Breastfeeding, AIBU to think I just can't do it

[ThatNavyFish]

Looking for some advice, support or even just a show of solidarity.

7 weeks postpartum and still struggling to get breastfeeding established. Anyone able to offer any kind words?

Summary: baby latched very badly right at the start, caused some damage to nipples (which healed in a day or two) but had never truly latched properly. Was advised to try shields by HV so started using Medela ones which allowed me to exclusively BF on demand but come week 2 weigh in baby had lost weight. A few days later baby had lost even more, cue a triple feeding plan being put in place. I've been triple feeding since and managing to express between 800-950 MLS over a 24hr period. Baby never seems satisfied after most breastfeeds so usually has a top up via bottle of around 60ml (then I express). Baby has surpassed birth weight again and is thriving.

Assessed as having mild tongue tie but probably not enough to cause issues with draining the breast but still a possibility. I'm unsure about making him go through a procedure if there's no guarantee it will work?

Recently was advised to pull back on the top up bottles and expressing and just feed (with shields) on demand but baby is regularly restless and breasts feeling engorged and sore so back to pumping. If I just stop expressing after doing it 8 times a day for weeks and he isn't feeding efficiently then won't this affect my supply?

I try to latch without shields but cannot do it, he just bobs about and gets angry and I become flustered. Where do we go from here?.aibu to think I just can't do it? I feel like I'm letting him down.

For clarity, all top ups are expressed breast milk. I don't want this to be a debate about bf/formula either, I don't think that would help me right now.

I used shields for months with my lg then at 6 months she just whipped them off herself and we never looked back! I don’t think shields matter if they work for you but yes try to reduce pumping back down gradually. Mine didn’t have tongue tie though every one kept suggesting it and then realised it was mega long 😂You’re doing great!

Ditto to nipple shields ……
I wouldn’t have continued if I hadn’t used them !
Only advice I can give is really make sure his mouth is open wide (you probably do already )
Tongue tie fix is quick and relatively pain free I believe - this will help I’d imagine as the latch can’t be great for either of you .
Don’t forget that they do go through growth spurts too (I remember one of mine seemed to be on the boob for hours sometimes ) and as you can’t see how much they are getting this can cause uncertainty about if they’re getting enough too !
All the best and as PP stated fed is best and happy mum is happy baby x

FWIW I had a very similar set of problems to you, screaming at the breast getting frustrated, pumping all hours, painful latch etc. LO had his (supposedly mild) tongue tie cut at 6 weeks old and within 2 weeks I was EBF. 6 months on and it's so much better.
Definitely see if you can get a tongue tie sorted, try for another couple of weeks and then if not, don't torture yourself. Your child has had breastmilk for his life so far and that will have made a huge difference. An unhappy mum and hungry baby is not worth it. You could always still pump once or twice a day to go with the formula if need be then he still gets some of the benefits of breastmilk.

You're doing an amazing job and clearly are a very strong mum to have kept going through all of this so far. Postpartum is tricky enough without adding in all the breastfeeding issues.

Good luck :)

To echo a pp
fussy might be air because of poor latch. Mine was definitely more gassy with shields, it’s one of the reasons I eventually weaned off.
also if you have too much milk it can cause a fast let down or even just change the shape so it’s hard for them to latch. There could be so many things happening here, and it’s all so scary and if you’re anything like me you just want to breastfeed and be sure your baby is getting enough and you have family and friends in your ear saying don’t worry you can just formula feed, which is supposed to be helpful, but actually often isn’t. It’s so hard in those early days op and it feels like youll never get out, I really couldn’t see a way forward and it took up every second of every day. But the other day I found my shields and pump in the back of a cupboard and I’d almost forgotten that was ever something I was dealing with, and I’m only a few months on.
If you can spend a few days in bed or on the sofa worrying about nothing but feeding it may really help.

Another vote here for a private lactation consultant. The NHS won’t do anything if it’s only minor, but it could make a world of difference to have it corrected. The lactation consultant will also be able to advise about your feeding position, latch etc.

Hi All,

Many thanks for all the messages. I read every single one and genuinely was moved to tears at how supportive you all were. Just to update for anyone who stumbled across this in the future, I got the procedure done and feeding took off almost instantly. Now ebf and baby is so happy! Thank you everyone.