Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unexpected Pregnancy. Should I tell him?

62 replies

Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 15:13

In shock right now and probably not thinking straight. I had sex 6 days after period so not a highly fertile time and I took the morning after pill the next morning. My period is late by 6 days and initially thought the morning after pill has thrown off my cycle any today I took a test and I am 1 - 2 weeks pregnant.

Do I tell him or not? We are not in a serious relationship but have been seeing eachother for a couple of years. I have never had a unexpected pregnancy a have always been very careful. I have 2 children and was not planning on having anymore hence taking the morning after pill.

I have been on the phone to a NHS clinic and apparently I can have a telephone consultation and then have 2 pills sent out which will stop the pregnancy. Has anyone been in this situation? I am very early which makes me feel batter about the situation as at this stage it can't be a hughe difference that taking the morning after pill?

I have never wanted to be in this situation but here I am. I don't want to share this with anyone in real life and I am also unsure if I should tell him? Do you think I should? To add we are older parents. I don't want to give too much details as it would be outing.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 27/03/2025 15:16

As long as you're sure of your decision then no I wouldn't tell him.

FOJN · 27/03/2025 15:18

No I wouldn't tell him.

FortyElephants · 27/03/2025 15:19

Why would you tell him? You aren't keeping it and he's not your partner. It's your private medical business.

Do have a think about why you took that risk though. I wouldn't be surprised if this changes how you feel about your casual thing with him.

LollyLand · 27/03/2025 15:21

I told my daughter’s father and I wish I hadn’t but I was young and thought it was the right thing to do.
He’s never been in her life but still managed to cause me a lot of upset when she was a newborn.

I would advise against it.

Saltsol · 27/03/2025 15:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

SouthLondonMum22 · 27/03/2025 15:24

Absolutely not. He doesn’t need to know.

Rewis · 27/03/2025 15:25

I think you should tell him since you've had some type of casual relationship for years and planning on continuing it (?). Assuming he's a decent person and you don't have to worry about his reaction. And you might want the IRL support for when you take the pill.

However, I also understand the posters saying you shouldn't tell him. It is upto you and what you feel is best for you.

huuskymam · 27/03/2025 15:25

You do what feels right for you. And if that's not telling him, then don't.

Bloodylovecheese · 27/03/2025 15:26

Did you tell him you were taking the morning after pill? ...there's your answer.

user1492757084 · 27/03/2025 15:26

No, it seems that you are not in a serious enough relationship.
However, do have a serious think about using better contraceptives in future.

ginasevern · 27/03/2025 15:37

You don't sound as though you want to continue with the pregnancy (and I don't blame you one bit) so why would you tell him? It's your body, your choice and if you do keep it most likely 100% your responsibility. You've already taken the morning after pill without telling him, so why do so now?

BlueMum16 · 27/03/2025 15:46

Agree with other replies, the morning after pill was your choice, and you appear to have already decided this is the right decision for you so I see no need to tell him.

You don't want a discussion.

You do need to have a conversation about future contraception though to prevent being in the situation. That is a conversation for consenting adults.

If you are thinking about going ahead with pregnancy then you should tell him.

MoreChocPls · 27/03/2025 15:54

If you’re keeping it, tell him. If not, don’t.

sheknowsitstoolate · 27/03/2025 15:57

If you’re keeping it then you should tell him. I wouldn’t if you’re not.

I’ve had the 2 pills very early before, they can send them in the post after you’ve spoken to them and it should go okay(ish).

I hope you’re okay.

Original poster
Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 15:57

I am not going ahead with the pregnancy, but part of me thinks that telling him will take a bit of a load off me as I am not going to tell anyone else ever.

Can I ask your thoughts on reasons for not telling him?

OP posts:
WildPoet · 27/03/2025 15:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Ponderingwindow · 27/03/2025 15:59

If you are continuing your sexual relationship, the two of you need to revise your birth control procedures. The evidence for us knowing that is that you needed the MAP. So while you don’t need to tell him about the pregnancy and termination, you do need to talk to him about using condoms and you likely should get a second form of birth control as well. You can play it off as just realizing you have been too casual with safety, but if you find it difficult to obfuscate, you could just tell him the full reasoning.

Original poster
Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 16:00

@sheknowsitstoolate thank you for this. Can I ask how far in the pregnancy you was?

I am assuming the earlier the less symptoms, pain etc

OP posts:
sheknowsitstoolate · 27/03/2025 16:07

@SkysdawnI was a bit late for my period so it wouldn’t have been more than a few weeks (not sure exactly) … it was like period pain and lasted a day or 2 but paracetamol worked good and then everything was back to normal.

FOJN · 27/03/2025 16:08

Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 15:57

I am not going ahead with the pregnancy, but part of me thinks that telling him will take a bit of a load off me as I am not going to tell anyone else ever.

Can I ask your thoughts on reasons for not telling him?

Edited

There is always the possibility that he likes the idea of a baby and then rather than sharing the load you could feel under pressure and perhaps start questioning a decision you seem quite sure is the right one.

SouthLondonMum22 · 27/03/2025 16:17

Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 15:57

I am not going ahead with the pregnancy, but part of me thinks that telling him will take a bit of a load off me as I am not going to tell anyone else ever.

Can I ask your thoughts on reasons for not telling him?

Edited

He may not agree. It also doesn’t seem necessary because you aren’t in a serious relationship.

Original poster
Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 16:17

@sheknowsitstoolate
Thank you. I am 6 days late so quite early also. The pregnancy test 1 - 2 weeks pregnant.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 16:42

To add he also doesn't want anymore children and we will more than likely continue our relationship. I will be getting on the contraceptive pill ASAP and will never trust the mornings after pill again.

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 27/03/2025 16:50

If you’re going to have an abortion, then no, don’t tell him.

Chonk · 27/03/2025 16:51

No, I wouldn't tell him. But why didn't you use contraception if you didn't want to fall pregnant?