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Original poster

17 month old started being weird with her dad ?

39 replies

Ellamaee · 26/03/2025 15:52

Hi , posting here hoping for some advice and if this is normal .
my daughter is 17 months , me and my ex co parent 50/50 and usually she would go to him easily no problem when he picked her up but the last 2 times he’s picked her up she is hysterically crying , reaching out for me not wanting to go to him . I will add also she’s only recently started being extremely clingy to me , I live with my mum and she used to go to my mum now if I’m in the room she only wants me , won’t go to my mum now either unless I leave the room (after she screams for me) is this normal behaviour? I don’t want to think her dad is mistreating her but I don’t think he would and there’s no signs of anything physical . But I am wondering why she’s very very clingy to me
hoping this make sense and a mama can help me out ! Breaking my heart when she leaves

OP posts:
Spondoolies · 26/03/2025 15:58

It is possible there is an issue but it is very normal behaviour for that age, a lot of kids go through these clingy phases or preferring one parent over the other.

JLou08 · 26/03/2025 15:59

Most children will go through a phase of getting clingy and only wanting the main parent. If there's no other signs and you know her dad well enough to feel confident he cares for her well I wouldn't worry.

Original poster
Ellamaee · 26/03/2025 16:00

Spondoolies · 26/03/2025 15:58

It is possible there is an issue but it is very normal behaviour for that age, a lot of kids go through these clingy phases or preferring one parent over the other.

It’s one thing I never got told at this stage ! Thank you

OP posts:
Letmecallyouback · 26/03/2025 16:04

Wait for it....

GeorgeTheFirst · 26/03/2025 16:06

It's totally normal for them to prefer one parent when there is a choice. When you aren't there she will be fine with him

paintedpotoflove · 26/03/2025 16:07

Sounds like a normal 17 month old.

just pass her over to her dad and make drop offs Swift to minimise the tantrums.

Tagyoureit · 26/03/2025 16:08

This was normal for my 2, draining, but normal. Then my DD went through a daddy phase and I couldn't get a look in when he was about. 🤷‍♀️

InveterateWineDrinker · 26/03/2025 16:08

Both our DCs went through a stage at about this age where they much preferred the same sex parent. I seem to recall reading then that it's quite normal.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 26/03/2025 16:09

GeorgeTheFirst · 26/03/2025 16:06

It's totally normal for them to prefer one parent when there is a choice. When you aren't there she will be fine with him

Yes, my son prefers me until I'm out of sight.

I went away for four days and he didn't give a fig.

One "magic trick" at the moment for separation anxiety is being in the outdoors. As soon as we go outside, my son is so preoccupied that he doesn't care about either of us! Our baby friends all fine the same, clingy nightmares become suddenly adventurous

Could you do handover in a playpark or the garden and see if that makes a difference?

HeyThereDelila · 26/03/2025 16:12

I’d be wary.

My DS never exhibited this allegedly common clinginess, nor did he ever show massive preference one way or the other.

Listen to your child - this is worrying. Who else has access to her when she’s with her DF? Where does he take her?

I’d be informing a social worker now and making a list of upset incidents, and looking at asking for supervised contact only for now. See a solicitor.

Imisscoffee2021 · 26/03/2025 16:13

My son went through this about same age, his dad WFH and he was fine til "hand over" when he would come out of the home office and take over giving him dinner etc. He would hysterically cry and want me, despite me being with him all day and having seem his dad loads during the day too, or was the moment of handover that he found hard then he was fine. Id imagine a handover from house to house is bigger so it makes sense she's upset at that age, it's normal to be super clingy.

DaisyChain505 · 26/03/2025 16:16

HeyThereDelila · 26/03/2025 16:12

I’d be wary.

My DS never exhibited this allegedly common clinginess, nor did he ever show massive preference one way or the other.

Listen to your child - this is worrying. Who else has access to her when she’s with her DF? Where does he take her?

I’d be informing a social worker now and making a list of upset incidents, and looking at asking for supervised contact only for now. See a solicitor.

What an absolute stretch. Should the OP also be keeping tabs on her mum and possibly reporting her to SS seeing as the child’s behaviour has changed towards her too?

Children go through phases of being clingy or closer to one parents and in the blink of an eye it can go the other way.

Devilsmommy · 26/03/2025 16:17

Around 18 months they go through a separation anxiety phase again so hopefully it's just that and it won't last too long🤞

Antonania · 26/03/2025 16:17

Yes very normal. My husband had a lot of this but later he ended up default parent for bedtimes for years. Your husband just needs to keep heart and try not to take it personally - it will pass. We were quite strict with continuing taking turns rather than letting DC "win" and get me all the time. In hindsight I haven't the faintest idea if that helped or hindered.

RedHelenB · 26/03/2025 16:18

HeyThereDelila · 26/03/2025 16:12

I’d be wary.

