Am I the only one?

[SansaStark90]

Am I the only one who is covered in stretch marks? I’m almost four months pp, and it’s really getting me down. Really down. All I saw during pregnancy was photos of unblemished bumps. Friends telling me they had none and they’d be gutted if they had them. I even went for them Microneedling the other week and the beautician said they weren’t that common and shed had hers removed when she had a tummy tuck. I feel like the only woman who is ravaged by them. I walk around feeling that under my clothes I look a monster.

I have twins and weirdly I don’t seem to have any stretch marks. I’ve noticed my slim DD aged 15 has some on her hips/bottom so it really is just luck of the draw!

What I do have instead are ugly, twisted varicose veins that are clearly visible if I wear shorts or a knee-length summer dress. I’d gladly swap them for stretch marks on my tummy that no one will see when I’m out in public!

I mean this with absolute love, but I think you’re focussing on the wrong thing here. Sure, get some bio oil/cocoa butter/any other recommended treatment - but I think your goal should be learning to love and accept your body for the beautiful, incredible thing that it is.

Apologies if I’ve missed this - but have you seen your friend’s bodies naked in real life? Because photographers can very easily airbrush out stretch marks and other imperfections….

Stretch marks are not ugly and yours don’t even sound that bad! Not being able to look in the mirror suggests some really deep-seated issues around self-esteem. I’m sorry you’re feeling so awful. I wish I could make you feel better, or help you to see that pale silvery stretch marks don’t stop your body being gorgeous.

Maybe imagine a friend saying all of this to you. Or maybe a daughter when she’s grown-up. Would you think their body was ugly? Or would you tell them that they’re gorgeous and stretch marks make zero difference? Show yourself the same love and kindness ❤️💐

I have them on knees, thighs and bum from puberty, and stomach and boobs from pregnancy. The stomach and boob ones have really settled down to match the others now LO is 2.
Yours will almost certainly look much much better with time too. However they will never go away completely so if you can mentality reframe how you think about them, I really would.try. They show what you're body did, growing a baby, which is an amazing thing.

I’m really sorry you’re struggling with this OP. For what it’s worth they do fade over time but I do think it would be worth trying to reframe it for the sake of your own body image- they are not a bad thing and nothing to be ashamed of!

I have a beautiful nearly 1 year old daughter, my body was her first home, she literally grew inside me for 9 months, I had no stretch marks throughout my whole pregnancy until the last week when they appeared in full force. They are my baby’s stamp on my body I suppose & are a reminder of what an amazing thing I did there. They have definitely faded with time but also I don’t really care, they are just a part of my body the same way me knees or my elbows are, they are such a natural and normal thing, especially after having a baby, the amount your body has to stretch!

I’m now pregnant with my second baby and I’m sure they’ll come back again this time, and that’s okay!

If you are looking at photos, you are only seeing what Other People want you to see. You are not seeing What Is.

They are two different things.

You are still newly post party Op give your body time to heal. I had a very wrinkly tummy for the first year, at 30 months pp it’s only around the belly button (or I have gotten used to it)! I feel like micro needling will be very expensive for a not guaranteed result, but obviously do what you think is best. I was really horrified at my postpartum vet second time around you are not alone!

What a kind response. I have always felt less than in every way to other people and always felt immense pressure to be perfect. So I see these marks as being more than imperfection. They make me inferior. But that’s just me. You are right I’d feel terrible for someone else if they said that and also not believe it. All my dads side of the family have varicose veins where they have required surgery and upto now, mid 30’s I haven’t got any. Again, I don’t see varicose veins as bad on someone else. On me though I’d be crying. I guess it’s this perception of myself I don’t know how to change and need help with. I went to three different therapists but they never spoke back! I even said to one, I’m not going to talk as I go on too much, I’ll listen. And she said that’s my job. I need a therapist to guide me. Change my mind set.

I have TERRIBLE stretch marks and 2 c section scars over saggy skin, with a lovely muffin top of fat that I really struggle to move. I have spent years improving a diastitis recti that is underneath it all. After I had my first baby, all of my friends couldn't wait to show me how lovely their tummies were or their tiny little stretch marks and I felt awful about it for years. If I had a gorgeous stomach after giving birth, I guess I would show it off too, so those are the images you see. Just like you only see the best bits of everyone's holidays.

But look a bit more closely my friend and there are women rocking bikinis with stretch marks and saggy skin. I saw a pilates mummy at Legoland with a killer body and loads of stretchy skin. She is STILL my body goal! Try and get your head around them, make sure you nourish your body (it's a marathon, not a sprint) and wear them like your baby tattooed you!

Take care of yourself, make sure your tummy muscles aren't split as you do need support for this.

Finally, this is just the beginning of the comparisons. Some women seem to breathe their baby out, feed with no problem, get them to school in full glam and remind you all of time how natural it all feels to them. You just crack on with you.

