Is daughter getting enough calories?

[Frolt]

i have been a little concerned about dd as she has lost weight recently (a lot of girls in her year have seemed to slim down and lost that puppy weight). I asked her dad to log what she had eaten whilst staying with him today. He sent over what she ate and he thinks it’s fine for a 5 ft 2 17 yo.

I don’t!

Beans on toast (one slice of toast with butter and 4 tablespoons of beans)

1 coronation chicken breast chunk from Tesco
Two cheese strings
Two crackers with cheese (Jacob’s cracker)

3 baby potatoes
2 tablespoons of coleslaw
1 broccoli floret
2 bites of cheese and onion quiche (no crust)

Cornetto

Apparently she complained about not liking the dinner despite having wolfed it down previously.

I think it’s about 1100 calories. Her sister (a 9 yo would have eaten a similar amount).

Ex and I did not agree at all. What does he know! They have an open plan living room/kitchen and he’s sure she didn’t eat on top of this. And stayed in her room most of the day.

She seems lethargic and isn’t as sparky

She used to always snack on fruit/veggies with some sort of dip. Not anymore.

maybe her tastebuds changed
is she allowed autonomy in what she eats
Maybe give her £20 to buy what food she wants

That’s not enough. Can you check her phone and see what she’s watching on TikTok? There’s a lot of eating disorder content on there.

She sorts her own breakfast annd lunch out. There is a definite behaviour change. She used to make these elaborate meals that she saw on TikTok. I rarely see her eat now. And it’s been months since I’ve seen her make pasta which was always her go to. She would always bake, try weird food combinations/recipes she had seen.

She previously would have no problem eating what the family ate for dinner, now there’s every excuse under the sun to not eat what I’ve made - too spicy, too garlicky etc.

Ex is being so dense. “If she had an eating disorder she wouldn’t be eating cheese and ice cream”. Give me strength!

Oh I did not know this!

So eating disorders are usually because they’re trying to take control in an area of their lives (restricted eating) when they can’t control it in others.

As a regular thing it isn’t enough no, and would indicate something is wrong

ive been tracking her eating. Had hoped it was genuinely down to the fact she had gone off my cooking. But dh reported similar amounts of food.

Ex said he asked dad to eat something after she picked at dinner. And they both agree to an ice cream. I worry that she is getting next to no nutrients.

Would you say she was overweight to begin with?

I'm just wondering if she was, might she need help with a proper plan?

Not at all. Not rake thin but slim

It is nightmare fuel. I am often reporting videos where the video and comment sections are talking about ways to avoid detection from parents, how much they hate anyone who gets in the way of their goals, what those goals are (often they have the magic number of 40kg).

It is really, really scary reading the comments and how they are all egging each other on.

Another more insidious angle is the orthorexia content which disguises disordered eating as "clean" eating. It's much more clever but just as dangerous. They will eat "high bulk" and "clean" meals, but often it will be things like a huge amount of lettuce, or you have the raw/fruit ones.

With the ability now to photoshop their bodies in videos not just photos, you have content creators with almost impossibly perfect figures, promoting unsustainable diets whilst lying to their fans. Many have been caught out, looking nothing like their videos, but impressionable young girls and women are sucked in.

My daughter is the same age and her eating habits are terrible. She never eats breakfast and will quite often not eat anything at all til 3 or 4pm. However, she will happily cook herself things like pasta or order something in when she is hungry. I have worried about it in the past but she's a normal weight so I try to just leave her to it a bit.

But my daughter is actively losing weight! I wouldn’t be concerned but if she carries on like this for much longer she will be getting into underweight territory.

If dd was a stable weight I wouldn’t worry cause then obviously she was getting enough calories. She has seemingly lost 10-15 pounds overnight and that’s weight she really did not need to lose.

It does sound a bit like she could be getting towards a bit disordered. The fact she used to love cooking and eating and now suddenly makes excuses not to.

I presume she's allowed to choose what she wants to eat, you say she sorts her own breakfast and lunch. But it didn't seem like she was eating breakfast with her dad?

I think to pressure her or try and force her would have the opposite of a positive affect.

Do you know if there's anything else going on in her life that might be causing her anxiety etc?
Maybe if you approached it from that angle rather than saying she's not eating enough?

And she’s on TikTok all the bloody time. She made these low calories Greek yoghurt bagels (think they were a TikTok trend) a while ago and I remember asking her why she felt the need to eat low calorie anything.

It does sound a bit concerning, and not enough calories for sure, puberty, school and height growth take lots of energy and calories. Teens should never really lose weight unless they are starting from an unhealthily overweight point.

My dd is recovering from anorexia and started off restricting eating or trying new 'clean' recipes, but it doesn't take a great deal of weight loss for anorexia to take hold.

Please don't believe the outdated myths that restricted eating is about controlling an aspect of life where there isn't control elsewhere. This is basically bollocks. Anorexia is a neurometabolic disorder and happens because of calorie deficit in people who have a genetic predisposition. Often people feel a sense of calm when they do not eat as starvation suppresses emotions.

It's very common for parents to come to a realisation that things are not quite right at different rates and times. I was worried for a few months before my dh finally got on board one day after we found breakfast flushed down the toilet. We told ourselves lots of stories about what was happening - she's eating healthy, she's doing more exercise as a mental health coping strategy, blah blah. it's really hard to admit something might be wrong, so keep the communication open with her dad if you can.

It could all be nothing, but if she does have an eating disorder the faster you start getting to grips with it the better outcomes.

With everything you’ve shared on this thread, I would be very concerned. Speaking as an adult woman who has recovered from anorexia, the behaviours you’re describing ring big, big alarm bells for an early eating disorder. You’re not overreacting - trust your instinct that something is off with her. As you say, she wasn’t overweight, she didn’t need to lose anything, and she’s lost noticeable weight quickly and is making excuses. That along with other things you’ve said… red flags. The best outcomes with disordered eating / eating disorders come from early intervention. The longer someone struggles, the harder it is to recover. She’s blessed to have you and blessed that you noticed.

I would definitely be concerned and would be seeking help ASAP.

From your description I would be very worried about an eating disorder. Or at the least deliverate dieting/disordered eating which could easily slip that way IYSWIM.
I think you need to be very careful in how you approach dealing with it, if you confront her with it she will likely just hide it better. Hopefully someone out there will have good advice of the best ways to try and intervene though as I have no clue. But absolutely sympathise with your worries.

Getting her dad to log what she has eaten, down to the spoonful.

Tracking her eating.

She's 17.
Has she found out you are doing this and is trying to break away from your control. I can imagine what I would've done at 17 if my parents were monitoring what I ate. I would have gone batshit demonstrating just how hard they could fuck off, shortly before moving out.

This place is control freak food narc central. This post fits right in.

her Dad is very literal (nd)

I did not expect this level of detail but glad ex took note

i’ve never monitored pre concern obviously. We are a loving, relaxed household. Try again please. Seems you have unresolved issues.

My first reaction to furtively tracking what a 17yo is eating was the same as yours. Until I actually READ the OPs posts and her very valid reasons to be concerned her child may have an eating disorder.
Not paying attention and getting her treatment in this case could be very dangerous or even fatal, would you also recommend a parent ignore signs of depression or self harm so as not to be a control freak? It needs to be handled sensitively but her parents absolutely have a responsibility to help and protect their child as long as they are able.