Drugs on a night out

[ThisMintExpert]

Is it normal for a 35 year old parent of a 2 year old to come home from a night out some time between 4.30am and 6.30am, fall asleep on the couch and when woken up, I have to point out there is white powder around their nostril. Which is passed off as a yellow snot. It was undeniably white and there is white powder on the house keys as well, packed into the grooves.

Is it unreasonable to bring it up? I have said very clearly a couple of times in the past 6 months that I no longer want to raise a child with someone who uses cocaine recreationally on a night out.

I don't know why it bothers me so much. I didn't necessarily like it before having children together, but it didn't bother me as much as it didn't really affect me.

No drug use ever happens in the house or around the child and that would be the end. It's only on nights out.

Thank you everyone. Yes I knew before, i feel quite naive looking back but it was only on nights out and did stop for a couple of years. When i was pregnant I started to completely hate the going out altogether as its all binge drinking and out to early mornings and then the unbearable hangovers. Sometimes coke is taken. Its hard to see what is actually happening, especially when it is so occasional and in context, rather than out which you have helped with.

I used to have friends like you and I have the same opinion now. You’re being unreasonable because you knew this when you were with this person and by your own admission were ok about it. You knew who he was when you had a child with him.

Recreational drug users will almost always continue when out drinking with other recreational drugs users because when you’re drunk, you are far more likely to do something that has always been habitual (the same as smoking).

It’s not actually any different in terms of being able to parent the next day etc as being absolutely hammered drunk.

I am completely anti drugs, have never taken them, never would take them. But I also wouldn’t be in a relationship with a recreational drug user because our opinions on the subject are never going to align.

You are not morally opposed to them because you’ve been ok with it in the past. He can’t parent whether he’s off his head on drugs or alcohol.

You shouldn’t have had a child with him, you knew what he was like.

@ThisMintExpert

medisave.co.uk seem to do a test strip for under £2. I'm like you in that I hate drugs [cannabis upward] and even tobacco.

I would very much do a test in his presence! Otherwise - for a bit more cost - you can send away. I do hope that there was no driving involved after [for some days]

“Steve, take this bag and go to your mums. I told you I wouldn’t put up with drug abuse and lies and I’m not doing it”

ring up his parent and tell them why he’s on his way.

if you do t safeguard your child who will? How will you explain to social services that you knew but didn’t do anything if your child ingests any?

make today a new start

I'm actually not against drugs on a night out so long as it doesn't spill over into working days. But not when you have kids.

Agree with PP that you shouldn’t have had a baby with a man who uses cocaine if you have a problem with it. However I don’t agree with the claim that everyone who uses cocaine recreationally from time to time is a drug addict. Cocaine use is VERY rife in most big cities. I’ve known plenty of perfectly functioning adults - parents or otherwise - use it recreationally, and then get on with leading happy, successful lives.

It’s absolutely fine for this to be a dealbreaker for you, OP, but I’d ignore the fear mongering about addiction unless there are signs that your DH is not just using it recreationally?

YABU to have said that several times and not acted on it.

I divorced my ex rather than have kids over his coke use. I watched all our friends have kids and various husbands continue to go on regular benders as if they were still 21. Fuck that.

Cocaine use is pathetic at any age.
I would not be in a relationship with someone who used drugs, let alone have kids with them. It is non-negotiable for me.
OP will have to decide whether it is for her.

It would be a big no from me. I’m assuming you didn’t know about the drug use before you entered into a sexual relationship with this man.

If you have the sort of relationship where he openly lies and knows that you realise that, then you aren’t in a relationship at all, except a shit one. By the sound of it, he would deny it if you even had proof. What are you going to do about that? Because his denials aren’t the truth, are they? They’re just his weak attempts to excuse himself for putting your child at serious risk. Which he HAS done, and which he won’t even discuss.

It's your decision to make as to whether it is normal or acceptable.

Nobody is going to say yes it's completely normal, get over yourself.

Few people will admit to knowing how rife cocaine is in many a social circle. But it is.

I've seen a lot of it, but on keys? I thought that only happened when there were bowls full in films.

---

I cut all contact with one of my closest friends of 20 years due to their cocaine habit.
Not because of the drug use itself, but because they'd snorted their 250k house away, they'd lie, they'd give up anything for a line. They didn't care about me, not about anyone. Their new best friend happened to be a very middle class dealer, used their place to cut, weigh and distribute leaving friend with a paltry 40 quids worth, for which they were pathetically grateful.

They used to be a well liked popular soul. No, not now. Too much owed to too many.

The police know all of this, that was my final act in trying to help them. Names addresses, car registration... Clearly fuck all was done.

So yeah.
You make your own decisions about what is normal and what you'll tolerate. Nobody here can tell you what to do. It'll be page's of frothing and ltb.

I personally would leave him/her. Because you have already asked for change, and been lied to. This gives a very clear insight into how important it is to your partner to do this, and that their word cannot be trusted where its concerned. Often (not always, but often enough for it to be a pattern) an agreement to stop followed by continuing and lying, is indicative that its a bigger deal to them than a recreational take it or leave it thing. As if it's just an optional extra, you'd not risk your relationship for it. I lived with a similar situation and one of my biggest regrets is I didn't leave, so I'll allow I might be projecting and not the most objective voice on the thread though.