Where are the squeezed middle? How do you know you are being squished?

[HistoryisadiscardedVHS]

I have a full time job and I’m a homeowner. My problem is that there is one of me, and two children, a house that needs a lot doing to it and my salary is around 30K.
Today I hit a new low, filled up my car and realised I had miscalculated my outgoings, forgot £20 I spent in coop. Card declined.
I realised that I was in the shit.
Credit cards all maxed out. £9 on debit card. I had to try to explain, and I wonder how universal this experience is? I look like a woman with a back up, a credit card, cash stored in the glove compartment, something that meant we weren’t standing there held hostage in a petrol station forecourt whilst I tried to call someone. ‘Mum, are we poor?’ Said my child who had just been choosing between two Pringles and had a mum who said ‘let’s buy both, one for tonight, one for tomorrows picnic!’
I returned the food to the shop. Excitedly watched as the £22 buzzed back on my card, my children sadly watching the Pringles and brownie surprise go in a basket to be left discarded on the floor, would they even go back on sale? ‘It takes 1-2 days to be refunded back to your card’ FUCK!
So I’m not asking for sympathy. I should have checked my balance first, a habit I have maybe neglected to do since my last pay rise. My spending habits are reasonable but not as ultra frugal as perhaps they should be. But part of me thinks ‘I’m working so hard, I don’t have huge nursery bills anymore, why can’t we have two packs of Pringles; it’s not like I was buying wine/ caviar/ burrata.
But it doesn’t feel like anyone else is in the same boat. Some of my friends have credit cards, money, savings, plans for the future.
Or my other closer friends are as broke as me but don’t have cars, or jobs or own houses. I feel both envious and lucky.
To be both scrabbling for holiday clubs places, after school club, to talk about putting down decking or patio, to want more time with my children whilst also working through weekends without a second thought, it all feels very middle class. I often feel left out of other conversations about endless summer days, doing school pick up, after drop off coffee mornings, PTA… but my finances are much more inline with of the SAHM’s, particularly if they’re single parents too.
Does anyone know what I mean? I couldn’t speak to any of my friends about what happened today, they would think I was asking for money, or pity. I don’t want either, I just want someone to get it, that £20 is the buffer and today I didn’t have it.

I don’t think you are squeezed middle. £30k single income with a mortgage, car and 2 children is probably low income. If your debt repayments are so high you cannot afford to live you may need to consider a DMP. I suggest you post on MSE debt free wannabe forum. Are you paying interest on your debts and do you just pay minimums?

@CornishclioI pay off £100 a month on each. One is nearly paid off, the other I have £1000 one but they’re cards for terrible credit so the interest is high!

I do get CMS but it’s low as he’s on less than me (full time retail). He does help as much as he can it’s just really expensive to live these days.

I think if you are paying high interest so the balance is not going down quickly and the £200 you are paying monthly is putting you in financial difficulties then you should consider a DMP. If you have a poor credit rating and have been in debt for a significant time and your budget doesn’t allow for emergency savings or essentials like fuel or food then a DMP may be the best option.

Glad to hear this, OP.

I’ve been there (even though I shouldn’t have allowed myself to be), and I’m afraid I don’t have much advice, but I hope things get better for you.

It sounds really tough and actually you are trying to so a lot on a small salary. I would advice carrying cash and not paying by card. That way you can avoid overspending. Also try to limit impulse buys like pringles by doing 1 weekly shop at somewhere like aldi or lidl and making sure to include some cheap treats like pringles.

I get it OP. There are two of us earning a combined £60K, living in London, two children. We barely get by and something small like a car repair or fine throws everything off. Our credit cards are maxed out and our emergency fund gets eaten into every month. You sound like you’re doing a really good job OP, give yourself the credit you deserve. It’s hard going, hang in there. Better times will come.

Also second Dave Ramsey. Tbere is a UK Facebook page which is helpful.
My DH lost his job and Ive had to take control. The amount we spent before on tops ups at Tesco, little treats throughout the week at the petrol station and coffees was a real eye opener.

I won’t suggest you should have an emergency fund or get your debt paid off (if you could do that you wouldn’t be out of money at the petrol station!’

But there was a time I started a debt and outgoing spreadsheet and at the start of the pandemic there were months where I was in the red before I’d even been paid. The pandemic put a halt to my spending and things improved, I’ve since had lots of pay rises and I’m in a lot better position but really feel for you constantly feeling squeezed as I remember it well! Sounds like you’re pretty frugal already but no one should need to be a complete saint!

Here’s some things that have and still help me

Realising my debt was unsustainable. The months I was in the red I’d take out more debt. My payments were in the 100s each month. I called all my creditors and asked for time where they’d freeze interest and lower my payments for a few months. This helped and could be a good temporary option if you are in the same boat but it was too late for me, I couldn’t get on top of it so I went to StepChange and got put on to an arrangement. My credit is obviously impacted but that was a hit I was willing to take.

Second I started finding little side hustles by using all the cash back sites like TopCashback, tuck, AirRewards etc, and I buy £400 Tesco vouchers on Tuck every payday (Get £20 cashback) and means I don’t run out of money for food during the month.

I started earning money on Swagbucks, Clickworker and Field Agent, but they’re time consuming and with kids I doubt you have much free time, but I’ve earned £1000s from them over the past 5 years.

I started to make an effort selling the things I don’t want on ebay/vinted/fb marketplace instead of throwing it away.

It’s not much but can get an extra £20-£100 each month depending on how much effort I put in. But the main one for me was getting debt down to begin with, then after getting on the property ladder I went to step change. Obviously if you’re already on a 0% credit card and your payments are manageable then that’s not helpful.

Feel like it’s harder and harder to have a comfortable standard of living and sounds like you’re doing a great job with your kids and sorry you’ve had that happen at the petrol station!

Another vote for Dave Ramsey (ish). Think most people replying have been there with the juggling. One salary only is mega hard and it’s frustrating to know there are so many people worse off but how precarious the gap is to being one of them.