To think this was unhelpful

[WhenSunnyGetsBlue]

I live with my dad in a small flat with my 12 month old DD (moved out of a DV situation). We get on great and have had no arguments since she was born. Out paths don't cross often and we see each other surprisingly little despite living under the same roof.

I do all the cleaning etc and obviously look after DD. Longest I have been away from her is 1 hour. You get the picture.

It's been a particularly hard week. My dad's leaving for work and sees me sitting on the middle of the floor with my DD asleep on my lap surrounding by a room full of mess.

Conversation goes:
D: has she been busy this morning?
Me: yeah, Im exhausted
D: why?
Me: I've been up with her all night (DD is usually a great sleeper but for whatever reason 3 nights on a row we've been up at 1 am).
D: well she needs to sleep then.
Me: I wish she would! (Said jokingly but with a feeling of being misunderstood) I've tidied up about 6 times already this morning. She's running around leaving a trail of destruction in her wake.
D: well she needs to tidy up after herself. You should only let her get one thing out at a time.
Me: But I was on the toilet and trying to get dressed! It's not that easy.
D: well why didn't you take her with you?
Me: (in my head) because I wanted five minutes peace from you lot! (If you know the book, then you know!)
D: I'm not helping am I?
Me: not really, it's ok. You look smart. Have a nice day.
D: you too hope your day is better.

Door shuts.

Me: puts sleeping baby in pushchair and tidies up for the seventh time. Makes a mental note of all the jobs that need doing. Swigs cold coffee and rants on Mumsnet so I don't actually burst into tears.

If you got this far 🙌

Thanks for listening to my rant. I know I'm being unreasonable but I'm exhausted and need to let it out. Feel better now.

Have you applied to your local council to be put on the housing register? Or are you looking to buy, private rent?

Be reasonable, I’m sure she isn’t living in a small space with a parent for shits and giggles. Did you miss the bit where OP said she’s moved out of a DV situation?!

it sounds hard OP, it’s tough doing everything on your own. You just sound really tired.

I had a baby in a small flat too- we were out a lot, it was the only way to keep anything tidy!

Council could help but I think only if your dad stated he’s going to turf you out and you’ll be homeless. And even then there’s a risk you could end up in a hostel depending on what demand is like in your part of the country. Even if it’s a small flat you may well be not be overcrowded according to council rules.

Im sure you know all of this though.

I mean that seems quite a reasonable exchange. He's let his feelings be known without being too harsh, and the it ended with pleasantries. He's probably felt better for saying something but has ended it politely

Thank you. He comes back to a clean and tidy flat every night, it's not the mess. My dad is awesome,I'm very lucky. He was trying to be helpful but I just just need solidarity from someone because I'm bloody exhausted!! 😅

Being helpful is letting you and DD live there. I don’t think he said anything awful. It’s not an easy situation for anyone, is there an end date in sight?

Does your dad really think a one year old can tidy up after herself? 🤔

You sound exhausted OP, which of course you are. You’ve escaped a high stress situation (well done) and have a safe place to land with your dad. Which is great.

Your dad will be annoying sometimes. Try to focus on the positives and brush off smaller irritations like this.

Are you going to any baby groups where you can talk about everything with other mums?

The conversation wasn't meant to be helpful though. It was just a "hello" type chat.

If she normally sleeps through the night then stop taking her out of her cot at 1am otherwise you will never get any sleep again.

Well I think youvare doing a great job op.
You got your daughter out of a dangerous situation and it sounds like she is thriving.
1 year olds are exhausting.

Thank you, this was what I needed. She's amazing but it's been a hard week.

I don’t think anything in that exchange was noteworthy at all. I think you’re just exhausted and over-sensitive like we all are when we are dog tired. Don’t read anything into it, try to rest and have a lazy day and move on. Be kind to yourself.

If it’s a small flat, your dad will also have been woken multiple times in the last few days even if he didn’t have to get up to care for the baby. So he’s likely tired too and not at his best. And it is stressful if you are a tidy person to leave for work with the house looking like a bombshell so given it’s his flat, he’s not a total monster for very mildly verbalising this.

You’re exhausted and taking things personally but I really don’t think your dad said anything wrong. Hope your little one sleeps well tonight

He sounds maybe a bit clueless but he didn't say anything wrong. Hopefully you'll feel better after a good sleep, which I hope you get soon.

He would sleep through an explosion on the next room 😂

Have you asked him if the baby has woken him? Not many people however heavily they sleep will not wake with a baby crying in the next room. And once awake (at 1am!) he’s unlikely to easily get back to sleep if your baby had managed to make enough mess between 1am and 8am that you’ve had to tidy the living space 7 times! Shes not just cuddled up with you quietly listening to a book or watching an iPad with headphones.

The flat is cleaner and tidier because I'm there. I know my dad and I know he was trying be helpful by giving advice. I guess I just needed some validation.

He has never been woken up by the baby.

Young children can be exhausting and you're in a difficult situation all living together in a small flat. I don't think your dad was unreasonable and he's clearly being supportive by letting you stay there. Unfortunately I can't see this being a long-term practical solution though, but that's for another day when you're not so tired. I appreciate your relationship with you ex was DV but does he have your DD to give you a break? Being a single parent is hard 💐

Doesn’t sound like he was being woken up multiple times a night as he wasn’t aware the baby hadn’t slept 🤷🏻‍♀️

Quite clear to me that OP came on for a bit of solidarity, not a ribbing on how much she’s disrupting her dad’s home life.

I don’t think either of you are wrong here.

You’re doing an amazing job raising your child after an abusive relationship and that’s not easy, but equally it must be hard for your dad to suddenly find himself living with his adult daughter and a toddler.

Try not to take his comments personally or as an attack on you - it sounds like he was just making conversation and trying to offer practical support whereas you wanted more emotional support and empathy, that’s all.

Thank you. He is very happy that we are there. We have of course talked about it a lot.

If her ex is knowingly violent perhaps OP doesn’t feel particularly comfortable letting him care for a very small child unsupervised…