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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Unexpected Pregnancy. Should I tell him?

62 replies

Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 15:13

In shock right now and probably not thinking straight. I had sex 6 days after period so not a highly fertile time and I took the morning after pill the next morning. My period is late by 6 days and initially thought the morning after pill has thrown off my cycle any today I took a test and I am 1 - 2 weeks pregnant.

Do I tell him or not? We are not in a serious relationship but have been seeing eachother for a couple of years. I have never had a unexpected pregnancy a have always been very careful. I have 2 children and was not planning on having anymore hence taking the morning after pill.

I have been on the phone to a NHS clinic and apparently I can have a telephone consultation and then have 2 pills sent out which will stop the pregnancy. Has anyone been in this situation? I am very early which makes me feel batter about the situation as at this stage it can't be a hughe difference that taking the morning after pill?

I have never wanted to be in this situation but here I am. I don't want to share this with anyone in real life and I am also unsure if I should tell him? Do you think I should? To add we are older parents. I don't want to give too much details as it would be outing.

OP posts:

Original poster

Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 16:52

@CurlewKate @Chonk
Can I ask you both for your reasons not to tell him?

OP posts:

WickWood · 27/03/2025 16:56

I would tell him, i couldn't imagine being pregnant (regardless of my decision) and not telling my partner. You say you've been with him a couple of years, not days or weeks, would he not want to support you?

Sorry you're in this difficult situation x

MellowPinkDeer · 27/03/2025 16:58

Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 16:42

To add he also doesn't want anymore children and we will more than likely continue our relationship. I will be getting on the contraceptive pill ASAP and will never trust the mornings after pill again.

I’d hate to have any kind of relationship with this huge lie in it. I’d have to tell him. It’s wouldn’t be up for discussion but I’d have to tell him.

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/03/2025 16:59

I don’t think it’s information he needs to know. You aren’t committed to each other, so his reaction is irrelevant.

If you really want to tell him, tell him - but I think you need to establish in your head what you’re hoping his response will be and whether you’re going to be upset if he doesn’t respond like that. If he just says “oh, what a pain, glad you’ve sorted it out” and has no interest in talking about it ever again, will you be okay with that? Or are you hoping he’ll want to talk about it and “be there for you.”

If the latter, and you want support, I think you’re better off telling a good friend tbh.

Alwayslurkingsometimesposting · 27/03/2025 17:01

Going against the grain here but I would definitely tell him as you're planning to continue the casual relationship so presumably like him. You need someone to support you through the abortion and you said you aren't going to tell anyone else. If you keep it to yourself it will always be in the back of your mind when you're with him from now on and you'll probably tell him eventually, so i would do it now so he can help you through this (assuming he's a good man)

AlmondLoaf · 27/03/2025 17:02

6 days after your period is fertile, ovulation usually occurs around day 14 of cycle and sperm can survive 5 days.
So average period length and 6 days after that can easily take you to ovulation.
Morning after pill is not contraception.. It doesn't work if you already ovulated, you need to use proper contraception next time.
Don't tell him if you are planning to abort.

TheRealMrsFeltz · 27/03/2025 17:02

Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 15:57

I am not going ahead with the pregnancy, but part of me thinks that telling him will take a bit of a load off me as I am not going to tell anyone else ever.

Can I ask your thoughts on reasons for not telling him?

Edited

The only reason I wouldn’t tell him were if you thought he might change your mind and make it more stressful for you.

But if you think he’d be support for you then yes, I probably would.

minnienono · 27/03/2025 17:04

If you are aborting i would not tell him

Gemini29 · 27/03/2025 17:04

Have you got a friend you could tell? Ive been there for friends and it's helped them a lot. Then you can tell him after the fact if you want when he's less likely to male promises he cant keep

TimetoPour · 27/03/2025 17:08

Nope. You haven’t made a decision to have baby together. This is a collection of cells in your body at this point. You have every right to go ahead and not say a word.

Coming from someone who has been there, continued the relationship and had kids further down the line when the time was right and it was a joint decision.

Original poster

Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 17:10

@AlmondLoaf
It was 6 days including period. So by day 6 my period had stopped and that is when we had sex. I took the morning after pill in day 7 from start of period.