I have been reading your other posts on another thread so know you have had as little sleep as me. I’m glad you have such a positive take on them. At the moment, I don’t know how my mind will ever get back to seeing myself in a good light

I had my kids in my twenties, I was slim and I got them. They were long like tiger stripes, angry and red at first then silver and less dented now they are skin coloured and only a slight indentation. Luckily I knew it was a possibility as my mum had them and so did my cousin. I later got some on my thighs and breast after a bit of weight gain. Dh has them on his arms from muscle gain. Some of my friends got them and some didn’t.

it comes down to how stretched your skin was before pregnancy( so more likely to happen to slim people) . How oily your skin is, how quickly your bump grows. Using oils can help but unlikely to prevent them entirely.

Try to change your outlook, your body has changed because you grew a whole human being. Also if your friends are making you feel crappy about yourself then they are not good friends.

@SansaStark90Therapeutic counselling is about the counsellor listening to you and reflecting back to you what you are saying and helping you explore what that means. Things tend to stick better when we figure them out for ourselves rather than when someone tells us what to do.

but if that style of therapy wasn’t for you you might fair better with CBT which challenges negative thought processes and mindset. It’s much more targeted so less talking about yourself. Or a life coach if you need something very directive.

Hi OP, my little boy is 16 months old, I’m also pregnant with my second. I have stretch marks all over my belly. I’ve also got stretch marks on my hips and thighs from puberty and gaining and losing weight over the years. My toxic mother is more bothered by my stretch marks than I am. The way I see it is the stretch marks on my stomach are evidence of carrying my beautiful boy and I’m bloody proud of them and what my body did. I will say that even the ones that feel and look really deep, do fade and do feel less deep given time. I have one particular bad one right down the middle of my stomach. Your body did an incredible thing only 4 months ago! Give yourself some grace, you’re doing a brilliant job x

Your mum has commented on them? That’s beyond toxic.

It does apply. I’ve just peered at my stomach and I can’t even see mine at a quick glance. Mine were white like yours - a kind of bright, silvery white - but now they’re hardly noticeable. They do fade over time and kind of ‘re-integrate’ into the skin. The only stretch marks I can see now are the ones on my hip, but they’re only noticeable to me because I know they’re there and they are from puberty not pregnancy!

I’m sure your tummy is fine. It takes around 9 months to get more of your figure back (9 months to get that way, 9 months to get back, as they say) and the other changes, like stretch marks, fade over time after that. What you’re seeing now is in no way how you’ll stay x

So the crepey indents will lessen? I can’t tell you how much they are bothering me. Like deep pits

Bless you. This isn't about stretch marks, this is about how you value yourself - or rather how you don't.

I'm quite a bit older than you (now 49 - yikes!) and definitely as I've gotten older, I've started to give less of a shit about being valued by some ridiculous beauty standards. I struggle with my varicose veins but maybe this summer is the year that I'll go out wearing shorts without caring what people think!

I've had lots of therapy (for other reasons) and there was something that I found that helped me. The therapist asked me to imagine my inner child, the little girl that I once was. Every time I thought something horrible about myself, the therapist suggested I imagine saying it to that little girl. I found that a REALLY powerful exercise. The suggestion was that you love and take care of that inner child within, which is essentially your self-worth and self-image. You are still that same little girl but just older. Could you judge that little girl so harshly? Could you say such awful things to her about being ugly?

Sorry, I know that probably sounds really wanky but that was one of the therapist's exercises that really hit home for me. I was in tears. Because I was like you and struggled to take care of myself, or see that I was worthy of love. And beautiful just as I was. Just like you are.

Also, don't ever feel as if you have to apologise for taking up space. As women we're conditioned by society to apologise for our existence and to be quiet, and not to talk too much about ourselves. Honestly, just fuck that. Therapy is the space for whatever you need. If that's listening, then fine. But don't feel as if you "mustn't" speak. Your voice is worth hearing ❤️

As a PP said, CBT can be helpful as it's less about dwelling on your past and more about actively tackling negative thinking. Another idea might be hypnotherapy. I've used it for other issues and found it incredibly effective. You need a practitioner that you feel you can trust - which might be male or female, depending on what you prefer. But when you find someone who you feel at ease with, hynotherapy can be fantastic for tackling deep-seated beliefs and doesn't require you to do any talking.

The reason that I think tackling your self-image and esteem is important is that even if you magically get rid of these stretch marks, then what next? There will always be something that makes you feel "less" until you're able to love yourself and show yourself the same kindness that you clearly show to others. .

I am all stretch mark. I’ve got them everywhere, even the tops of my arms and thighs and back.my breasts are look like empty socks made from corduroy 🤣

I used to be 23 stone. So I got them from getting very fat, very quickly and then losing it again. My belly is covered too, mainly from 3 pregnancies and also from being massively my fat at one point.

