Does it make me an awful mother…

[Ketryne]

That all I was for Mother’s Day is a day of not being a mother at all?!

I have a 3.5 year old DS and 4 month old baby DD who I love immensely, but God all I want is a day off!

A night of uninterrupted sleep. A lie in. A shower that last more than 3 minutes. A whole day of not having to talk about/watch/play spider man. Not spending longer trying to get the baby to nap than the nap actually lasts for.

Yes DH is wonderful and would take them out of the house for a couple of hours (I’m breastfeeding so he can’t do much more than that), but there’s still a million jobs and a dog to walk so it’s not like I can ever revel in kid free time because I’m doing things against the clock till they get back.

I don’t regret them for a minute but if I could press a button and make them disappear for a day, I would. Is that awful?

It's completely normal! I have a friend who stays in a hotel the night before Mother's Day every year and she comes home at around lunchtime.

So the night before she has an uninterrupted sleep, a lie in, a leisurely breakfast and then she comes home and they go out to lunch as a family.

Her DH does the same

no i don’t think you’re a bad mother at all. you’re overwhelmed and burnt out like a lot of other mums. don’t beat yourself up over this, you’re only human. The fact you’re worrying about being an awful mum means you are a good mum otherwise you wouldn’t care.

Youre not a bad mummy, youre just a human being. We all feel like this sometimes and this was a main reason I did not have any more children (because I know my own limits and what I can cope with lol) i hope you do get your relaxation on Mums Day x

This sounds like bliss! Maybe next year when I’m not breastfeeding 😅

Completely normal!

my ex husband once booked me into the local travelodge for a night and stayed at mine with a toddler and older baby. I ate chocolate in bed, slept like a log and had baths on my own. It was bloody bliss and I recommend you do the same as soon as baby can go for longer stretches

It sounds like a great idea and I'd ask DH to facilitate it as much as he can! You do the same on Fathers Day.

Don’t do the “million jobs”. What’s the worst that can happen if you don’t? Husband takes them out a few hours while you relax, brings them back in time for feeding then he takes the dog out. Even better if the eldest child goes with him on that dog walk.

No it’s normal when you’re shattered! It will get better.

Completely normal. I was recently telling my DDs (now adults, twins) how I used to fantasise about being run over and spending a night in a hospital bed, alone. Only a minor injury but enough for a night in under observation.

Or shop lifting and spending a night in a cell 🤣

They looked at me like I was mad ….
wait until they have kids!

You’re not an awful Mum! Parenting is RELENTLESS. I always remember the moment I truly realised that when DD was a few days old. The adrenaline of the first few days had worn off and I realised that this was it, forever. No let up. It’s totally normal to crave a break!
FWIW I hate Mothers Day! I hate that I’m supposed to be the centre of attention and I hate the focus on being ‘the best mum ever’ I usually have a big snotty cry at my kids cards simply because I don’t feel like the best mum AT ALL.

Watch The Middle episode called Mother's day II. I think it's episode 21 of season 2 on ITVx. The whole episode is about this exact scenario and very funny.

Could you express some milk to give you more time off?

Feed the baby then go out for a couple of hours. DH can do the jobs!

I do express enough for a bottle a day but she’s extremely hit and miss about whether she will take it and it’s hard for DH to feed a bottle while watching the older DS as she often fights and screams about it.

I think the bigger thing is that it’s not specifically any one part of it that I want time off from. I know it’s understandable to want a break from Spider-Man games, or a couple of extra hours in bed, but I think what I’m really wishing for is to opt out of even having to think about them for a day. Which is obviously impossible as well as feeling extremely unmotherly!

😂

Or go out yourself for the couple of hours. Have a massage/hairdo/beauty treatment, chill in a nice coffee shop etc. Away from all the things you feel you should do

Husband can deal with kids and walk the dog

No, you're actively "in the trenches" mothering all year.
A day off is the treat you need! When mine were tiny, I sent dh and the dcs out, while I sat in the garden eating cake! It was hot and sunny that year too; and bloody amazing!

Completely normal. I don’t want flowers and chocolates, all I want is a day off. I want someone to offer to make me a coffee, someone to decide what we’re having for dinner and to make it. I want a lie in, a leisurely soak in the bath, and a day off from chores. Just one fucking day a year, that’s all I ask.

Oh god yes. I had fantasies about being in hospital with something relatively minor, so I could sleep for a couple of days. Hospital beds are so uncomfortable, but I could have fell asleep on the floor at that point!

Totally normal! It can feel relentless and a day to oneself to recharge is the dream! But I agree that it doesn’t really work if you are in the house because you look around and feel guilty at all the stuff not done. A night in a hotel is the way forward. Even a local Travelodge or equivalent!

Its normal to feel like you do op.
The moment you have a child you will always be a mum for the rest of your life it gets better as they get older.
And even better when you can say im a parent but i dont have to do parenting anymore.

I have children the exact same age! November 2021 + 2024.
I think it’s normal.
id like a lie in. Clocks changed today and toddler woke up at 6.20. That ‘was’ 5.20.
ergh

I went away for a solo long weekend every year when kids were young (usually in the month before or after the actual day), now the kids are older I go away solo for a whole week once a year in spring. My husband tries to do the same in the autumn. It’s rejuvenating for my mental health, self worth, sanity, independence, fitness and I go home remembering who I am as an individual and ready to get stuck in to another year of family life. I would recommend it to all parents.

I feel your pain. The baby woke up at 6 (so 5am) for the 3rd time of the night and wouldn’t go back in the cot so I lay awake in bed holding her, till the older one woke up at 7.15 (6) and DH took them both downstairs. I allowed myself 30 minutes of extra child free sleep before I had to get up and shower in time for a family breakfast and to relieve DH so he could walk the dog.

We’ve had a nice family day, but I would have loved an extra hour in bed so much.

Same. 9pm (8pm) and I’m in bed in silence. Luckily the pair of them collapsed shattered around 2 hours ago