Where are the squeezed middle? How do you know you are being squished?

[HistoryisadiscardedVHS]

I have a full time job and I’m a homeowner. My problem is that there is one of me, and two children, a house that needs a lot doing to it and my salary is around 30K.
Today I hit a new low, filled up my car and realised I had miscalculated my outgoings, forgot £20 I spent in coop. Card declined.
I realised that I was in the shit.
Credit cards all maxed out. £9 on debit card. I had to try to explain, and I wonder how universal this experience is? I look like a woman with a back up, a credit card, cash stored in the glove compartment, something that meant we weren’t standing there held hostage in a petrol station forecourt whilst I tried to call someone. ‘Mum, are we poor?’ Said my child who had just been choosing between two Pringles and had a mum who said ‘let’s buy both, one for tonight, one for tomorrows picnic!’
I returned the food to the shop. Excitedly watched as the £22 buzzed back on my card, my children sadly watching the Pringles and brownie surprise go in a basket to be left discarded on the floor, would they even go back on sale? ‘It takes 1-2 days to be refunded back to your card’ FUCK!
So I’m not asking for sympathy. I should have checked my balance first, a habit I have maybe neglected to do since my last pay rise. My spending habits are reasonable but not as ultra frugal as perhaps they should be. But part of me thinks ‘I’m working so hard, I don’t have huge nursery bills anymore, why can’t we have two packs of Pringles; it’s not like I was buying wine/ caviar/ burrata.
But it doesn’t feel like anyone else is in the same boat. Some of my friends have credit cards, money, savings, plans for the future.
Or my other closer friends are as broke as me but don’t have cars, or jobs or own houses. I feel both envious and lucky.
To be both scrabbling for holiday clubs places, after school club, to talk about putting down decking or patio, to want more time with my children whilst also working through weekends without a second thought, it all feels very middle class. I often feel left out of other conversations about endless summer days, doing school pick up, after drop off coffee mornings, PTA… but my finances are much more inline with of the SAHM’s, particularly if they’re single parents too.
Does anyone know what I mean? I couldn’t speak to any of my friends about what happened today, they would think I was asking for money, or pity. I don’t want either, I just want someone to get it, that £20 is the buffer and today I didn’t have it.

I'm sorry to hear about the petrol station. You need a budget and to pay down your credit card debt because you're paying interest on that. You could post your spending on the debt free wannabe board on money saving expert. Most of us are finding out money doesn't stretch as far as it used to so it's worth keeping a close eye on where the money's going.
forums.moneysavingexpert.com/categories/debt-free-wannabe

Yes you need an emergency fund you don’t touch! But trying to pay a mortgage and support a family on one £30k wage is always going to be a huge struggle. Are there any opportunities for pay progression?

OP I want you to know that you are doing amazingly. It’s not easy on your own, that’s for sure.

I have no idea how you’re running a household on 30k!!

@anonhopim not very good at not touching it as every month there is an emergency!

I'm not quite in the middle, more lower. But I'm a carer for one of my kids and my husband was recently on 23k. We have 4 kids so high outgoings. But that wage is too much to qualify for things like free prescriptions, school meals and school trips etc so it's hard. We were doing ok till the cost of living crisis. He has however started a new job with a wage of 40k so things are looking better. Just hoping it all works out.

are you eligible for universal credit? I would think you are entitled to some.

I definitely make bad financial decisions too, it’s not all gruel and worn out shoes

@chatshit£180 a month

You are doing great and being a fab mum, we are a one wage house it’s really bloody hard trying to balance everything hoping one small thing doesn’t tip you over like new school shoes 😩

I would consider getting a lodger in perhaps - you might need to convert the living room if you don't have a bedroom but in the short term it might be helpful to get you back on your feet again. Or consider Airbnb a room for short periods e.g. a week or weekend here or there perhaps, you could share with a kid? It's not ideal but that's what I would be doing!

Fair play to you - you’re putting a roof over your heads alone while working and showing a brilliant example to your kids of hard work.
Okay so it went a little awry today but see it as a one off reminder to keep checking. It’s very tough doing all that on 30K. You have my sympathy and utter respect.

I’m not sure many people would want to invite a lodger in when you have young children, it wouldn’t be particularly fun for anyone!

