AIBU? Partner upset over a joke overreacting or fair enough?

[ProposedWorm]

Bit of a WWYD/AIBU situation. DP is in a mood with me because of a joke I made, and I’m not sure if I was being U or if he’s just being a bit of a snowflake.

Basically, we were chatting with some friends, and I made a lighthearted comment about how he always takes forever to get ready like, proper faffing about while I’m sat there ready to go. It got a few laughs, but DP went all quiet and sulky. Later, he told me it was embarrassing and that I made him look bad. I apologised, but he’s still being a bit off with me.

For context, we do tease each other a bit, and he’s usually fine with it, so I was a bit surprised by the reaction. I didn’t think it was that deep, but now I’m second-guessing myself.

So, AIBU? Should I have kept my mouth shut, or is he overreacting?

An apology needs to acknowledge your fault in whatever you are apologising for.

"Sorry you're upset" says that the OP is sorry that her DP is upset but not sorry for upsetting him in the first place.

I'm sorry you don't understand that.

(Did you consider my last statement an apology? I'm guessing not).

It’s not very loyal, making jokes at your partner’s expense in front of your friends. I bet you wouldn’t like it if the boot was on the other foot.

That would assume she's at fault, which is debatable, seeing as he often teases her too and is clearly seen as acceptable in their relationship.

Your original answer in this thread was that OP had already apologised.
Now, you're saying she doesn't need to apologise? Fine if that's your opinion, but you seem to have changed it.

Nope, my original post was that I thought he was being ridiculous actually. I'm not going to get drawn into an arguement about it, my opinion is he's being overly dramatic and OP did nothing wrong.

I think this is right, if you’re making digs at your partner in public the relationship is over

There will always be someone who thinks the 'bantee' is being too senstive, but its entirely personal. There was a thread a while back about a dh making coarse sexual jokes at the ops expense. She found it humiliating, some posters didn't. I think she left him in the end

What you said was just banter that is common between a couple. Odd he took this piece badly, just apologise, move on, and don't mention that subject again.

Except that if you found it funny and your partner didn't and you continued to do it that would be bullying and abusive.

But my point is that if my partner thought a joke about him taking ages to get ready was bullying/abuse, he wouldn’t be my partner any longer because I could not in a million years have a relationship with anyone so fragile, or who took themselves so desperately seriously.

I wouldn’t continue to do it if they were upset. But I also wouldn’t continue the relationship either, because I find that level of over-sensitivity incredibly tiresome and deeply unattractive.

Yanbu I couldn't be doing with such a wet paper towel

U made him sound like a plonker. Faffing about isn’t a good quality is it? Makes him sound like a silly old man. YABU

THIS !!!!

I agree that if you and your partner made this part of your relationship and both enjoyed it then that is fine. It is your line in the sand and boundaries etc.

I couldn't be in a relationship like that, not because, as some have suggested, that I have no sense of humour but because I don't find it funny.

But you only have to look at the responses to see why bullying, harassment and abuse is so common when people support it by what they call others that are going through it and not enjoying it.

If it’s true, he shouldn’t spend so long faffing about! If it’s not true then it’s unfair.

If its true and the OP has a problem with it then maybe she should have an adult conversation with him about it.

I couldn’t be in the kind of relationship where we joke about one another in public to other people. I had an ex who did this and its was so disrespectful.

Teasing is one thing when it’s just the two of you, but the specifics of what you said aren’t important- it’s the fact that you belittled him in front of others.

dare say if the shoe was on the other foot you wouldn’t find it so amusing .

maybe he's having a few anxieties about his looks and you embarrassed him

I’m with you on this. So many cod psychologists commenting here about an every day interaction between a couple, making it out to be like the OP is abusing her downtrodden partner.
She made a harmless comment, he took offence, she apologised, he’s sulking like a toddler.
OP, just tell him ‘I’m sorry once again that I’ve upset you, but stop with the silent treatment’.

Sometimes little jokes and teasing that normally would not even register, suddenly stings. I think you owe him a big apology.

IMO he’s over reacting! My DH is the same.. he has no sense of urgency and I hate it!! Your DH obviously feels insecure about it maybe he can’t help it so it hit a nerve but still!