Am I the only one?

[SansaStark90]

Am I the only one who is covered in stretch marks? I’m almost four months pp, and it’s really getting me down. Really down. All I saw during pregnancy was photos of unblemished bumps. Friends telling me they had none and they’d be gutted if they had them. I even went for them Microneedling the other week and the beautician said they weren’t that common and shed had hers removed when she had a tummy tuck. I feel like the only woman who is ravaged by them. I walk around feeling that under my clothes I look a monster.

Stretch marks are normal! I have loads from 2 babies. They do fade over time. My Los are 3 and 6 now and they always ask about them. I say they're my warrior marks from when you were on my belly and they remind me of that, the smile over this. Don't worry about them, you carried a beautiful baby and have the marks to show it.

I strongly advise therapy. It’s true, therapists listen. They supoort and guide you to change your mindset and/or move forward. So, it only works if you want to understand why you feel this way and want to change it. I’d ask your GP or health visitor to refer you to a therapist who specialises in post-natal depression, as the feelings of imperfection you have may be linked to PP hormone levels/exhaustion.

If you’re four months PP, your body has very recently done an incredible thing creating new life. And presumably you have a beautiful baby, who’s your pride and joy. It may help to think of the marks as warrior marks showing how strong you and your body were to go through pregnancy and childbirth. Or love marks, showing how you and your baby were once one. IME, it takes about a year to fully physically recover from pregnancy and childbirth.

Most women (and men come to that) who are considered beautiful are full of imperfections: stretch marks, blemishes, cellulite etc. That’s because beauty comes from within. It’s not only about physicality, but the spirit that shines through a face and body. Mean spirited people rarely look beautiful, even if their physicality ticks a lot of (current social norm) boxes. Ashley Graham and Chrissy Teigen, to name just two women, have spoken openly about their PP stretch marks.

IMHO the most important thing is to spend time with people who love you. I’d never dream of making a friend feel awful about stretch marks so soon after giving birth. Have they not heard of PND? It’s insensitive and unkind, rather than loving and caring, as friends should be.

Be kind to yourself. They do fade over time ❤️

I had so many, i was a teen too when DS1 was born, even the doctor commented on them (doc came on a home visit to check my stitches / bad bruising I had due to an assisted delivery, failed ventouse and forceps). He said they’d fade, and they have. But I am jealous of the people who get none.

You don't need any risky and unnecessary surgery. You just had a baby and are a mom now. Your friends sound like a bunch of assholes. Like you baby, you are a human being. How would you feel if the people around your child judged his or her worth on looks?

OP, I think some therapy for your low self-esteem might be a far better investment in your future and that of your child. Because at some point your child will start to pick up on how you see yourself and they are danger of treating themselves just as badly.

Stretch marks are completely normal, you've prompted me to look at mine now, but I hadn't even thought of them in ages. They're just a normal part of my body!

It sounds like you have a particularly image-focussed group of friends. (Just going from what you've said - none of mine have had bump photoshoots or would be devastated about stretch marks etc). Remember that social media isn't reality - people will choose the most 'flattering' photos and photos with any perceived imperfections won't be posted!

Please try not to compare yourself to others. Maybe have a break from social media,and you could also try meeting some new mum friends who are less focussed on their image and more supportive of each other.

Be kind to yourself, you've just grown a new person and they deserve a mum who is confident and proud of herself.

Yep, two of my young adult DSs have such huge ones on their backs they look like they’ve been whipped! It’s from growth spurts. They’re both slim and naturally muscular. They’ve never been overweight/lost weight. Most people have them somewhere to some extent. It’s normal.

Online, some people pretend they and their lives are ‘perfect’. An exciting life, well lived, always leaves multiple marks. Who wants to be boringly perfect, like an overproduced record?

Your friends sound like smug a-holes. And likely to be lying. You need better friends.
I'm not overweight and I have stretch marks from puberty and from pregnancy. It is very common.

I describe my tummy as spaghetti junction. PP I was very upset about them but my mum said “Jane” would give anything for those. (Jane being the name of a good family friend). That helped me to feel less self conscious.

I got divorced and was convinced with my tummy I’d be single forever. Happy to say I’ve been married 21 years and of course my stretch marks have faded.

My stretch marks looked like a map of the London Underground and are still visible although they have faded in the 19 years since I was last pregnant.

I've never had kids but I've still got absolutely loads of them. All women do from when their bodies change shape. There's nothing to be ashamed about. Your mate with her tummy tuck probably is just trying to justify the fact she spent fortunes on an intrusive surgery.

