I now have the 'ick' for my DH of nearly 50 years

[MagicMushroomOmelette]

I love him dearly. We have three adult daughters and four grandchildren. So far, so good. I met him when I was 18 and a half and we married when I was 20 and he was 24. I am 69 and he is 73.

We met in the early/mid seventies. He had other girlfriends before me, as I had several boyfriends. All quite normal. Before I came along, he had split up with his steady girlfriend about a eight or nine months ago. The relationship had just fizzled out, as he put it. His family were very upset as they really liked her...they never took to me.

We never talked much about past relationships or the past in general, instead focussing on the present and our future. But a week ago, we were just chilling on the sofa with a nice bottle of wine, and we were talking about age differences in relationships. It was then that he told me that when he first started going out with his 'steady' girlfriend, she had just turned 14, still at school, and he was 19.

I have been sleeping in the guest room since then, with the excuse of coming down with something, which is true. I have noro.

Am I overeacting here? Or were things really that diiferent then?

Can you pinpoint why it’s bothering you now.
I’m younger than you but times were different. Often area or class dependent. Teens would be working ft from 15 or 16 and often girls married in late teens, early 20s.
My dad left school and worked full time week he was 15.
You marrying at 20 would be shocking today.

I'm glad it wasn't normal here PlushSluppies because that sounds really fucking grim. Horrific what some men put young girls through. I wouldn't want to be married to a man like that, even if it was years ago so totally get why OP is upset. An adult man that is waiting outside a school to pick up young girls is not someone I want anything to do with. I can't imagine any parent being OK with that either. If a 30 yr old bloke had come to pick me up for a date when I was 14 my dad would have seen them off in no uncertain terms

Not going to argue this point, you may well be right ( especially nowadays), but that was certainly the perception 50 years ago, hence the acceptance of things then, which wouldn't happen now.

Up until 1929 The legal age of marriage for boys with parental consent was 14 and 12 for girls ( In England and Wales). That would very much still be in the minds of Parents and Grandparents in the 50's and 60's even although the marriage age had been raised in 1929.

The girlfriend was 'just' 14 which was under the age of consent and OP's DH was 19 (he could have been nearly 20), so nearly a six year age gap which at that age is a lot. I can understand why OP is feeling a bit repulsed by it.

For me, I guess I would want to know that he didn’t feel that it was acceptable these days and if it had been one of his daughters he wouldn’t be happy.

I think things were different then but in the way we were less informed about things like power balances and under age sex, not that it was acceptable. A lot of underaged sex probably went unnoticed with the police due to lack of proof or lack of dna testing if she had become pregnant. The reporting in media now on men who sleep with underage girls is also totally different and makes it clear in unacceptable.

My DM is the same age as your DH. When my parents got together she was 15, had left school and was in full time work, and he wasn't her first serious boyfriend. A working class teenager then was just an adult, working and living much like a graduate does these days. Today I'd be horrified but in the 70s it wasn't seen as wrong.

It always surprises me how many women think this is acceptable. You really wouldn’t mind your young teenage daughters going out with grown adult men?
Even when I was at senior school we thought it was gross when older boys went out with girls in the younger years.

@SmurfKingdom I don’t think many people think is acceptable now, but it was acceptable then. My mum was 15 when she got together with my 19 year old dad. They’ve been happily married for almost 50 years. Obviously abuse happened, and that’s terrible, but people got together younger, and many girls of 14/15 entered consensual relationships with men they wanted to have sex with. I don’t think it always makes the man a raging paedo, although I agree keeping girls younger for longer these days is a good thing.

I don't think it was acceptable it was the way it was and seen as "normal " girls were seen as mature it wasn't the case, but I don't think I'd get the. Ick if my husband had a younger girlfriend 50 years ago.

I get more of an ick of older men marrying much younger women,

I met my DH when I was 17 and he was 21

we got married and had a baby when I was 19

It was the norm then, (80s)

I don’t think you can judge the past by modern standards. The world and attitudes were very different.
I’m a generation younger than Op and shocked my teen daughter explaining how few girls went on to A levels let alone University. Leaving at 16 for a job was the norm and encouraged. Girls dating a nice steady lad with prospects was encouraged.
Lads lining up in cars to pick up girls at school was very common, older teen lads picking up 14/15/16 year olds in uniform and no one thought it was icky.
Op if he’s not given you any cause for concern over 50 years I’d talk to him and move on. Would more background help eg if they met through church or a hobby.

What does this have to do with the OP? 17 is a world away from just turned 14!

I would say it was not that uncommon. We're talking early 70s. My parents would have been a few years older than your husband. They met and started dating when Mum was 16 and he was 20. They met at work, both my parents left school at 14 and had been working since then. Even in the late 80's when I was a teenager there were a lot of sexually active girls at 14 quite often with boys/men in their late teens/early 20s. While it was frowned upon by adults mainly due to pregnancy risk rather than the age/power imbalance it was not considered weird by the teenagers themselves.

I think it is a bit harsh to judge your husband on the standards of today for actions he took as a teenager 54 years ago.

It was then that he told me that when he first started going out with his 'steady' girlfriend, she had just turned 14, still at school, and he was 19.

So then what did you say and what did he say??? That's the start of a conversation, not the end of it. Things might have been different then, it wouldn't be acceptable now, what does HE think about it looking back? Does he regret it? Did he sense any dodgy power dynamics? Would he do it again? How would he have felt if his daughters had dated a 19yo when they were 14? His responses to all those questions would inform how I felt about it all.