OP I just want to say you definitely need to speak to citizens advice to find out what benefits you’re entitled to, if you haven’t already.
Also I am too a 30k earner with 2 DC, although I do have a DH who earns about 45k, however we’re in that horrible high childcare phase which feels like it’s been going on forever (over 4 years) and we have £1 in our account this evening. Everything has gone up hugely, food, council tax, now water. Disposable income is surely a thing of the past for a much larger percentage of people than previously. It’s worrying how much debt his country must be in.

Also, I’ve also had a very embarrassing situation at the petrol station. I must’ve zoned out when filling up once, I looked at the price and it said £50, I was like WTF I’ve not been standing long enough to put £50, so I decided that I must’ve paid for the person before me as well. I went into the desk and explained, I was told it was impossible for it not to shut off when left for longer than a couple of minutes but I was adamant I’d not been stood there long enough. The lady could see I was getting upset and asked me to turn my engine on to check the fuel gauge, lo and behold it was full to the brim. I was so embarrassed and apologised. The lady said she has seen and heard it all over the years, so basically what I’m saying is, don’t beat yourself up about the petrol station experience, they will have had worse!

Just sending you a massive hug, OP. I'm so sorry about the pringles and I hope on payday you get to have your pringles and brownie and can take out £20 cash to pop in the glove compartment so it never happens to you again.
We're all out here doing our best and you're juggling a lot on a single salary.
💐

This was me last week in Morrisons, fortunately it was shopping and put a couple of things back. I actually did have enough (just) in another account but panicked. I put £20 per month into a linked account and have that round up thing that puts change into that account but by the end of the month it is always used.
It is soooo difficult paying for everything on one mediocre wage, I totally understand

That sounds really tough op but on that salary and your situation you are not the squeezed middle. It's bloody good going you've managed to get by and run a household on 30k alone.

Everything is just so expensive at the moment.
I have also seen stuck in the garage- had to drive away, with a letter from the police. Horrible.
Nearly the end of the month.

Are you not getting anything from the other parent, OP?

Hey, you’re not alone.

I’m also a single parent and nearly a year ago discovered Dave Ramsey’s baby steps (google it, there’s a book and websites and stuff).

I am now two months away from being out of debt and I know where every penny goes. Spent many years not really knowing and slamming everything on the credit card. I don’t want to be in this piss poor situation any longer, and I’m soon going to be able to have savings and be on top of things.

Hats off to you, you’re doing an incredible job. Something like this happened to my mum when I was young, as I’ve grown up it’s made me really appreciate how tough she had it and what a strong person she was, as are you

Yes, had same happen to me more often than I like to think about. App on phone said I had x amount for petrol then went down when I went to pay - signal it seems hadn't deducted previous shop - I had to ask someone to borrow £20 and drive back over there (they allow 48hrs in most places and they had a laminated card with their account details on) and they said it happens all the time where people are £5 short or so and not noticed limits. I have to do a 4 hr drive twice a week and it's costing £75 to fill the tank - now a fair amount more expensive than my council tax every month.

It sounds to me like you're doing a fantastic job, I earn 2k a year less than you and have 1 child at university (full loan but I help where I can, pay phone and TV etc) and although I've never had this situation, it's one I could definitely be in!

I have been slow to climb a short and not that rewarding ladder but expected a better standard of living than what I have now from my income, but the col has seen to that! I've just had my brakes done, month before was oil service and next month I need 4 new tyres 😬.

'treated' myself to a meal deal thing from Asda, few pence less than a tenner for a meal for 2 with starter, main, side and dessert, have had half the main for my tea (on my own) and the rest of that in the freezer and then the side and starter is for tomorrow. But it felt wildly extravagant and will do tomorrow as well as it's 'nice' food the likes I don't have very often!

The kids won't remember the pringles, they'll remember what you did and realise as adults how tough it was and how much you love them because of what you do to support them.

This sort of thing really depends where you live. Im in the south east near london and its just impossible to live on 30k with kids. After tax pretty much all of it would just go on rent/mortgage & utilities.

Do you get any CMS?

I get it. To the outside world you look like you are easily managing, that you have it all together (and most of the time you do). But the reality is that, although in our minds we should be able to afford what we want within reason, we have to live within budgets with little room from manoeuvre.
Please don't beat yourself up. It is so easy to do.
Life is a balancing act and we all make rash purchases we can't really afford. You are human like the rest of us.
I also try and keep emergency cash in the glove box and in my bag (not loads just £20 or so). I try and forget it's there but it's come in handy more than once. If you could do that it will give you a bit of confidence that a situation like today won't happen.
I bet if you looked around you would be surprised at how many of us are in the exact same position you are in.