thanks if you've made it so far, just questioning everything atm, having a little cry and feeling like a rubbish mum.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 29/03/2025 19:36

He sounds pretty normal.

I think you might need to review your expectations and maybe plan to his level a little more.

sunshineclub · 29/03/2025 19:37

The journey sounds tough with an active 2 year old. I would ignore comments and just try keep things simple next time.

Yotoyoto · 29/03/2025 19:37

Honestly I’m amazed you even attempted that. My youngest is currently 2.5, a boy. I thought he is extremely easy / generally very chilled but there isn’t a chance in hell i would have attempted a day like that.

my eldest I couldn’t do anything with until she was nearly 4, literally nothing, it was always a disaster whether it was car/ pram/ bike/ scooter within 15 minutes.

AirFryerCrumpet · 29/03/2025 19:39

Sounds normal, 2 is too little for a day trip with no buggy. You need somewhere to contain and for them to rest.

throughablackberrybush · 29/03/2025 19:41

Thing with taking the buggy is that it’s hard to hold onto the buggy and a child if they hare off … would he go in one of those backpack things?

It sounds like an off day more than anything @Spacesea , it isn’t helpful when people comment like that. Sorry if made you feel rubbish Flowers

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/03/2025 19:42

Sounds normal. We stopped using a pushchair for DS at 18 months, longer trips were definitely tricky at first but it paid off eventually.

Seawolves · 29/03/2025 19:46

You're not a rubbish mum, he's just 2. It's what 2 and 3 year olds do.

claudiawinklemansfringetrimmer · 29/03/2025 19:47

Sounds totally normal!

BusMumsHoliday · 29/03/2025 19:49

Spacesea · 29/03/2025 19:33

We've done lots of stuff with him that maybe wasn't appropriate for his age (some by choice, some out of necessity as no childcare), such as adult type socialising, lots of travelling mainly - long haul, city breaks (again no buggy), most of the times he's been good, sometimes it's been hard work but then what toddler isn't, it always gets to me as I feel I'm being judged and everyone is staring at my child being upset or misbehaving or needing entertainment when everyone else seems to have their parenting act together but my husband always says it's because he is so much younger than the average kid you see in those particular settings.

For example he is good in restaurants as long as we bring a colouring book or a sticker book or something like that, but in all honesty he wouldn't sit still for a whole longish restaurant type meal by just making conversation (fine for a quick cafe type one)
I mean would a child that age be expected to ?
We would never use a phone / tablet etc.

No SEN concerns, he's an extremely happy and sociable little boy.

Thanks if you've made it so far, just questioning everything atm, having a little cry and feeling like a rubbish mum.

Edited

Your expectations are wildly high. Almost no 2.5 year old will sit for a whole restaurant meal with conversation alone. A lot of 5 year olds wouldn't. It sounds like your son is actually easier than most!

All young children are always whingy on the way back from days out. They are tired. The fun is over. Journeys home are the worst part, which is why I got used to leaving a little earlier than I might have done when they still seemed to be having fun, because if you wait until they are tired, it's awful.

"He looks like hard work," "got your handsful there," "here comes trouble" etc etc are just things people say to make conversation. They are usually sympathetic expressions. I don't think people are judging you half as much as you think, unless you're taking your child into reality inappropriate places.

Fridgetapas · 29/03/2025 19:49

Awww sounds like he did very well for such a big day. 2.5 is so little.
I would have done the day when mine was 2.5 but would have: taken a packed lunch for instant food rather than expecting him to sit down nicely for a longish time and let him have an afternoon snooze/rest in a buggy on the journey back.

jjeoreo · 29/03/2025 19:54

Spacesea · 29/03/2025 19:33

We've done lots of stuff with him that maybe wasn't appropriate for his age (some by choice, some out of necessity as no childcare), such as adult type socialising, lots of travelling mainly - long haul, city breaks (again no buggy), most of the times he's been good, sometimes it's been hard work but then what toddler isn't, it always gets to me as I feel I'm being judged and everyone is staring at my child being upset or misbehaving or needing entertainment when everyone else seems to have their parenting act together but my husband always says it's because he is so much younger than the average kid you see in those particular settings.