It doesn’t bother me though, it is what it is. And I’ve never given a shit about what other people think of me.

OP I am 8 stone and have never had children.

I have deep stretch marks on my breasts. I have ever since I was 16. I would slap my friends if they said anything like that.

Almost certainly you need new friends.
Stretch marks are completely normal, and I was very slim then giant pregnant lady. Of course I had stretch marks. And a c section scar.

The lines do fade naturally. I used aveeno everyday, and forgot about them. A fake tan makes you feel better.

Pilates will help your tummy, walking, but most of all, it doesn't matter. Don't let a few stretch marks define you. Or others judge you.

Lots of my friends and family had stretch marks, as did I. They came on very late in pregnancy for me and were bright purple, etc. I was fortunate as mine were below the bikini line, or at least below the line of anything id personally wear in public but my sister’s were higher. I’m 52 now and a just had a look - they’re very pale and silver and honestly haven’t bothered me for years. They do fade. That beautician doesn’t see many people with stretch marks because the procedure she’s offering is expensive and people are too poor and too busy to buy the service once they’ve had kids, and/or they just wait for them to fade. Try not to worry too much. (Easier said than done).

A lot is hormonal which many forget & why teenagers often get them.

Although I wasn't personally too bothered about my own pregnancy stretch marks, I certainly understand what it's like to become fixated with a certain aspect of your appearance and end up with repetitive and intrusive thoughts about it. I really sympathise with that.

One thing I noticed is that once your baby is born you go through a period of being so focussed on it that you forget to think about your own appearance for a while. Vanity creeps back eventually but by then your body is on its way back to an acceptable new normal.

I felt like this after my first baby, like I was some monster underneath my clothes because I got stretchmarks everywhere (boobs, stomach, hips, bum, thighs, behind my knees!). I felt like I’d never look nice again. I spent years maniacally microneedling them and applying bio oil to them myself at home and they improved significantly but they’re definitely still there. With my next two pregnancies I got a couple more on my belly and that was it, guess all the stretching had been done elsewhere 😅

BUT when I went into labour with my third the midwives kept saying how lucky I was that I’d had three children and had so few stretchmarks. They said it was unusual. So the treatments I’d done must of worked if they were fooled into believing that. I even did some modelling and no one mentioned/noticed them.

Most mums I’ve seen around the pool whether it’s the leisure centre, centre parcs, or on holiday abroad have stretchmarks though. Very rare for a woman to have none, and I’m hyper aware of them given how many I have so always looking and comparing. I’m also a bit miffed when I see bump pictures with no marks on social media all the time, made me feel like I had failed somehow!

Well you know, many of us have pregnancy battle scars. I have a deep, permanent c-section scar right above my pubic hair.

OP, I have no stretch marks, everyone tells me I have beautiful skin.

But I have detested my wobbly thighs since age of 13, despite all exercise and good diet. My legs are covered in spider veins and I spent over £1k on sclerotherapy that fixed only one of them.

My point is we all have something we dislike about our looks, something we have not deserved. Focus on and highlight your best bits (shiny hair, sparky eyes, nice tushy) and nurture your bad ones. Nobody is perfect - I saw a lingerie model with stretch marks on Marks website, never even given them a second thought. On the whole, you are beautiful. 🌷

I've got stretch marks on my thighs from puberty. Absolutely hated them for several years (so I fully sympathise) but they gradually faded in colour (which yours have already, which is great). No partner has ever commented on them or seemed to have an issue with them and they barely bother me now.

Moisturising
On a daily basis, carry on keeping your skin really moisturised with something rich and oily. I'm not a dermatologist but I don't think silicon patches can really do anything to address the 'grooves' aspect of stretch marks – they'll support the skin generally and calm redness (though that's not your problem) and can help raised scars flatten – but obviously raised scars aren't the issue here.

Nutrition
Also make sure your diet is full of foods that contain nutrients that support skin: A, C, E, zinc, selenium, omega-3 fatty acids, and collagen. Good beef bone broth (broth, not stock) is great for collagen, assuming you're not vegetarian/vegan. Freya is a very good brand – it's expensive, but I dilute it slightly to make it go further; or you can make your own, though it's a bit of a faff. Or get a good collagen powder (more cost-efficient) – those from bovine sources are the best for skin, but marine is decent, too (for the latter, Bare Biology is a good brand – lots of glowing reviews on the site). Once collagen powder is in a hot drink (like tea) it's undetectable in terms of taste.

Treatments
In terms of treatments that can improve stretch marks, micro needling is one option (as you're already doing), or RF micro needling (which is more expensive, admittedly). But moisturising and a good diet will help you get the best results, if you do continue down that route.

I'm really sorry you're feeling so awful. To state the obvious, new motherhood is a very intense time, your body has gone through such a lot, and you're only at the start of healing from all that. I really hope that your partner is supporting you and reassuring you.