To ask for some perspective re: toddlers ?

[Spacesea]

Can anyone tell me what is "normal" for a 2.5 yr old little boy in terms of attention span / sitting still / behaving / etc walking etc?

Had a rubbish day today - we went to a play area which in hindsight was too far, over 1 hour involving train + bus, and without a buggy.
He was possibly a bit overwhelmed (lots of older kids), definitely overtired and also very hungry, but too excited to go to the cafe so while we waited for the food at the counter (didn't help they cocked up our order and it took ages) he kept running off and then whinging when I chased him and brought him back (was an outdoors setting). When we finally sat down, a man at the next table said to me "oh he's hard work isn't he" (and not in a jokey way) and I thought not really, he's 2!! (well 2.5)
Made me feel like absolute 💩
He was then really whingy on the way back (again train + bus and no buggy), refusing to walk and not wanting to sit down, then protesting when I held him and carried him but he was so, so knackered he fell asleep on the sofa within minutes once we got home. We had been out of the house for over 6 hours at that point. Was just a nightmare journey and felt like everyone was judging, it doesn't help that he looks at least a year older than he is.

The no buggy thing is because he isn't a fan of sitting in it. We do encourage the walking but man alive, it's like herding a drunken cat, lots of zigzag and back and forth and running etc - again is this normal ?
Are 2.5 yr olds meant to walk nicely in a straight line or do I live in coo coo land or is my child a menace ?

We have a buggy with a buggy board on the back which a toddler can sit or stand on, perhaps that might help as then he has alternatives to being strapped in but he's within your control. My 2 year old is currently an absolute nightmare so I feel your pain.

I would try getting one of those trikes with parents handles as then he can feel in control but you can still push him along. Some of their little outbursts can be to do with being in control and having choices.

My daughter is what my mum terms a “runner” so I had to use parent reigns - I got my daughter a colourful little backpack with reigns attached and would put some of her tiny teddies or duplo figures in it and she could then play with them in the cafe. We also tend to bring colouring books and sticker books. She is 3.5 now and still loves having a bag with her that she can pack and unpack. Important to get a bag he loves so he won’t object to wearing it.

Another great trick an air hostess gave me one time is to put their snacks into tiny little containers as they will spend ages arranging their snacks and putting them in and out of different pots - would also work with a snackbox with several compartments.

Unfortunately they stay in the difficult stage for ages - I am still waiting for mine to outgrow it and some days feel completely defeated. If I collect her from nursery with just the scooter a 15minute walk can take an hour with demands to stop to look at squirrels, tantrums because she wants to go to a shop or cafe, wanting to go to the playground etc… I usually end up carrying the scooter at least half the time. She hates when I bring the buggy and just whizz home and has proper strops when I drive.

Mine is definitely capable of managing a day like that with beautiful behaviour but whether he will or not seems to be a function of what he had for tea last Tuesday, if his socks are on the right feet, and whether it's a full moon on Jupiter. They just don't have the emotional regulation to be predictable at that age.

Make sure they're well fed, well rested, and not overstimulated to give yourselves good odds of decent behaviour. This also works on grown ups which is handy because the worst behaviour is almost always when you have the least patience for it.

Mine is 2y 9m and wouldn't walk anywhere near that much. I thought I was doing well with a 15 minute walk to the corner shop - and I brought the buggy for the last 5 minutes when he got fed up of jumping in puddles on the way home!

Main issue with the buggy now is he falls asleep in it and is then awake until 9pm.

Toddlers are hard! But that would have been a difficult day for anyone to get though to be honest. Make life easier for yourself. Less public transport and bring your own snacks. Let’s be honest, toddlers often act in ways we wish we could as adults!

And honestly, ignore anyone else judging. There’s no medal at the end of the day given out by strangers you’ll never see again. People love to judge and whinge. That’s why AIBU thrives like it does 😉

Have you tried a smart trike? It has different levels/stages. Mine folds for transport. I have a crazy-busy, definitely-no-buggy toddler. DC will happily hop in the smart trike though....likes the handle bars (no pedals yet just at the foot rest stage) but DC feels more freedom and I can actually get from a to b without losing my mind (almost, anyway)

I got a bell (don't do that! ring ring ring ring ring) and a basket for the water bottle, and we were grand

Another vote for taking a buggy, if nothing else just to be able to load it up with other bits! Does he like a scooter? I say this smiling to myself because my 2.5yo often wants to take her scooter out but she’s not really mastered it so crawls along at a snails pace to the end of the road before giving it up and then I have to carry it…
toddlers are magical, fantastic, but exhausting! It sounds like the long journey just wiped him out. Attention span of a gnat at this age but totally normal. We are currently in the phase of her screaming NO and crossing her arms, refusing point blank to negotiate on anything for a minimum of 20 minutes. It’s so joyful!!