For example he is good in restaurants as long as we bring a colouring book or a sticker book or something like that, but in all honesty he wouldn't sit still for a whole longish restaurant type meal by just making conversation (fine for a quick cafe type one)
I mean would a child that age be expected to ?
We would never use a phone / tablet etc.

No SEN concerns, he's an extremely happy and sociable little boy.

Thanks if you've made it so far, just questioning everything atm, having a little cry and feeling like a rubbish mum.

Edited

Don't cry! Sounds like it was a lovely day, your two year old was just a two year old. So not lovely at all! My son whinged about walking until he was about 5 (yes, I got comments), but would scream the place down if it put him in a buggy. I remember one city break where, despite being strapped in, he managed to get himself practically horizontal to the ground, screaming in rage. I said "you've got to sit in the buggy!!" And a passerby said "I think you'll find he doesn't!". Oh, the memories

takealettermsjones · 29/03/2025 20:04

I also think he sounds very normal and I'd revise day out expectations! I have certainly gone out without a buggy with my kids at that age, and I do now with my 1.5 year old, but if there's no buggy then it's 2 hours, maybe 2.5... not on your nelly am I going out all day with a toddler and no buggy/carrier!

Also - snacks. All the snacks. 😂

Goldbar · 29/03/2025 20:12

Sometimes things work out with kids, sometimes they don't.

I took my two to the playground after collecting the older one yesterday, it's 10 minutes from our house so hardly an ambitious trip and they both usually love it and I get to relax a bit. This time, toddler screamed their head off because they'd chosen to bring the balance bike not a scooter like DC1. Then DC2 was inconsolable because DC1 had a football and was playing with some other children and wouldn't "share". DC2 had their own rainbow-coloured ball but "not want that one, want the white one" 🙄. Then the ice cream van arrived and I refused to buy ice-creams (we had leftover birthday cake at home) and that sent DC2 into full-on tantrum mode. In the end, I had to grab poor DC1, who was happily running about with a bunch of other kids, and cut the trip short. DC1 asked if we could "trade" DC2 on the way home 😂.

FluffletheMeow · 29/03/2025 20:14

All sounds so normal, I might have done that day with when mine was 2.5 and it might have gone as you describe. 2 year olds don't walk in a straight line. I bring toys and crayons to eat out. (Really recommend crayons).

The pushchair was such a pain, and mostly unnecessary but sometimes I'd wind up carrying him.

People can be so sour and judgemental, especially if you're having an off day, but screw them you've gotta go do things. And for every man who feels the need to say 'he's a handful', there's a lovely person who'll help where they can.

Well done op, you've got this.

takealettermsjones · 29/03/2025 20:19

FluffletheMeow · 29/03/2025 20:14

All sounds so normal, I might have done that day with when mine was 2.5 and it might have gone as you describe. 2 year olds don't walk in a straight line. I bring toys and crayons to eat out. (Really recommend crayons).

The pushchair was such a pain, and mostly unnecessary but sometimes I'd wind up carrying him.

People can be so sour and judgemental, especially if you're having an off day, but screw them you've gotta go do things. And for every man who feels the need to say 'he's a handful', there's a lovely person who'll help where they can.

Well done op, you've got this.

Misread that as "I bring ... crayons to eat" 😂

FluffletheMeow · 29/03/2025 20:21

takealettermsjones · 29/03/2025 20:19

Misread that as "I bring ... crayons to eat" 😂

Show quote history

Yum 😋 🤣

hereseter · 29/03/2025 20:24

Would never have considered doing a trip like that without a buggy. We have long trips out and travel far from home with lots of walking all day, but the buggy is always there as a backup.
I rarely take mine to eat out, it's easier to have picnic lunches in a park. She grazes, runs off to play for a bit, comes back for food, we're fenced in so I don't.need to run after her.
For trips out we go to child-focused places, so there is always plenty to do that they can touch and explore and they are free to behave as a toddler.

Endofyear · 29/03/2025 20:37

He sounds like a totally normal 2 year old! I do think you were a bit ambitious to do that trip without a buggy, it's a long tiring day for a little one. Don't beat yourself up, we all have good and bad days with small kids! You sound like a lovely mum not a rubbish one 💐