Drugs on a night out

[ThisMintExpert]

Is it normal for a 35 year old parent of a 2 year old to come home from a night out some time between 4.30am and 6.30am, fall asleep on the couch and when woken up, I have to point out there is white powder around their nostril. Which is passed off as a yellow snot. It was undeniably white and there is white powder on the house keys as well, packed into the grooves.

Is it unreasonable to bring it up? I have said very clearly a couple of times in the past 6 months that I no longer want to raise a child with someone who uses cocaine recreationally on a night out.

I don't know why it bothers me so much. I didn't necessarily like it before having children together, but it didn't bother me as much as it didn't really affect me.

No drug use ever happens in the house or around the child and that would be the end. It's only on nights out.

I can't stand cocaine. It would be a huge deal for me.

Well if there's some on a key, in the house where your children live it's not really being kept completely away from the children is it. Not unreasonable at all to bring it up.

I’d hate this. I’d be worried of the risks associated with it and not knowing what was in it and when you have kids you have a responsibility.

This. The fact that it is in your house and probably now on several surfaces would be the deal breaker for me.

"I don't know why it bothers me so much."

Because it's an exploitative business, people getting rich on the backs of the poor and desperate. I'd feel so much disrespect for someone who used cocaine.

I know. I was the one who moved the keys completely out of reach since it was left on the coffee table and only haven't cleaned it for evidence. I'll get told its just dirt though (like a time before).

I don't even know what to say anymore. I've been promised changes and it'll never happen agains. But here we are.

Only you can decide if this is a deal breaker OP.

I hate drugs. I lost a lovely boyfriend to drugs. It would be for me but we are all different.

Well are you comfortable being with someone who lies to you face and is OK with there being remnants of drugs in the house where you have children?

Also people on cocaine are extremely annoying. There’s definitely an age limit beyond which it’s just pathetic to keep using it.

Was this happening before you had a baby or is this a new thing?

If it's new, it would piss me off.
If not, people don't change.

He’s coming home under the influence of cocaine. So it IS around your child.
Are you seriously asking if it’s ok to bring this up? I’d be packing his bags, personally.

Waste of family money. How much did he spend and do you and each child get fun money to blow?
Drugs destroy families. Sometimes kill.
Deal breaker for me. Zero tolerance.

He’d been out of the house now. Totally unacceptable.

The Production and Supply of Cocaine involves slavery, torture, murder, and all other types of exploitation. It is drenched in blood from start to end .. and the money funds organised crime, sexual exploitation, and human trafficking.

I would not want to be with someone, who’s moral bar is set so low, that they are happy for children to be murdered, so they can get a Friday night “buzz”

I suppose the real question is that if you've said more than once you don't want to raise kids with a drug user anymore, what message does the fact you're still doing it anyway give him? He either doesn't believe you or doesn't care.

He's prioritising his own selfish drug use over his family and over his child's safety( your child could have picked up the keys and licked them).

Think about that.

He will not change if you continue to stay with him, because you staying is tantamount to agreeing it's ok to behave like that. He will continue to lie and say he'll never do it again, but that will be a lie.

If you leave it's possible that might give him the impetus to stop, or it may not. He is the one that has to choose to stop, you cannot make him want to do it.

Do you want your child to live with a cocaine addict?

Unpalatable though it may sound, I think you are being unreasonable to have had children with a drug user, and then expect them to change.

It isn't beyond the realms of possibility that they might, but the odds are stacked against you.

You now have to decide whether you can put up with it, and leave if not. Sounds very much like it won't change.

As pp said - do you want your child to live with a cocaine addict?

What will their childhood memories be?

Isn't there some kind of company you can send it off to to get tested? Maybe even suggesting you'll do that would be enough to get a confession.

You knew he did it before you had a child and it didn't bother you as much, you still had a child with him and now it bothers you.
I wouldn't be ok with it but I wouldn't have had a child with a regular cocaine user either.

You say “I would like you to move out. I’m not continuing in a relationship with a drug user. I am prioritising my children. This is non negotiable so don’t try and talk me out of it. Goodbye.”

You had children with a drug user.

Did you think you would change him?

Come on now, this was always going to happen.

I agree with this. OP he was a coke head when she chose him as father of her child so it shouldn’t be a shock that he’s still using.

Don't date and have a child with a drug user unless you’re willing to accept they won’t stop using.

He knows you’re unhappy about it but he still does it - that’s him showing you he doesn’t care and he won’t stop

If it was a huge deal I would not have had kids with somebody who does it. Did they commit to not do it anymore?

It’s fine to have a huge issue with it and I think you and your partner need a serious talk.

Oh I saw this after I wrote my comment but I agree.