My DD is 2y 4m. He does walk nicely and hold my hand but I doubt he would have at that point/for that long - he deff wouldn't cope with that length of journey etc. and would have been shattered and difficult by the end too! Even when we walk to the park or nursery which is about a 10 min walk we usually take either the buggy or his push along trike so we've got something to confine him in/he can sit down if needed.

We also take colouring/stickers/books etc to places when we eat out, and usually a snack to eat while he waits for his food 🤣 and still by the end he wants to get down and walk/run around.

So I think what you're describing is typical for a 2 year old and I think when people say "you've got your hands full" they just mean "toddlers are hard" 😊

Toddlers are anything but normal…

His behaviour is normal.
Your expectations of him are too high.
That day was too long and complicated.
Ignore other people who judge.
Big hug!
Tomorrow will be better!

I think he sounds pretty well behaved. You may need to lower your expectations and do not let random men get to you.

Ah thanks - that man's comment today was definitely judgmental and not sympathetic, it was also followed by "is he yours?", I mean wtf but just really made me feel awful.
To be fair no other kids were running off from the cafe counter but that's because they were sat with the other parent at the table and /or generally with a device.

Both my husband and I do recognise our expectations are probably too high, on our last city break we did around 15000 steps each day, that was just not going to happen for a small child. It's more the fact that the bits that he did walk were not so much walking as either running, plonking himself on the floor, zig zagging etc - but again I suppose new place, excited, a bit overwhelmed, tired and so on.

I have taken on board the advice and we will have to go back to taking the buggy (although for some reason he always throws a tantrum when we have to fold it and put it through the bag check at the airport or in the luggage compartment above the seat, so any tips for avoiding that greatly appreciated).
I will also look into a foldable smarTrike or Doona trike.

You are not a rubbish mum, days out with toddlers can be really tough! My little one is a similar age and so much of what you have said sounds familiar. I think you hit the nail on the head in that it was all a bit much today and your little one got overwhelmed but I applaud you for trying! Some days my little one would manage a day like that and some days a 5 minute walk to a local playground is too much! We’ve had more tricky outings than I can count and I’ve definitely come home and had a cry more than once.

A few things I’ve got that are helpful are a reins backpack which helps me keep him a little bit more controlled when trying to walk in a specific direction and a really compact hip carrier that I can manage to carry him in for a little while, usually just long enough to break him out of any really tricky moments. Happy to try to find the links if you want them.

I hope that your little one is full of toddler kisses and cuddles for you in the morning and that your next outing is one of those unexplainable ones where everything just works beautifully.

Thank you - yes please the link to the carrier would be great @PurpleSpottedLeopard
We tried reins and it was an absolute no-no. He is quite confident and a big lad for his age, he completely hated being held back.

This is the carrier I’ve got:
https://amzn.eu/d/dHhmBxW

My little one is also quite big and confident so I know what you mean about hating being held back. If you haven’t tried backpack style reins though they might be worth a try, my little one fought against standard reins but is more than happy to wear his little bag as it’s shaped like one of his favourite animals and always has a snack in it (I sometimes sneak the carrier in there too)! Fully appreciate that I might have got lucky with this though!

My DC is 2.5 and that sounds pretty standard!
An hour on public transport, then a busy play place, a bit later for lunch.... My DC wouldn't have done well with that!

We live and learn. If it's any consolation I never judge when I see another toddler parent doing negotiations over eating / literally carrying them out of somewhere. Their little brains are exploding with development at this age and the world can be so overwhelming for them.

I find it easier to keep it simple at the moment. Journey times under 45mins, avoiding play places on a weekend when they're full of bigger children, always have sandwiches and snacks in case there's a delay. My DC is ready for lunch at 11.30am and the mood will swing if there's a delay😀