My DS never exhibited this allegedly common clinginess, nor did he ever show massive preference one way or the other.

Listen to your child - this is worrying. Who else has access to her when she’s with her DF? Where does he take her?

I’d be informing a social worker now and making a list of upset incidents, and looking at asking for supervised contact only for now. See a solicitor.

Total over reaction.

LovedFedAndNoonesDead · 26/03/2025 16:22

DaisyChain505 · 26/03/2025 16:16

What an absolute stretch. Should the OP also be keeping tabs on her mum and possibly reporting her to SS seeing as the child’s behaviour has changed towards her too?

Children go through phases of being clingy or closer to one parents and in the blink of an eye it can go the other way.

Show quote history

Absolutely this👆🏿

LurkyMcLurkinson · 26/03/2025 16:22

HeyThereDelila · 26/03/2025 16:12

I’d be wary.

My DS never exhibited this allegedly common clinginess, nor did he ever show massive preference one way or the other.

Listen to your child - this is worrying. Who else has access to her when she’s with her DF? Where does he take her?

I’d be informing a social worker now and making a list of upset incidents, and looking at asking for supervised contact only for now. See a solicitor.

Please don’t do this unless you want to put yourself in to a position whereby there’s a children’s services record somewhere that no further action was taken on that could be interpreted as you wildly jumping to conclusions. Of course we should all be alert to changes in a child’s presentation, but separation anxiety is common developmentally for children this age and you’ve said yourself she’s changed recently in response to your mum, who you presumably have no concerns about.

Rosecoffeecup · 26/03/2025 16:24

Every small child I know has been through this stage with one parent

Endofyear · 26/03/2025 16:26

Very normal at this age to exhibit separation anxiety and be clingy to one or other parent. Make handovers cheerful and quick! Does her dad say she settles down quickly after you've gone?

BeDeepKoala · 26/03/2025 16:28

HeyThereDelila · 26/03/2025 16:12

I’d be wary.

My DS never exhibited this allegedly common clinginess, nor did he ever show massive preference one way or the other.

Listen to your child - this is worrying. Who else has access to her when she’s with her DF? Where does he take her?

I’d be informing a social worker now and making a list of upset incidents, and looking at asking for supervised contact only for now. See a solicitor.

either trolling or mental illness

Crazybaby123 · 26/03/2025 16:30

Mine have switched between us over the years and we live together.
My youngest however, he likes to latch onto one oerson, in nursery he had one lady who had him stuck to her hip as he cried if anyone else went near him and he was the same with me at home. Now he is older he is more clingy with Dad. I would say its not every child is clingy to partucular adults but it is certainly normal for them if they are

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 26/03/2025 16:32

DD went through this stage for about a year starting at 18 months. If she was alone with me, or my Mum, or DWs mum, she was absolutely fine, but the moment she knew DW was home, then she wanted to be joined at the hip to her. Didn't matter what DW was doing, she needed to be in the same space as her.

For instance, I'd be making dinner for DD. Nope, DD wanted DW to make it. So DW would take over and I'd entertain DD. Nope, that was no good either, DW had to be the one to both make her dinner and entertain her. It was ridiculous

It was difficult for me, as I felt quite rejected and that my daughter hated me, it was even more difficult for DW as she couldn't get a moments peace.

We tried absolutely everything, and then after about 11 months it just stopped, and suddenly we were equal again in her eyes.

SnowSnow · 26/03/2025 16:32

My 17month old has always been like this and often when I leave him with his dad to go to the loo will run after me crying if he is tired. I am breastfeeding so figured it could be that but I think it’s probably just within the realms of normal to want their mum

Crazybaby123 · 26/03/2025 16:32

HeyThereDelila · 26/03/2025 16:12

I’d be wary.

My DS never exhibited this allegedly common clinginess, nor did he ever show massive preference one way or the other.

Listen to your child - this is worrying. Who else has access to her when she’s with her DF? Where does he take her?

I’d be informing a social worker now and making a list of upset incidents, and looking at asking for supervised contact only for now. See a solicitor.

Sorry, you are being an idiot. I think troll or just a dickhead.
Noone calls social services because their child is a bit clingy to their mum.

jannier · 26/03/2025 16:36

HeyThereDelila · 26/03/2025 16:12

I’d be wary.

My DS never exhibited this allegedly common clinginess, nor did he ever show massive preference one way or the other.

Listen to your child - this is worrying. Who else has access to her when she’s with her DF? Where does he take her?

I’d be informing a social worker now and making a list of upset incidents, and looking at asking for supervised contact only for now. See a solicitor.

Just because your child didn't go through what is a very normal stage of development it doesn't mean there is anything untoward with a child who is. It's also very normal for children to then switch to not wanting mummy to do things and getting hysterical.

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