To think we should bring back shame when it comes to bad life choices?

[SparklyOchreSheep]

We’ve become so non-judgemental that people don’t feel accountable for their own bad decisions anymore.

I completely agree. Sometimes people haven't been in control of their circumstances and people don't know/don't bother to understand the whole picture.

So sorry you went through that - it must've been incredibly tough and I have huge respect for you making things work. Your dad sounds like he was a wonderful man and support.

@CountryMumof4 I have sort of disassociated from what happened. There's not a big age gap between him and me and we are very close.

I was in a relationship for years with dd s dad but it didn't work out. I think what will be will be.

I m now working in education helping young people so sort of feel like I got there in the end. Financially secure drive a nice car etc.

I don't feel I m anything like that girl from the 80s but I do feel sad for her and I have brought dd up to stand up for herself.

Shame is such an unhelpful emotion.

Have you not read any Brene Brown?

Guilt can be helpful as it can be a driver for change, shame does not lead to good outcomes.

Anyway, I am not seeing this non-judgmental world you live in. Most people I know feel accountable for their own decisions. I am not sure what world you are in.

Yes - it’s the immigrants fault! All that is negative and bad in society is all down to the immigrants!

🙄

(It’s especially hilarious that “not respecting one’s elders” is seen as The Immigrants fault. LOL!)

This is such a bizarre post. Do you mean, oh I should have taken maths, physics and chemistry at A level not English, History and Art, what a shame? Or do you mean, I shouldn't have punched the bus driver in the face, shame on me!

I honestly don't think shame always helps. I don't really think the hand on hip judgemental attitude gets anyone very far either. But being remorseful and reflecting is a thing , I suppose.

You're not serious? This board, in particular, is chock-full of people who live for impotently judging other people. The only good thing is that whilst they're frothing away in judgement here, they're leaving real life people alone.

You are not wrong OP. But have you seen how entitled people are on some of the threads. Apparently there is no such thing as a bad choice. It’s always someone else’s fault. Society, you neighbours, the school, even your pets, why not?

If all else fails, you can diagnose yourself with some kind of mental health disorder. I mean why take any responsibility for anything. Everyone else owes you a living, self validation, emotional support, you name it.

Nobody is perfect, and that includes you op.

I do actually agree with this. Especially the last paragraph. A dislike of what people do that doesn't hurt anybody else is nothing to be judgemental about - or if you must, keep it to yourself.

Things that damage/cause harm should be taken stock of and I agree that we shouldn't benignly let those take root. Dropping litter as an example from PP, definitely, but what do people propose to actually do other than set a good example? Judge the wrong person as a member of the public and you're likely to get a smack or at least a volley of abuse.

How do you propose this shame is dished out though…

Are you suggesting bringing back the tutting at single mothers or something bigger?

How about a good old fashioned lynch mob?

Do you feel shame OP for starting such a foolish thread?

Brava, @borogovia !

You're on AIBU complaining that people aren't judgemental enough?! 😂