My neighbour keeps staring at me

[Sunnydaysahead22]

My neighbours both have additional needs but I don’t know to what extent.
The husband will stare at me when I’m in the back garden, to the extent that he opens his bathroom window (long horizontal opening across the top of the window) and slides his head through it sideways. When I look up as I sense I’m being watched he slides down and hides himself.
He also had his front security lights and cameras set so sensitively that as soon as I left my front door or stood anywhere in the front garden (we are detached with quite a distance between our houses) his sensor light would go off.
I have addressed this and said I didn’t want to be recorded when in my own garden, but he acted like he didn’t understand, but when I said this was against the law and he should reduce the range of his cameras this seemed to be understood and it seems to have been addressed.
He also has intercepted the postman a couple of times and said we weren’t in and offered to take our parcels, and then watches me through the window when I go over to try and collect and refuses to answer the door. The last incident he did this for a number of days, in the end I text his wife and said how many times I’d tried but maybe they weren’t in but I was desperate for the items.
Ive also noticed that the young daughter (aged 6) will also now wedge her head in the window to watch us, she must be standing on the toilet to get so high, and seems a learned behaviour.
I find it so bazaar, but not sure of the best way to address without looking like I’m being unreasonable or insane, and I am also conscious of their additional needs or understanding of what they are doing to me.

So AIBU to not want to be watched constantly.

How do you know that he intercepted the postman?

If they're staring at you out of the bathroom window how much can you see of them and they of you if you're detached with quite a distance between your houses?

YANBU OP, not sure why the first two posters have to start the classic MN inquisition 😂There's loads of distance between me and the house on the corner opposite (about 15 metres) and I regularly see them watching us from their bathroom window. We ignore them, I'm not sure there is anything you can do other than ignore or move?

This is seriously creepy.

I would like to know how the OP knows that he intercepted the postman. Nothing wrong with wanting to know that. Hardly an inquisition, are you normally so dramatic?

I don't think my question qualified as "the classic Mumsnet inquisition" either.

Record them doing it and tell them you'll be involving the police due to harassment if they continue. I understand they have additional needs but being made to feel that uncomfortable in your own home is out of order. Do they have any kind of social workers or frequent family members visiting who you could approach before doing what I said first?

I would like to know how the OP knows that he intercepted the postman. Nothing wrong with wanting to know that

Yes, I was wondering also, don’t think it’s bizarre. If the OP watched the postman give the neighbour her parcels then it was odd to just watch. It would be typical to then go out and tell the postie you are there and it’s all very odd, rather than watching. Or, is it a case of not knowing they were her parcels until later, in which case why was she watching the next door neighbour and the postie? Unless it’s a neighbourhood where everyone is watching everyone out of windows with everyone thinking the others are odd🤣.

I agree.

Can;t you shout morning really loudly to them? Or seen enough?

Additional needs don't trump your right to privacy OP.
I am wondering what these needs are, especially if they are in charge of a young child, it is quite concerning that she is copying their behaviour.
I think I would ask them nicely to call it quits with the staring and if nothing changes, depending on their needs call adult social care?
Also, if you order anything online mark it 'not to be left at number ?? under any circumstances'.

Do you have a safe space to leave any post/parcels that won't fit through your letterbox? Between that, and stating that parcels should not be left at number X, it might keep your parcels out of their clutches 😮Could you have a word with the postie about it?

If they're the type to look through your windows, privacy film is a blessing, but a pain to apply. Assuming that it's not a bungalow, you can't really do much if your fence or hedge(s) aren't ridiculously high.

I hate neighbours that stare, but you're definitely not unreasonable in wanting to have privacy in your own garden!

Urgh he sounds like a right creep.

Firstly get in touch with your sorting office and make it clear they’re not to hand parcels to your neighbour( they’re not supposed to anyway).

As for their odd staring behaviour there’s not much you can do about that.
I would wear a huge sombrero so they can’t see your face. 😂

Sadly, staring out their own window is not a crime. You can report to police and if you get a sympathetic officer they may go and have a word with them about it but there is little by the way of enforcement that can be done.

You could report to children's services your concern about a 6yr old climbing to hang out the bathroom window though.

Otherwise, all you can do is try to limit what they might see, maybe put up an awning or a pergola and put a note on your door saying don't leave parcels with neighbours.

To see a lot of what you are seeing you must be watching them too, to some extent.

Ive got a window like you’ve said and I’m not sure my head would fit through it. How does he see that you are outside to put his head out to specifically see you? because bathroom windows generally are frosted.

The whole thing sounds a bit odd though, granted.

I saw it on my ring

To clarify, I was home expecting a parcel. When I was emailed to say they’d been delivered I checked the photo on the Royal Mail site and it was next door. I watched the ring and saw him approach the postman and take it in, before the postman even tried our house.

We have too, albeit I’ve never tried! It’s a full width opening, and he must stretch his neck and tilt to fit.

I am not watching them at all. But it’s hard to miss a head jammed in a small window opening on a frequent basis.

Do you have a regular postie? If you do, might be worth saying that your post is never to go to next door. It is very odd that they are so interested in your life though

No idea what they can see, given it’s not us doing the watching.
It’s the concept of being watched I don’t like.
I’m not really sure you get the point 😏

Wave, Smile and ask "How can I help you?" when you see them looking. It has worked for me. Nosey neighbours duck when I hove into view now.

Sounds like you’ve moved to Royston Vasey. Can you plant a big hedge?

If the light is dim when the staring is occurring get a really strong flashlight and aim it straight for his eyes.