To think we should bring back shame when it comes to bad life choices?

[SparklyOchreSheep]

We’ve become so non-judgemental that people don’t feel accountable for their own bad decisions anymore.

Yes, absolutely, we should bring back shame for those people who enjoy shaming others who make life decisions that differ from their own x

Reading the title immediately made me think of Game of Thrones and Cersei being marched through the streets of kings landing with the septa chanting "shame shame" behind her.

In what way? I think there is still a lot of shame attached to bad life decisions. Personally I'm if the opinion people make mistakes, its what happens after that which makes the difference.

People who murder...fair play.

People who have kids with the wrong man...very unreasonable as ot can happen to us all.

Is this another benefit bashing thread?

Should we pit all people who make bad decisions in the stocks op or take awy all benefits so they starve.

Alternatively we could accept that noone is perfect and there is a natural consequence from which we hopefully learn

I bet you even make bad decisions op. You are not perfect. This judgy thread is testament to that.

Sorry for typos.

You posted this on a website that thrives on shaming people (unless it happens to be themselves). Oh, the irony. Without shaming people, this site would wither and die.

Yes to people who are small minded bigots. Shame on them.

It's much harder to change your life if you are consumed with shame.

In some circumstances yes. Eg, people who happily chuck litter on the street and don't care if everyone sees them, or don't pick up dog poo, or catcalling etc. Having everyone in the vicinity turn on them and give them an earful would be really helpful.

But I think it's pointless in other circs, such as affairs. It'd be fine if the extended family and friends said they were horrified and unimpressed with the affair -haver at the time, but not helpful to continue to shame them for years afterwards, if that's what you are suggesting?

@SparklyOchreSheep Could you give us an example of what you mean?

Which of your bad choices would you like to be shamed for? And what form would you like the shaming to take? We've all made them, haven't we? So start us off with an example..? If you like, we could probably even do a bit of shaming of you here on the thread!

Yeah, sounds like a great idea

I don't think it's fair to shame people , some people need genuine support and love or have mental health issues that makes them pick bad choices. I don't think anyone who is say for example an eating disorder or in drug addiction enjoys or loves the life they are living, they need proper support. Yes ultimately they choose everyday that path but it's a lot more complex
Some acts ars very shameful such as hurting children, stealing from vulnerable people etc these acts the person should be ashamed of themselves

What makes you think people have become non judgemental? I think the exact opposite and they’re as judgemental as ever! Or actually even worse!

I just got a parking ticket for not parking correctly in the parking bay where I've parked for 5 years

It's the same ticket inspector who loves issuing tickets for silly reasons. I judge him!

Emotional intelligence at its finest!

What kind of poor decisions? What kind of shame were you thinking? Like bringing back public hanging? The stocks? The scolds bridle? Workhouses for the poor and needy? Taking babies away from unwed mothers against their will and leaving them in institutions for decades?

FWIW I think there’s plenty of people shaming others in our society, far more probably than say 20-30 years ago at times.

Are you my mother, OP? She really would have enjoyed this 'shaming' movement. And yes of course it is a ridiculous and cruel idea.

I quite agree. Bring back the stocks for dog foulers and people who litter. It’s really bad where I live for that. Also for bigotry in any form. I think we get into difficult grey areas much beyond that.

My friend has made a whole lifetime of bad choices and continues to. She's schizophrenic. Shame wouldn't make a jot of difference. Not everyone has the capacity for shame.

You need to say more about what sort of 'bad decisions' you mean. I think that people like Trump should be ashamed of themselves, but people at the top have always tended to be rather shameless; that's often how they get to the top!

Are you talking about people's consciences, and their often not feeling sufficiently guilty for harming others; or are you saying that one should have the right to shame people for making different decisions to oneself?

I'm not sure in any case that we are less judgemental no than in the past. I think that there is (and quite rightly) more judgement toward sex pests, for example, now than 30 or 40 years ago. Also, with everything going onto social media nowadays, it's much more difficult to conceal past foolish behaviours.

There’s a saying about glass houses that springs to mind here, so be very careful what you wish for here.

The trouble with shame is that you can’t just restrict it to people who do terrible things. It spreads, and usually onto people who don’t deserve it. Let’s get to the stage where we can convince victims of abuse that they have nothing to be ashamed of, before we start worrying about whether a feckless father feels bad.

I wish we could. People lambast stigma but I thing stigma as a controller of behaviour can be a good thing (and far more effective than the law).

But we have so venerated “no judgment” that I think the horse has long bolted and will never be locked up again in the stable.

I think also the issue is people tend to want to shame things they solely dislike even if it causes no harm to anybody else.

I am always interested to hear more about this pre-multicultural utopia I hear of - where people were decent and shame was plentiful…

Quick question - what was life like for young working class women during this period of high standards and politeness?

If I was born in another time I d be a fallen woman. Raped as a teenager and kept the baby. I had been drinking true but actually was wearing modest clothing (my school skirt). Should I be marched to the magdelene laundry and incarcerated?

No because it was the late 80s. I have never told anyone the truth except my ds when he became an adult and then my dd. I was ashamed but I m not now.

I m a survivor and my ds is a lovely man who had a brilliant role model in my late dad.

Don't shame anyone that you don't know the story of.