To think this was unhelpful

[WhenSunnyGetsBlue]

I live with my dad in a small flat with my 12 month old DD (moved out of a DV situation). We get on great and have had no arguments since she was born. Out paths don't cross often and we see each other surprisingly little despite living under the same roof.

I do all the cleaning etc and obviously look after DD. Longest I have been away from her is 1 hour. You get the picture.

It's been a particularly hard week. My dad's leaving for work and sees me sitting on the middle of the floor with my DD asleep on my lap surrounding by a room full of mess.

Conversation goes:
D: has she been busy this morning?
Me: yeah, Im exhausted
D: why?
Me: I've been up with her all night (DD is usually a great sleeper but for whatever reason 3 nights on a row we've been up at 1 am).
D: well she needs to sleep then.
Me: I wish she would! (Said jokingly but with a feeling of being misunderstood) I've tidied up about 6 times already this morning. She's running around leaving a trail of destruction in her wake.
D: well she needs to tidy up after herself. You should only let her get one thing out at a time.
Me: But I was on the toilet and trying to get dressed! It's not that easy.
D: well why didn't you take her with you?
Me: (in my head) because I wanted five minutes peace from you lot! (If you know the book, then you know!)
D: I'm not helping am I?
Me: not really, it's ok. You look smart. Have a nice day.
D: you too hope your day is better.

Door shuts.

Me: puts sleeping baby in pushchair and tidies up for the seventh time. Makes a mental note of all the jobs that need doing. Swigs cold coffee and rants on Mumsnet so I don't actually burst into tears.

If you got this far 🙌

Thanks for listening to my rant. I know I'm being unreasonable but I'm exhausted and need to let it out. Feel better now.

Is he really though? In your situation I would, of course, let a child come home with my grandchild. I'd never let on that I wasn't happy about it either because I wouldn't want them to feel bad, and I'd feel a bit stuck if I didn't feel like I had a choice (for their sake) but to let it continue. Of course he might really be happy, just food for thought.

I thought Dad sounds lovely from that little exchange.

He really is the sweetest and so kind

This. You’re dog-tired and presumably recovering from leaving a DV relationship. Your Dad (obviously) doesn’t fully understand but has given you somewhere to live at the expense of his own space and privacy. Cut him some slack.

Sounds like you need a bit of joy and fun in your life

it’s stressful living with someone else and feeling obliged to keep it clean

I remember the freedom of leaving my abusive situation and the utter joy of leaving a dirty mug out and a cardigan on the sofa and not getting anxious about it, knowing it was all my home and I could keep it exactly how I wanted and nothing bad was going to happen

hopefully that will be you soon

do you have friends you can ask for a pick me up evening out ?

He’s doing the man thing of trying to solve your problem, when you just needed a moan. Sounds like he picked up on that though and stfu before he made things worse 😂 it gets better op and you are best placed to know whether he’s happy with you there. Ignore all the ‘ food for thought’ snide comments. Kids are arseholes, it will get better . Have a nap💐

Also no reason at all why this can’t be a long term thing if everyone is happy. Multi generational living can work well.

I feel like you are feeling under appreciated for all the housework and cleaning you do for your dad. I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself to keep the place tidy, if your dad is going out to work anyway you really do not need to tidy away the toys again and again, just leave them out to be played with and tidy once at the end of the day. Your DD is getting to the age where she is more mobile and you should be able to ask your dad to watch her for ten minutes in the morning so you can shower and use the loo. Yes he is doing a lot for you in letting you stay with him but he is your dad, he should want to make your life easier when you are feeling so overwhelmed. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Thank you!! You got it in one.

He didn't say anything awful at all.

Acknowledging mess and making suggestions isn't awful. You're doing your best and he's seeing that.

He's a great dad for letting you move in.

Big hugs OP. When things are hard sometimes we just want to be heard rather than given a solution. Or to be told it’s our own fault!

Declutter and have toys on rotation so there’s less stuff able to be dragged out.

YANBU to feel exhausted and overwhelmed.

Sounds like your Dad was making a clumsy attempt to problem solve rather than empathise.

Also he might want the problem ‘solved’ (‘take her with you’) because he feels upset to see you exhausted and struggling.

Moments come and go.

I hope you can drink your next coffee while it’s hot, and that Dd sleeps better.

It's a difficult situation all round and it can be frustrating sharing a small space.

He didn't say anything horrible though and is supporting you; you're tired and not at your vest. Let it go.

You're not unreasonable to feel exhausted and needing to vent. 1-year-olds are very cute and very draining and very precious and downright rude all the time - even at the best of times. You just escaped from a DV situation - probably emotionally drained and with with a brittle and raw nervous system. You're doing great, and your dad sounds like he's really trying - just got it wrong this morning. No, giving advice isn't really helpful. Watching his granddaughter for 10 minutes would've been - but if he didn't have time for that, at least shutting up and getting to work was probably a good idea 😂I wish you the best and hope you find the time for a cup of hot coffee and a nap today!

This with bells on!!

If the baby is sleeping, close the curtains, and curl up and have a nap!

Obviously don't sleep all day or baby will be up all night again.

Have a lazy day, we all need those, this afternoon maybe try to get out for a little fresh air and have a takeaway tonight.

Everyone here is trying solve your housing issue when that's not what this thread is about so ignore and have a nap.

I don’t understand what you think was “unhelpful” in this exchange? He didn’t say anything out of turn as far as I’m concerned?