Daughters age-gap relationship

[Newtbug2024]

My DD has just informed me that for the past 5 months she has been engaging in a relationship with a 52 year old man. She has just turned 21. She only admitted this to me as there is now talk of engagement. Obviously I am vehemently against this, however he is offering her a lifestyle I have never been able to provide her with. Am I being unreasonable to give her my blessing?

😱That's disgusting

It’s not ideal and she is so young that she maybe doesn’t realise exactly just how limiting that is- to have a life with a man who has already loved double her lifetime… so has had all the experiences he wants. Travelling and holidays and career etc… how does she see life with him in 10 years? Babies?

That's actually foul. 😖 Nothing you can do about it as she is over 18. Just hope it fizzles out and dies a death.

WTAF is wrong with this 'man?' Grim, gruesome, and vile. Bleurgh! (Sorry OP!)

My parents had a thirty year gap and were together happily for 35 years before my father passed away…then, sadly, my mother died only two years later. Life’s so short, you never know what’s going to happen. You don’t have to be negative or give a “blessing”, just accept her life is her life.

I wouldn't be happy with that. Does she know many older men? At 21 it's probably hard for her to imagine being 50, older but still fit and well enough to enjoy life and stuck at the pace of an elderly partner. She needs to get her head around this.

Mind your own business or you'll lose her.

Urgh, he could be her dad 🤢

I would have to warn her about the risks of aged sperm. I would not give my blessing.

I’d become the closest and most supportive mother in law he’s ever known, so that there’s no chance of him isolating her from her family.

She’ll be a relatively young widow and hopefully will be left with pots of cash and assets. Fingers crossed it’s a quick heart attack rather than a long drawn out illness where she wastes her best years being his carer.

Would you say that if he was a rich older well known film star, no you wouldn't you think it was great.
You'd be boasting.
Disgusting as well wishing someone dead like that.

It’s not ideal 🤷🏻‍♀️..
Age gap aside , they’re only together 5 months , talking about getting engaged already!
I’d be advising her against getting engaged whatever about anything else !
She doesn’t know this man .
It’s way too soon …
He doesn’t sound great to be fair , 50 , & wants to marry a 21 year old he met 5 months ago ….

I always think there’s something very wrong about a much older man with a very young woman . I mean they’re generations apart . Creepy and I would not be happy at all .

That’s the age gap between my DH and Dd…yuck. If she was 30 and he 60, it wouldn’t sound so unpleasant, but at 21 she’s a child compared to him. I wouldn’t be at all happy!
I suppose at least he is wealthy - maybe you’ve just got to hope he’s a multi millionaire with a heart condition!

Do you think Madonnas boyfriends
Mum is worried his sons with an older woman.
Like I said if it was your son or daughter in a relationship with a rich older film star you'd think it was great.

If my 21 year old daughter was with a 52 year old famous film star I would think there’s an even bigger and more concerning power/control dynamic going on than there is in the OP’s case.

😆

I swear to god we have one of these posts about twice a week.

You’re being unreasonable to think she needs your blessing.

What’s wrong with these disgusting men going after naive young women. They are not looking for equals.

I couldn’t give a rat’s bollock what Madonna’s boyfriend’s mum’s dog thinks about that or anything else. If my DC was going out with someone that old, I’d have a major problem with it. I don’t care how much money the person has or how many Oscars they’ve got on their mantelpiece. I’d try and keep it to myself because I wouldn’t want to alienate my child, but it’s gross. You can say “you’d be fine with it” but all you’re saying is that YOU would be fine with it.

Biologically speaking he could just about be her grandad 🤢 there will be grandparents with that age gap.

My friend was that 21 year old once upon a time. The negative reaction from her family pushed her towards him (they gave her an ultimatum - him or them) and they were together for over 20 years. She now massively regrets the relationship as she was belittled and controlled for much of it. I have always wondered how it would have played out if her parents had adopted a much more neutral stance.

On paper I have to say I’d be a bit concerned. Why would a 52 yo man want to be with a 21 yo - other than to mould, shape and maybe control? But. It really comes down to the dynamic btw him and your daughter - if they love each other and he’s a supportive, loving and caring man, fair enough. But it’s some age gap and even if there isn’t anything tawdry (and I am acknowledge this is a knee jerk, judgmental response and I shouldn’t be), it will be challenging - but then, what relationship doesn’t have its challenges. Use your judgement and observation. You can’t tell her anyway what to do, stay close, create an environment where she comes to you to confide… I wonder if he had been married before and what his conditions for marriage are (pre nup?) at 52 I’d warrant he either had no asssets or had debts if he isn’t thinking about this or has a very specific ask pre marriage to ensure his assets are safe. Also does he have kids etc.

Shocked at the voting results.. thought it would be unanimous 🤢

You can be unhappy about it (what mother wouldn't be? 🤢), But she's an adult, she can see who she wants. And I suspect if you make a big issue of it you'll only drive her away and damage your relationship
I think the only thing you can do is tell her age gap worries you but that you always be there for her if she needs you vtheb hopefully you can be there to see if there are any issues.