OP posts:

Endofyear · 27/03/2025 17:11

I think only you can make the decision to tell him, or not. You know him - do you think he will be supportive of your decision not to continue the pregnancy? If you think he'll be caring and supportive of you, and you want to continue the relationship then I would probably tell him. If you're in a relationship, it's not great to have a big secret like this and if it were to come out much later, he would probably be upset that you didn't share it with him.

Sarah2891 · 27/03/2025 17:11

I wouldn't tell him. I know you say he doesn't want more kids but he might feel differently if he knows you are pregnant.

AlmondLoaf · 27/03/2025 17:13

Ah right then you probably ovulated early which is possible, if sperm survived 5 days that took you to day 11.
Maybe the morning after pill failed, this is why they say never have sex unless you are ttc unfortunately.

Upsidedownagain · 27/03/2025 17:17

I'd tell him. Technically it's a shared problem though the decision and the consequence is all yours. If you need support and you think he'll give you that, why not?

Back in the mists of time, I told my then boyfriend and he was very supportive - I found out late so it involved a hospital procedure. At no time did he attempt to persuade me of anything. The event made me realise I didn't see our relationship as serious but it was a few months before we broke up.

Poppyseeds79 · 27/03/2025 17:21

I suppose it depends on why you want him to know? If it's in a "ok, so we've had this pregnancy situation. Which will be resolved, but we really need to review contraception going forward". Then I can understand that.

If it's just a "I'm ending a very early pregnancy but wanted you to know, just so you know". Then I wouldn't tell him.

The reasons why personally I wouldn't are;
You've already made your decision.
There's nothing to be gained from telling him.
You might end up drawn into a conversation that you don't really need right now.
If he reacts in anyway differently from how you might expect him to it could just be upsetting.

CurlewKate · 27/03/2025 17:21

@SkysdawnBecause it’s none of his business. You don’t know how he will
react- there is a strong possibility that he will
make it more difficult for you.

aCatCalledFawkes · 27/03/2025 17:41

CurlewKate · 27/03/2025 17:21

@SkysdawnBecause it’s none of his business. You don’t know how he will
react- there is a strong possibility that he will
make it more difficult for you.

How can he make it more difficult for her? He can't stop her he can only stop there relationship.

Legally OP of course it's just medical procedure and you are not obliged to tell anyone one. However I would tell him if you think he will stick I around to hold your hand and look after you, for me it was like a heavy painful period.

I was in a similar situation with a very long term friend who left me in the lurch when I told him. I didn't want him to want it but I would of appreciated someone taking care of me whilst I was going through it. On the upside I saw his true colours so I'm glad the trash took itself out.

Scorpion84 · 27/03/2025 17:47

I had a termination at 5 weeks so very early . The pills worked and obviously not a pleasant experience but the bleeding was like a heavy period with minimal pain , probably because it was so early.

Original poster

Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 18:28

@Scorpion84
Thank you, that is really helpful to know. Can I ask if you are counting 5 weeks from the day of your last period or from conception? As I think that is how the pregnancy test counts it

I only ask as my pregnancy test said I was 1-2 weeks.

OP posts:

CurlewKate · 27/03/2025 18:59

@aCatCalledFawkeslt doesn’t take much imagination to think of ways he could make things difficult for her!

Idontknowhatnametochoose · 27/03/2025 19:05

I wouldn't tell him. He might feel differently with the reality of an actual pregnancy and try to change your mind. He could complicate things hugely for you and your relationship.

Far easier to just go and get it done.

RedHelenB · 27/03/2025 19:30

Comedycook · 27/03/2025 15:16

As long as you're sure of your decision then no I wouldn't tell him.

This.

Scorpion84 · 27/03/2025 20:02

Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 18:28

I only ask as my pregnancy test said I was 1-2 weeks.

Edited

That was based on lmp.

I find it emotionally traumatic ( long story )but on a practical sense it wasn't . It was two phone calls with bpas . The pills are delivered discreetly.

I just say be 100 percent sure before you go ahead . I do regret mine but at the time I knew it was the right thing to do at the time . If that makes sense . X

Podgeys1 · 27/03/2025 20:24

OP do not say a word to him.
Keep it simply.
Sort out contraception asap.
Mind yourself.

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