I had that when I was a child. I did swimming and my mum was always worried people would think she was hurting me! They really did look like I’d been whipped. They have faded but you can still see them faintly.

I've had them on my boobs since puberty and my hips from weight gain in my 20s. Weirdly, I didn't get any from pregnancy which must be an unexpected benefit from all that weight gain in my 20s. I believe some people get them on their face which must be tough.

Your stretch marks will fade.

You have a bigger problem with your so called "friends" though. Why surround yourself with that kind of negativity and criticism, that's worse for you than stretch marks will ever be.

I've never had a baby but I've had stretchmarks on my hips and to the sides of my boobs since I was 12 and I also have some on my lower abdomen from weight loss a few years ago.

My brother has them too - they appeared on his legs when he had a growth spurt in his teens. They never go away completely but they do fade.

As a man with a DP who has quite prominent stretchmarks, I very much doubt that your partner thinks that at all.

My DP is incredibly beautiful to me, and the things that she'd call "flaws" are part of what makes her beautiful.

She's got slightly gappy front teeth that she's always hated. She's had them fixed now and to be honest I miss her old smile.

There's a big birthmark on the back of her leg which she loathes, but I like it. It looks like a map of a tropical island, and I've named particular places on the map (I've not told her this)

And her stretchmarks are a reminder of how amazing she is. They're from weightloss rather than pregnancy, and they're a reminder of how hard she worked to overcome a lifetime of bad habits and an unhealthy relationship with food. I watched her go through that and know exactly how hard she struggled to change her life.

I’m just catching up on replies. Thank you ladies! I really do need new friends. I’ve felt it a while. Meeting up it’s just a photo shoot for Instagram and vacuous conversation. But making new friends mid 30’s I wouldn’t know where to start!

@EdithBond i reallyyyy wanted to love therapy. Two I just didn’t gel with. The one I liked, I went for two months every week and I just felt I was talking away but not getting anywhere. Recounting problems and going in circles. I need to go back and maybe put more work in. Talking to my inner child sounds good and like the kind of therapist I’m after!

They will fade .Think of Shirley valentine “He kissed me stretch marks” that still makes me smile now.

@SansaStark90 are you on mat leave? Go to every baby activity going, you'll meet other mums and some are bound to be people you can get along with. I moved to a new area as my DD started school and made a brilliant group of new friends who were mums /dads of her classmates. Your child can be a great way to meet new adults!

With therapy you have to find a therapist and a style you click with. I've had a shed load over the years, and sometimes tried a new one and felt like you describe. I just move on til I find one I can work with.

I’ve got them from two pregnancies and some were oldeady on my hips from puberty. None of us are ‘perfect’ whatever any kind of media tries to tell you.
They do go silvery over time. At some point you’ll get to a point where you see the marks and wrinkles on your body as signs you have lived! X

I would say your friends have been very lucky if they have none at all. Anything you see on SM is the perfect image but is mostly staged. Search out influencers who don't project only perfect images. No recs but I know they will be out there, engage with one and others will feed your time line. Or break from SM and concentrate on your little family. I didn't get many in my first pregnancy and put it down to my use of bio oil, started using it from the very beginning in my second and they waited till I was about 37 weeks and the popped out all over my bump, not product, just luck first time round. I've got them from puberty too on my breasts. Concentrate on how amazing it is that your stomach stretched to accommodate a whole human being and then shrank back to help protect your precious organs. They may fade over time or they may not but they are a reminder of just how incredible your body is!

Mine have. I honestly haven’t even thought about them in years. Until the thread made me have a look at them.

mine were very deep. But honestly, they are just part of me.

You may find your issues much easier to work on if you don’t have these friends around you

Absolutely not the only one. I have them and know lots that do too, I HATE the look of mine but also LOVE them because they are the marks from my 4 beautiful babies that I grew in my tummy and I am thankful for that.

Sorry OP, that sounds awful. I'm not even on social media, there are plenty of us in our 30s, new mums happy to make other new mum friends, who will build you up instead of push you down.

I was fat, before I got pregnant, so I already had them. I’m 5 months PP, and I’ve got proper “tiger stripes”. They’re massive, and pink, and some are raised. But do you know what? IDGAF. I had a baby, and when you have a baby, most people get stretch marks. They’re just another part of me. Ignore the bitchy people, and just embrace them. You’ll feel so much better.